What caregiving options exist?

Becoming caregiver to elderly parents often requires thinking in a new way.

One of the concerns I had about my mother using the stove was leaving her alone. And using the microwave was actually not any safer.

If I had to leave her alone for short periods of time when she was still safe to leave alone, I would throw the breakers so the stove, oven and microwave could not be turned on. She never checked the breaker box. That may or may not be an option for your mother, and it could make her more upset.

It sounds like you need to consider not leaving her alone for extended periods of time for her safety. Your choices are also dependent upon what's available, your financial considerations, and your individual situation.

Have you discussed your options with your mother's doctor in addition to your family? Knowing what you might be able to expect over the next few months as far as your mother's health (mental and physical) may help you make a more informed decision.

If she is able to take care of herself in an independent living facility, why would she need home health care daily? Would she need in-home care in independent living, too? Just what is her level of need?

Other options (depending on level of need) might be adult foster care or assisted living.

Answering your excellent questions is complicated. Mom is mostly really functional, but she forgets. So a few weeks ago, she put a roast in an iron skillet on the stove (I would have put it in the oven) to cook, fell asleep, and burned the roast really badly. It scared her because she could have burned the house down. It scared me because I wasn't home to prevent that from happening. In a facility, I could be sure that she wouldn't try to cook. At home, I want to be sure that she's eating but not trying to cook; that's why I'd want someone to come in to cook for her. Does that make sense?

Also, she's alone for much of the day, and I think she would benefit from being around other people.

Ah. So you are thinking of a independent living apartment without a kitchen, and all meals in a dining hall? Somehow I thought most independent living apartments had kitchens, but I really haven't looked into it.

When my mother reached that point she was content to give up using the stove, and used the microwave exclusively. She had meals on wheels for one meal a day. Would your mother agree to not use the stove, especially after the roast scare?

My husband went to an adult day health program that was awesome. And they picked him up and delivered him home. He could have had breakfast there, but he preferred not to. He wasn't crazy about the lunches. He requested vegetarian meals and liked them a lot better.

Having a companion/cook come in a few hours a day sounds very suitable, too.

How does Mom feel about moving out? Are there other reasons you'd prefer to visit her in her apartment than have her live in your home? (There often are perfectly legitimate reasons.) If not, a move seems the most drastic and expensive way of solving a small problem regarding stove use.