Caregiving is draining my family especially me! I get resentful and I hate that, is it normal?

I am not sure about where you live, but I know that there are many organizations who will provide transportation for chemo and radiation pateints. Might want to ask the nurses at your sister's clinic. this will help free up that time for you. I know when my father had cancer he used it and it was a tremendous help. As for your Mom... Do you have any family that can help? It doesn't have to just be siblings, my sibling doent help at all, but my cousins and I help each other with our parents. As for your children... well, anyone will tell you it is actually healthier for parents to get away for a couple of hours every so often. Is there someone you could leave them with for a couple of hours, you could go watch a movie, take a walk, unwind. Even a couple of hours getting away from it all can help.
I take care of both my parents, I have 4 children, and 2 jobs, some days it seems like your not going to make it. Those are the days you need help. I will pray for you.

cryssy, I am praying for you. Come on this site to vent whenever you need to. You need emotional support and this is a good place. You are an angel!

You only have one life. It's wonderful to be able to care for a parent, but not at the expense of your own health-- physical and mental. My two adult children had an 'intervention" with me after I had had my 93 year old mom at home with me for 7 years after a major stroke. Even though I had caregivers for her I had reached the limit of my ability to tolerate the stress. We got her on Medicaid and moved to a small nursing home that is providing wonderful care. Now after almost five months she is doing so much better. She gets lots of attention from the staff, has more social interaction, does a few of the planned activities, wheels a round the building in her wheelchair and just seems much happier. I wish I had done it much sooner. It took my children give me permission to say I couldn't do it anymore. Everyone needs to set realistic limits and priorities for how much we do. Energy and time are not unlimited. It's hard to make these changes but in the long run you will feel so much better.

Wow, and I thought I had it tough! I understand your stress. I care 24/7 for my husband for the past 5 yrs. with MS (totally bedridden). It is sad. I have to change his depends, crying the whole time I do, sometimes. I finally moved in with my daughter, which hasn't lessened the stress really. In fact, I work more than ever because I do the housework and cooking and laundry so she can work. I wanted to get away for a weekend and my grandson is 18 so he offered to stay with him. I still didn't feel right about him having to change his grandfathers diaper and bathing him. We don't qualify for any services (have talked with Dept of Aging) but my daughter made a brilliant suggestion. We have in our area an adult education school and she suggested I call them since they have a nursing certification class. She called for me and I had 4 students call me the very next day. This is what they are training for. I hired one for the weekend, she even stayed on call. What I paid her was up to me. So I gave her $200 for a 4 day get-away which I desperately needed. I didn't have to worry at all! She would email everyday and she made sure to call Bob during the day after she had visited. She bathed him, did it all!! You should have some sort of nursing school or something like that in your area. Give them a call. The girl I hired said they like it for their resume. So you are helping them out too. And this is what they are training for, so they will treat them good! It was a great experience for me and I would suggest it to anyone, if you don't have friends that will sit with her for just a few hours, for you to get away. Anytime you can escape is worth it. I hope this helps. You truly are going to burn out quickly. Everyone here is correct. You are no good to anyone if you are not there any longer to help them. As far as the suggestion of a nursing home. My husband thought I was just trying to get rid of him when I suggested it until I reminded him of how nice it was when he had a stay in the hospital and when he came home he had nurses aids that came in to care for him. I told him that if he were in a home he would get 24/7 care from people that had changed shifts so they were fresh...and that this is their job to care for them. Then reminded him of how nice the aids were that came to visit him (which he loved because they were so sweet and caring and he loved their attention). I also reassured him that I would visit every day. Suddenly his attitude changed and he is looking forward to going to a home. Please get help for them and you will find your role lighten up to a point that is doable. And don't let yourself feel guilty that all of a sudden you don't have so much to care for. That is a trap many of us caregivers fall into. It does not have to be all on you!! My prayers are certainly with you!

cryssy2012: My heart goes out to you. You have more on your plate than you can handle, and you are going to get sick yourself if you don't make some changes. Contact some free caregiving aid places. A place for mom is one I use. They can put you in touch with people who can help ease the burden. You are not alone. Sometimes when I am with my mother, I think my head is going to explode, she is so difficult. Every time the phone rings I shudder because I will have to talk her down (for the third time, from her latest drama). Being a senior in not so great health, I can tell you the toll it takes on you if you don't find a way to get out from under. Remember - you will do no one any good, and they will have to find someone else to help if you get sick from this. Be a little selfish.

cryssy2002 you are normal, human, and a very caring person. Hang in there and do follow some of the help mentioned above. Don't be hard on yourself if you get help for caring for those depending on you. I had resisted having help from outside but came to realize I needed it. I was getting just what you described that you are going through. I now have a helper come in 3Xs a week for a couple of hours to give me some "me time." I use that for my own chores or just doing nothing :-) I hope you can solve some of your issues in the very near future. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

There are good comments on here and the only thing that I can add is to see if there is an oncology social worker in your town that could help line up some help for your sister. There should be some transportation available hopefully, so that you could get some time for any other needs. My aunt had cancer and they had a volunteer from a support group who took her to doctor visits.

I am starting group therapy I hope it will help get rid of the resentment I dont like feeling this way

Look in your neighborhood or church you can find group therapy some times for free

My thoughts and prayers are with you. They say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but he sure gave you a basketful of hard trials. Hopefully your children will be alright, that is most important. You have to take time for yourself, even if it is just a few minutes each hour. Hide, close the door to your bedroom, even if you do it to cry. That does let off some pain and steam. I thought my situation was bad....I should stop complaining. My Mom is 96 (diabetic, high blood pressure, cannot walk or dress herself or keep herself clean and has dementia) and my brother 73 (losing his eyesight) are both living with me.
Both are obstinate and cranky. My escape time is going to the grocery store or running errands.

Cryssy, I don't know what I can add to all the good counsel and encouragement others have given, except to say that I hope and pray that you get relief, but pronto! Have you spoken to members of your church? I can't imagine them not wanting to rush to your aid, but you need to let your pastor or the head of the women's group know. (In my church, it is called the Relief Society.) You have been given a heavy burden, but the Lord does not expect you to bear it alone. Others out there need the blessing of helping you in your time of crisis.

P.S. Where do you live? I wonder if your family's illnesses were triggered by environmental poisons. Fracking, nuclear waste, mercury, etc. There is so much of it out there and it is killing us!

You are in my prayers as well. I would suggest trying an in-home caregiver service. You need to take a step back and think about what you need to do for your own health. If you can not take care of yourself, no one can expect you to take care of anyone else. Is there anyone else you can ask for help with the running around so you can take care of your mother? It's completely normal for you to feel this way. Hope this helps!

i would write down what that mother said and repeat it back to her when i put her in a nh ...i just don't have the time to take care of you properly.. OR i would just shrug and tell her, looks like you are still alive so i must be doing something right.
your children are your priority, period. and maybe you should run away with your babies for a weekend, leave adult protectives phone number with your mother and pray she calls so when you get home they will have already taken her away.

Omg I thought my plate was overfull with my bed ridden mom. You are lady! I am so sorry all of this problem hit you at once. I will suggest you get mom into a home or an assisted living she will have other elders like her to interact. Do you join any church sometimes they are great help in bringing fresh meals and someone to help clean the house. I always said I will not put my mom until recently my sister told me she is drained out. I am currently 6 months pregnant can't hardly help her anymore. Now I am in the process of moving her to a long term care because I need time for my 6 yrs old plus my new born baby to come. Please take care of yourself first otherwise you will be ended sick unable to care for the rest of the family.

I have no friends, no life, its come to this, so pathetic, I know! BUT thanks to everyone's caring responses it helps so much! Good news, my sister made it through chemo/radiation shes done they only gave her 5 weeks of it. She just needs to be checked regularly every few months. I am so HAPPY PROUD OF MY SISTERS STRENGTH! AND I LOVE HER so much! Is it bad to say that even before her cancer she didnt help with mom even though she lives 3 blocks away. I think 2 mths after her treatments is a good time to TELL HER TO JUST BABYSIT MOM TO GIVE ME TIME TO BREATHE AND BE WITH MY KIDS! SHE DONT NEED TO DO ANYTHIN, but sit & talk to mom. She babysits all her grandkids NOW everyday/weekends anyway, why? so her daughters can work or party & they have money for daycare. My daughter's doctor have found more tumors in her body just this monday Im terrified! & noone other than me,her dad, & her brothers seem to care! Not even my mom or my sister they are the SAME NARCISSISTS! The truth is the truth I love/help them but that has always been a oneway thing my whole life. I miss my dad I am just like him simple, & loving!

Wow..and I thought we had it tough.

Hospice might provide relief for you and your family.
Think about contacting them and see if they can help.
They are a caring organization and will help any way they can.
take care of yourself, you must.