Has caregiving contributed to the loss of your marriage?

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My cousin and her husband were having marital difficulties and then her mom moved in. My cousin's husband moved out and they are now divorced. I know things were far from perfect but I can't help but wonder if her mom did not move in, if things would have been different.
This is now the second case I have heard of parents moving in and spouses moving out. Is this happening more frequently as adult children are becoming care givers at an increased rate?

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No, if anything, it's making our marriage stronger.
I chose to marry my husband, Bob (rather than another handsome fellow named John) 33 years ago because he was strong in painful situations. I was in college when my brother died at the age of 26, and it was my friend Bob who held me when I sobbed and then rocked me to sleep that night. The next morning, Bob drove back to my place from across town, helped me pack, picked up my airline tickets, withdrew $200 from his bank account so I'd have spending money, drove me to the airport and then walked me to the gate. He was also standing there when I returned.
My boyfriend, John, who was told my brother died before I heard the news, never even called me. When I called him and asked him why he bolted, he said "I didn't know what to say."
We all have acquaintances who can't handle life's lowest moments and highest hurdles. They may be great when life's a party, but they're not the best marriage material.
Bob is STILL my stalwart supporter and shield. Are we tested and tried on a daily basis having my mom living in our home? YOU BET! He retired in December. Now, in the time of our lives we thought we'd be spending weekends on the beach or traveling, we go nowhere together and feel tied down. He may mumble at times, but he's not bolting.
John, most likely, would have moved out by now.
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Do you know that scene in Indiana Jones ,where he has to have faith and walk across the abyss in seemingly thin air? ... That's how I feel.
my mom is nuts and in pain, my siblings won't help, my relationship has not talked to me in 5 months. I'm trying to reach the other end of this passage without falling.

Yes, i am finding out who my allies are, and aren't, when the shit hits the fan.
At least now I know what I am made of... and yes, I'm tired, and really pissed off, but I am proud of myself.
I'm just doing the best I can, and you know what? if what's his name leaves me because I'm taking care of my sick parent, then good riddance.
Now there will be room for some new fresh air in my life.
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As a culture we do not support caregiving. We lose our social network because no one wants to hear our caregiving battles. Tv is about looking younger and doing stuff for yourself--the polar opposite of caregiving. I am grateful of i have time to use the bathroom, my clothes are not ironed and who had time orenergy for makeup. So if you put all these issues together keeping a marriage going is not easy. However my husband treats my parents as if they were his, but we have been together a long time with a lot of faith.
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I made up my mind early on that I would not sacrifice my marriage, health or sanity in the caregiving process. We had a few rough times while Mother was here but it wasn't because of her....it was the siblings; their behavior and lack of respect.
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I found my Fiance used Mom as an excuse a lot but in the long run It was a favor, a sign of his character!!! Glad I saw his true colors before I moved in and married him. Sometimes being alone sucks but I am happy as I have no one creating unnessecary drama in our life..there will be time later for someone when time and person is right...I have learned so many lessons caregiving, I will not allow unhappiness in our life..the best lesson of all I will carry thru the rest of my life!!!
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Joycews, you have probably picked up on the differences in these comments. The ones caregiving with the loved one in a NH, ALF or retirement home are more likely to see caregiving as no threat to their marriages. Those caregiving in their home or living in the loved one's home are more likely to have serious, marriage threatening issues. That makes sense. Privacy, uninterrupted time with the partner, stress levels, boundries for all involved would be bigger issues for those who do their caregiving in their home. The lesson is, if the marriage is shaky or becomes shaky in the course of caregiving, put the loved one in some other living situation. Does that sound about right?
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Yes. Oh yes. It is really hard to be a grown up spouse, lover, adult at the same time as being an adult child AND the parent to the declining parent all at the same time. Something has to give, and unfortunately the marriage is the casualty in too many cases. We nearly lost our marriage due to my husbands father moving in with us, and are still by now means out of the woods yet.
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Caregiving can definitely strain a relationship. My husband and I are undergoing an unwilling separation. He went to be with his Dad as he died of pancreatic cancer. We had also decided we would move there when he graduated from college. He's staying there and I'm still here caring for my Dad who has Alz. and cancer. My husband is supportive of me caring for my Dad, but 1200 miles is torture. We are so lonely for each other and so tired of this separation. I saw him at Christmas, but we can't afford frequent visits. We both go up and down between resigned/supportive and depressed/angry. My faith in God is being shaken along with my marriage being strained. Caregiving is not for wimps - you need courage, support, and more strength than you imagine is possible. Good luck to you and God bless us all.
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No. I would not choose my Mother over my husband. She would not have chosen me over her husband (s). It may sound harsh, but I can't imagine throwing away a marriage to take care of someone. I have no experience in care taking. My mother is thriving in the NH.
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It seems like me and my husband have been through it all and we've already survived. Caregiving is just another feather in our hat and so far we have managed to survive. It's not the fact that it has been tough on our marriage, but caregiving is the toughest thing ever to go through. We have NO life except the company of each other. Mom has been with us almost 3 years and each day gets tougher, but we manage to survive. Trust me caregiving will definitely test a marriage to the limits! We try to laugh off the "funny" things Mom does, but then again, they are not funny, just sad. But, it is one more thing to make you stronger. Prayers and Love to all caregivers out there. It's a rough life, but can either make you stronger or weaker. I have chosen stronger, by the hardest!
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