Dad (94) expects me to pay rent since he is "letting me live here". I don't know how to discuss this with him.

Oh, dear. I can relate to this so well. My mother also mentioned that I should pay her rent. I told her I would be glad to if she would pay me for cooking, cleaning, transportation, medication management, healthcare management, yard work... well, everything that goes into maintaining a 4-br house and two people with zero help from anyone. She still thinks I'm making out because I get two rooms to live in rent free.

Maybe you should tell him he is right that you shouldn't live there rent free, so you are going to move out so he won't have to worry about you anymore. I bet he would rethink things quickly.

It is funny. If your father is like my mother, he has changed it in his mind about who is helping who. I believe it helps them to maintain a sense of dignity. It hurts to need help. But pay rent?? No way!

You need a caregiver contract, prepared by an elder care attorney.

"Well, dad. I'm going to be moving out next month. Found a place that's less expensive. Let me know which care giver agency you'd like me to call up so you can get the cooking, cleaning, driving and whatnot done. It should only run you about 25 bucks an hour". No, i can't stay anymore (laugh gently) paying for all the stuff like groceries and utilities for both of us, plus all the care you need is really wearing me out. I'm a senior myself you know. You need a younger person to do all this".

If you are paying all those things, it sounds like he hit the jackpot -- someone who will pay him to take care of him. Sorry, don't mean to sound so mean, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of your niceness.

How would he respond if you kind of did what JessieBelle mentioned - present him with an itemized bill for your services, breaking it down by "profession" i.e. cook, housekeeper, gardener etc. heck - tell him you'll even give him s break and bill at $10 an hour! Seeing as you'll exceed $200 in less than two days would he get the point?

I agree. Put in down on paper and then approach him.

I would go to an Elder Attorney (dad pays).. Make sure he has POA medical/financial . Have attorney write up a caregiver agreement for your services and let the attorney explain the facts to Dad..

Do not continue paying his way! If he doesn't agree he can pay someone else and you can move on.

I don't think I would approach it in such an extreme way. My thoughts on this with my own mother are that she is older and I have to protect my own nest egg in the years I am caring for her. It could be that any money that she could leave her children in an estate would have to be spent if she went into a nursing home. And if there is anything left, then it would be divided evenly among 4 heirs -- 3 that played no part in her care. For me to pay her to stay with her would either be adding extra money to the nursing home or giving it to my siblings. What sense would that make? It would be nice of me, but would make my own life more difficult.

My mother is a difficult person. I would not be here if there was something that made more sense. I appreciate that she has the house and pays the utilities for it, but that is pretty small compared to what I give. If she were to insist that I pay her rent, I would consider it the final straw and help her find a place in assisted living.

Well, when I moved in with him I was still working and I was paying him $500 a month! After I retired he did let me drop it to $200. I've been with him for 7 years!!!

I almost forgot- have a second invoice for his half of the utilities.

Yes, you are paying your father for the privilege of taking care of him. He is taking advantage of you. Please do go see an Elder Attorney, like the previous poster suggested.

So you have been paying your father $200/month rent for how long? During that time, have your expenses and care for your father been increasing?