Caretaker inherits all in Oregon. Is this allowed?

I am a caregiver who moved my friend into my house. I don't expect anything (yes there are a few of us out here). She says she has a will but then says something else as dementia rattles her mind. I don't care what happens to the money only that I am able to help her stay out of a nursing home situation for as long as I am able. If you are worried, what not have her come for a visit and assess personally the mental state of the mil. Be well and remember no one knows what dementia feels like until it hits you and then you wont' remember either.

If DIL is worried about MIL, get to Oregon to check on her. Otherwise empty words.

What got me is that a State has mandated that a Caregiver cannot inherit. I guess this would not apply to family members doing the caring but if the person who is being cared for is in their right mind, they should be able to leave their money to anyone they wish. Family should not inherit just because they are family. We do not owe our children what we worked hard for especially if they weren't there for us. Yes, my girls inherit but I can always change that Will. And, no one has a right to know what is in that Will until its probated by the Executor.

My friend was a juvenile diabetic and an only child. Her Mom had her at 19. Her Mom did a lot financially for the daughter, her DH and 2 girls. Paid off their house, bought them high end computers, paid tuition and bills. My friend died in 2013, DH 2 years later and Mom at 89 just this last month. I lost contact with the mother because I was caring for my grandson and then my Mom. I saw her one day in a store and she introduced me to a women a little younger than me. She told me they had met at something and that "Barb" had become a goid friend. Helping her and just being there. I am not saying that little doubt didn't go thru my head because this woman had a very nice home and money. But I met Barb a couple more times and liked her. I had been told by other people that she pretty much had been abandoned by her granddaughters. The oldest had drug problems. The youngest had challenges of her own. So all she had was Barb. So I have wondered, who inherited. I hope not her grands and if so trusts were set up. And neither (who I know well) really don't deserve it. I hope it was all left to Barb because this is who was there for her.

So, who is to say that a Caregiver , unrelated, doesn't become family. Doesn't have a strong bond with the client or friend.

I understand your concern. My parents would NEVER have considered leaving anything in their estate to someone who was not related to them. They felt strongly about this. We were very involved in their lives and I had to advocate, I cannot count the times, when strangers took advantage of them. I wrote to the attorney general of their state because they were taken advantage of by a Kirby vacuum saleman, among other people. We began to have concerns about a housekeeper who my mother told me went into her bedroom and closed the door-- this is the room where my mother's jewelry was kept. Then there was the furnace man-- we stopped the purchase but he came over and sold it to her again, she was so confused she didn't know why he showed up to install it. Unfortunately it was too late to stop it because he tore the other one out before she could call me that morning. As they became disabled by dementia it got worse and worse. Yes they can make a new will and yes they can leave it to whoever seems nice at the time. But are their true wishes, the ones they had when they had their memories, being honored? It is really a sad situation and I personally think there should be laws to protect people when they get to this point and their original wishes are not followed. Allowing a caretaker to inherit everything is allowing someone with undue influence to inherit everything. I know this doesn't help your situation, but I sympathize with you and your daughter if she has been in her MIL's life and this person who moved in is just taking advantage of the situation. There are too many grifters out there. Yes, she can leave her money to whomever she likes but most estate planning attorneys would tell her this is a discussion that needs to be done with family in case she is being taken advantage of. Yes, there is no law that blood relatives always inherit but there also are no safeguards from being taken advantage of. Knowing my parents' situation, their estate attorney called me when he had a concern.

She should try to discuss this with her MIL and see what is really going on, perhaps get permission to talk to her attorney to see if they think everything is on the up and up. Good Luck!

I too have seen the movie where the kids ignored the parents and I saw plenty of poor souls at my Dad's nursing home that were so lonely because their family just left them there. But I am listening to you, and you are saying that your daughter and her children are there for the MIL. So encourage her to do all she can. Make sure to stop by and make sure she truly is being cared for. Is the house a mess? How does she look? etc.

Most states have laws that if there was no will (not the case here but I am making a point), then the estate goes to the nearest BLOOD relatives and divided equally. So our society does consider this to be the normal way of things, leaving to family.

Just thought about something - if mom won't allow anyone to see her private documents, how does anyone know that she reassigned everything to caretaker aka drifter?

Someone mentioned Gran Torino movie plot being similar. Haven’t seen that one but I love Clint!

Well, the movie with Jamie Lee Curtis, ‘Knives Out’ is also similar.

The patriarch of the family was very sly! Don’t want to tell the plot and give away the ending in case anyone wants to watch it.

This movie has a couple of interesting twists and turns and I loved the ending! Good movie!

Money can destroy some people’s relationships!

Or should I say that certain people can have a sense of entitlement and become extremely greedy and will do anything to get their hands on the money!

To the OP - if you and your daughter are concerned about this drifter stealing from MIL, you need to worry about what he can get NOW rather than once she has passed.

Don't forget, there are rules in every state about being able to contest a will. And even the simplest will can take months to probate before the beneficiaries get the assets. Add a house into the mix, it can take much longer. Contested? It might drag through probate court for years.

If this man is a professional thief, he already knows that. In my experience, unless you are talking about something complicated like a pyramid scheme, most con-people like "hit and run" sort of scams. For example, if daughter's MIL has added this man to her checking account, he can empty the account out now. Once she passes, however, he has to go to court, get the paperwork to add his name to the account, get another tax number (account will go from her name to "the estate of" her name, hence the new tax ID number) apply to have the property put into the the name of the estate before it can be sold, etc.

However, she can start giving him money, property, etc. now before she passes - then it doesn't matter what the will says, because there will be no assets left to distribute.

Your daughter might have to hire a private investigator to come up with enough proof to start a law enforcement investigation. But she needs to understand that, if her MIL has grown close to this person, and gets angry at her DIL for "interfering" it might permanently damage their relationship past the point of reconciliation,

It's a sucky situation, I hope your daughter can get some help dealing with it!

Sometimer, the best way to find out if this is legal in Oregon is to do a Google search for O.R.S. laws for inheritance. Reading different things will help you with the terminology to search.

I am sorry for the loss of your son in law. Your daughter and her children must be devastated and then to have MIL adopt the maintenance man as her sole heir is just another hurt on top of a broken heart.

I pray that you find the answers and that this man is truly doing a good thing for the woman he is caregiving for.

May The Lord God bless you all with peace and comfort during this difficult time.

Edit: if you can not find the information, call the Oregon attorney general office, they are very helpful in directing you to answers.

It has already been clarified.

MIL lives in Oregon.

Her son lived with DIL and their four children in another state until Son died, only six months ago, having fought cancer for a considerable length of time.

MIL and her own daughter have (I think?) been estranged since before all this happened.

I'm not clear about whether the drifter first parked up on MIL's land (with her permission) before or during Son's illness, or whether his arrival/presence had any (good or bad) effect on how MIL tried to cope with it.

The OP is seeking to support her own daughter, the DIL, in what must be a very difficult and emotionally fraught situation.

Do we know how old the children are, anyone?

Well, if the MIL's lawyer has already drawn a will, evidently it is legal.

This is not an unusual story at all. I mean, there is always 2 sides to a story.

My question is, Wonder why MIL had this lawn worker as a caregiver and not family?

Which ever the case, I guess it is her and her attorney's business.

My neighbor recently told my husband that he changed his mind about leaving his things to his son. He said, He wasn't going to leave him nothing.

Why? Because his son is never there for him. Makes sense to me.

Forgive me if this has already been clarified, but are the 4 children her deceased son's children, or your daughter's from a previous relationship?
If there is any legal recourse, a lot is going to be determined by whether the children are blood relations of your daughter's MIL or not.

There are a lot of red flags raised by your question:

Firstly,
Why is this other woman’s will your business? (It is not even your daughter’s business.)

if this woman died without a will, your daughter would not even be an heir. (Her husband and children would be, but your daughter, personally would be entitled to zero).

Secondly,
Does your daughter even have a good relationship with her mother in law? You never address that. (If they ever did, I suspect all your daughter’s “estate planning” inquiries have subsequently destroyed it.)

Thirdly,
How does anyone even know the contents of the will and whether it was changed? (This sounds more like a suspicion than a fact).

You write that the woman won’t allow your daughter to contact the estate attorney. Even if your daughter could, that estate attorney would be duty-bound to protect the details of the client’s estate planning. The attorney is also duty-bound to keep file notes about the contact which could become court evidence of your daughter’s behavior.

What kind of daughter-in-law would ask to contact her MIL’s estate attorney anyway?

The fact that the woman disallowed a call and refused to provide the attorney’s name could lead me to believe that she is not suffering from dementia.

(And....Will challenges (by a potential “future” heir) cannot even occur while someone is still living!!!).

You suggest that this elderly woman is vulnerable to being taken advantage of by this drifter and that is your concern. You should have left it at that.

Reading between the lines, however, it appears as though your daughter wants to take advantage of this woman for her own financial gain and the drifter may have beat her to it.

Tell the vultures they arrived too early.

Your daughter may be coming for you next.

As long as your mother has NOT been diagnosed as incompetent, you can have her set up a revocable trust ASAP. A will is a dead document and so no one reads it until she is gone. A living trust spells out exactly how she wishes to be cared for, etc. and who has say over her money, etc while she is alive. She is the Trustee of her own trust and she names a successor trustee or trustees, as she decides. That way her wishes are carried out even when she is no longer mentally capable, as the Successor trustee takes over at that point and follows her wishes. Find a trust attorney.

HI. Who would take care of the MIL if this person wasn't there to do it? Can her DIL take care of her? The reason why I am asking is I to am or was a stranger to an elderly couple to whom have left me with everything. Its a long story and very unexpected. This particular couple, now one living had no children and moved away from 2 living siblings 20 years ago, who are also older. They can't take care of him. The person I care for wants to stay home and not be put into a nursing home. His wife has already died here at home as she wanted to. I gave up and give up my personal life daily for this person. Every year I go in debt because I dont have a job. I gave up my job to care for him full time and his deceased wife. No I don't have a house payment but he doesn't have a nursing facility payment either , neither did his wife and if he did, all his money would be gone by now. Yes he may have left me the land and home but that doesn't cover money I need now. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful and God put me here but its not easy. So unless your daughter can go take care of her, this lady has the right to make decisions who does care for her. If she did it when she was sound and made it legal then its binding. Children or family need to make sure that they step in and talk with the elderly in their family because if you don't they will find someone who will. And not all outsiders are bad. Some are great. If she is happy then be happy for her.

You would be so surprised how much this happens everywhere. I have seen it so many times. One thing I have realized is that when people get older and they really need help with everything and especially don’t want to go to a nursing home they will be extremely thankful for anyone that comes to their rescue and starts to take care of their every need. Even though I happen to know that there are many many people that seek out these elderly to become their caretakers in order to receive all their remaining assets when that person passes. The cases that I have seen these elderly many times in the beginning do have their faculties enough to be that thankful they do turn everything over to that caretaker. But usually with the caretaker pushing them to do it. The person feels that if they don’t do it all that help will go away and they will be all alone not able to fend for themselves. In your case I bet if your family would have either moved her in with one of you or moved into her house and lovingly took care of her this probably would not of happened. But I have run into many family members that don’t want this very hard job and believe me being a 24/7 caretaker is the hardest job anyone can have. Until you really have to do it you can’t imagine. I know because I have to caretake my disabled paralyzed husband and I have to admit I hate it because I am older now and have my own physical alignments and I have zero family or friends which makes it even harder. He can’t go into a home because we like most people don’t qualify because of our assets which are really not that much, but in the United States in order to get real help from our Government you have to be dirt poor and then everything is free. And if your filthy rich you can hire all the help you need. But there are millions that are just below middle class and qualify for nothing. Once you become a full time caregiver your whole world ends. So while I definitely understand where you are coming from because why should a total stranger with zero blood ties get everything she has. Well trust me this happens millions of times. You could still change the situation if you are close to her and want to do the full time caregiving yourself.

Worriedinca is spot on about validation of this having occurred. Prayers sent.

Addendum - I hadn’t read all the comments before responding .
firstly - for those of you who became all judgy - despite that there was no evidence that the daughter - or indeed the DIL and grands had no contact or had not helped the mil prior to this . The dil may not Help due to Being out of state or having young kids alone .. the daughter may have daily contact .. these questions were not asked and answered so some of this is way off base .. and perhaps the daughter in law calls and has FaceTime with the kids — point is - we don’t know! This could’ve been some family home passed on for generations — the writer indicated I think that the dementia and issues were recent — so perhaps they had normal amount Of contact for being far away , knew and had warned mil about the drifter before this and then suddenly find this situation .
anyway — at least ask questions before accusing.this woman’s daughter of only caring about money
thanks

I read this earlier but reread it and have second thoughts on the topic.

Why do you strongly feel that this woman has dementia?

I have to agree with the advice that you were given. It is on you to prove a crime has been committed. I don’t see why the police would investigate if there isn’t a crime.

Do you know this man? Has he harmed her in any way?

Has there been some sort of falling out between she and your daughter?

Is she close to her grandchildren? It is her money and property to dispose as she wishes.

I do hope that she doesn’t have dementia. I hope that this gentleman is not taking advantage of her. I certainly hope that he won’t harm her.

I hope this situation is resolved in a fair way. If she doesn’t have dementia, then it truly is her business and everyone else will have to accept it.

Disgusting your daughter and you to think only about money.Looks like you didn't help mother in law you refer as MIL. Now your Meal is gone as she realized that she doesn't want to leave you a penny. Trust me older people even with dementia are wise and that why you got 0.She realized you are not good and money hungry.

Wow maybe he was only a guy who did something for her as nobody else has helped so she gave it to him as reward

Is anyone going to ask how the OP knows for a fact that the MIL changed her will and left everything to the caregiver? If she’s got dementia to the point people are assuming she be incompetent to change her affairs then it also has to be assumed that anything she says can’t be taken at face value

If her MIL has dementia per a doctor and can probe this was the case with will - might be able to get it thrown out Prior to her death which would help so that the caretaker could not clean everything out of home and bank acct. also I’d want to see how the relationship was perhaps ask for AGency aging to investigate per Elder abuse . If mil is of sound mind prolly nothing you can do ... is her son still around ? Sometimes elderly seem to listen best to male authority

Adult protective Services and then the Police... who will send a Detective Sergeant to help you recover control as Power of Attorney... and put that bum in jail as conman ! One visit to a doctor will prove she is unable to make intelligent choices and she is being scammed. Do NOT WAIT ! Go FOR IT NOW !

Most likely, Drifter was looking for an easy mark. Drifter is not going to try spend any time or money trying to "free" MIL from concerned family members.

I probably shouldn’t post what’s on my mind after reading this post but maybe it will break the tension of this thread for a few minutes.

I don’t mean any disrespect to the original poster or other posters.

Here goes, after reading this thread and in particular reading certain comments from a few posters I had a flashback of one of my favorite rock albums as a teen, ‘Dark Side of the Moon.’ Pink Floyd.

Anyway, to reminisce I just played the song, ‘Money’ on YouTube.

It’s all about the money for some, right?

I find many perceptions about money from people to be absolutely fascinating.

If MIL was competent at the time the will was made, she is free to leave her assets to whoever she chooses.

You need an elder attorney in that state. Transfer of the property before or after diagnosis of dementia would be the issue. Unless an atty in Oregon reads this info, the rest of us can't offer valid legal advice.

Part of the problem, as I see it (and my own personal opinion) is it was ok for the drifter to care for her for years and to become the full time caretaker. Only after she moved her assets was drifter an issue. Did daughter and grandchildren ignore her needs? Maybe mom intends to reward the person who has provided the 24/7 care. If mom is refusing to give out details, she still has it together enough to withhold her personal info.

I will assume your daughter is trying to protect her MIL and husband from a potential grifter. Your daughter's HUSBAND's best course is to consult an elder care attorney in Oregon. This way he will have a better understanding of his mother's rights and his rights. We cannot give you the legal advice you need on this forum.

A competent person can leave their assets to whomever they choose. This certainly does not have to be a family member. I'm not sure how we got to the point of simply assuming that by being a relative, we are entitled to assets (property, funds, etc) upon a person's death. If someone who is unrelated has been supportive, been there for the LO, completed errands, provides friendship and companionship and performs helpful or care giving functions, there is no reason (moral or legal) in any state in the union why they can't inherit assets. Not sure what state your daughter resides in but if she takes time to investigate she will find there are legal contracts that will permit a caregiver to inherit assets.
Best way to make sure that as a relative you can inherit assets upon death............ stay engaged, stay in touch and be supportive. In other words ..... be a bit of a caregiver yourself and don't leave it all to someone else.

Please contact a lawyer in Oregon that specializes in family law. It will be worth the one hour of consultation fees to get your answer. If MIL is of sound mind at the time she wrote this will, then it will probably remain in force. If it can be proved that MIL was not of sound mind when she wrote the will, contesting it may come with other outcomes. Unless MIL's estate is really worth a lot of money, it is probably not worth the legal battle.

Please visit MIL frequently to ascertain that she is being well-cared for. You are looking to make sure that she and her property are safe as well as that she is healthy. If either condition is not being met, then another living situation can be arranged. It may take a doctor declaring her "mentally incompetent" and a sheriff' office visit to ascertain that she is not being cared for well before any changes can be made.

Consider what kinds of changes you are considering for MIL: coming to stay with you and becoming her full time caregiver, staying with you with paid help, moving into assisted living or full time residential facility. The last 2 are costly and will usually require all of her assets to pay for her care.