Anyone have a caregiving assistant who WON'T go away? Advice?

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My FIL has had a very rocky few months and he had a visiting nurse that came to his home. At first he was okay with her and then we do not know all that transpired but he was not too happy with her coming around much anymore and was slightly relieved when his care transitioned. He was being seen by another agency and Medicare would not pay for both.
He is now in the hospital but prior to going, he told my husband that she called him wanting to come back over and see him, give him a bath if he needed and he thanked her but told her, "no" and that someone was taking care of that.
She has contacted us twice today and we found out she contacted another helper (not through an agency) of my FIL trying to find out where it is now. The lady not through an agency had a talk with our family and confirmed some basic concerns we had had about this nurse.

We spoke to the lady we trust this evening and it turns out this nurse was found sitting in my FIL's driveway this afternoon as well as going into nursing homes in the area asking if he is there. The lady told us, "this nurse is telling me she is going to track your FIL down and is insistent on seeing him."

We were concerned with some of the care my FIL received, her snappy attitude toward his family, and her insistence of wanting to "stop by" or to continue contact when she was clearly no longer assigned to be his nurse.
We do not want her to know where he is at the time for several reasons and know there is no going over her head to a supervisor because we expressed some concerns in the past and nothing really changed. Also, once she leaves their office, she is able to go anywhere on her own time.
Has anyone had this happen? I could understand if this had been a private individual we never checked out, but this is someone through a reputable agency.
Any suggestions on how to address this situation?

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Joyce,

If this nurse person is not working for you anymore and you have no other caregivers working for you who work through this agency, the agency should not expect you to call them and give you updates. If you have no more use for their services that should be it. They should say something to you like, "Please contact us in the future if you should ever need more help" or something to that effect. There is no reason in hell you should be keeping in touch with this agency EXCEPT to continue to complain about this person. If you no longer use their services you no should no longer be talking to them about your FIL's health.

Don't contact this woman, don't answer her texts or her emails either. She has crossed so far over the line that any contact from you may be some kind of sick pay-off to her. She writes/texts you ______ times, you finally answer out of exasperation, she gets the message that you WILL talk to her if she bugs you enough.

If complaining to the agency has not stopped the behavior then I'll suggest again that you file a police report. I understand you don't want this person to get mad and make things worse but the police may have suggestions for you plus you will have a legal record (police reports, like nursing reports, are legal records that stand up in court) of the behavior. Also, if you fear reprisals then why would you want to put this person on the news under a microscope? And you may think the situation is titillating enough for an investigative reporter but a reporter may not. This is a domestic situation and I don't have much faith that a reporter is going to get involved except to ask you, "Why haven't you contacted the police?"

You've got a boatload of great suggestions here, lots to choose from. We don't want you going through this so the wagons are circling but it's time to take more action if this person is still coming around. I don't even know you and I get angry just thinking about the position you're in! If you do nothing else, document, document, document every little single thing. And keep us posted.

xoxo
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Hi joycews,
UGH-so sorry to hear you still have that woman bothering you! Have you checked any sites like BBB or Angie's List or Rip Off Report to see if anyone else had problems with this agency and maybe even this person? That may help you if there is.
I think it is time for a restraining order against this woman.

Sheesh, again, I feel so bad for you and your FIL!!! ((((hugs))))
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We have stopped answering any texts for over a month. Probably getting close to two months and the agency has been told three times to leave our family along. They insist they need updates in case he comes home and needs to begin their service again. There are other agencies and my husband feels they are partly the reason my FIL is in the shape he is. If it were my parent, I would hire an attorney but I can only do so much. I have a question mark about the entire agency. They all have been told point blank. There are two good investigative reporters in our town. Hoping to not need them.
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It sounds that you've done effective things, and she is no longer coming and sitting in the driveway. Is there something wrong with either ignoring her email, or sending it to her agency. Sometimes things have to be done several times, to make the case strongly. Or, if she writes again, send her a one liner that says, " We have asked you not to contact us. You are no longer involved here. Please respect our wishes and stay out of this case. I am sending this email and a copy of yours to your company. Leave us alone."

I understand all the reasons to stand up without confusion, not be guided by fear. But some people are thick headed, and they also think that if they are just emailing and asking for update, that is nice not awful. So, I'm not saying coddle her, but be crystal clear with no politeness, and ut before taking steps to get others after her, I'd suggest being clear and sending copies,
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I have no clue what is missing. All I know is what my FIL has told me, what other caregivers who have been around her have told me and how she has acted toward us. I do not know why she brought her husband, however, her husband has not been the problem -- she is.
The rehab facility has taken the necessary measures and the agency has been told to stop calling us and for her to stay away. They have been informed of her behavior and essentially have said, "so what?"
The stupid thing stared texting again today actually expecting updates. I'm wondering if going to the media over the entire mess would just be much more effective than any restraining order which will probably just jack this nut-case up more. Police in our area will not take this seriously and I know it but the media would.
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Eyerishlash could not have expressed it better!
You do need to move on this, because this woman is a stalker.

I read one of the other posters comments, and it was too slanted on the side of making more work for you and your family to try to figure, psychoanalyze this nurse and her motives. If your FIL, your husband, and the transitions about the health care involved aren't enough for this person to understand, NO, then it's her problem. There is something called the professional standard of care, and through the details involved in this story, this individual is not delivering the goods.

My very best to you and your family, but please don't allow your fear, to take over, for then it could regrettably become neglect. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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That is a scary situation you should put a restraining order on her and avoid any contact. Now days you can't trust people specially with those kind of behavors.
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Something is way off here...Id call both her employer and the police. I wonder if she has a history of preying on the elderly. Let us know what happens.
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Maybe I've lived in the big city too long but under no circumstances would I approach this nut job or have any conversations with her. People get shot over less. I'd call the police if she came on the property. Unfortunately, I had a horrible experience with my mother's paid caregiver from an agency. No disrespect to the nice caregivers on this thread. I wish I'd known y'all when my mom needed a caregiver. Anyway, she needs professional help. Your dad is first priority. This goofball needs to get the h/ll outa Dodge. Scary situation!
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There's something missing from this story. Either the DIL is not being told the whole story, or the FIL is not telling the whole story. Stalkers don't bring their husbands...unless, of course she is married to a stalker husband! And,what are the odds of that? No. There's something missing from this narration. I would go back to the woman, the FIL, or maybe the DIL and question everyone to get to the bottom of this. Good luck
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