Do any other caregivers experience sobbing spells?

As a caregiver to my husband, I often cry more than once a week. I don't think it is "pre-grieving" in my case but rather that I am grieving over the fact that the man I married is already gone and my life, as a result, has become so stressed, sad and lonely.

Yes. I do break out in crying jags. I'm can't claim such tragedy or such a caregiving burden as you are experiencing, but the isolation of providing live-in care for my Mom causes me to break down in tears about once a week. I don't know if I'm "pre-grieving" her, or grieving the loss of my own normal life, but the crying jag is usually unexpected and inconvenient. I send you prayers for strength and personal peace.

I don't mean to be flippand and to trivialize the pain that we care givers experience on a daily basis. But crying jags make me even more unhappy and so lately when things get out of hand for me emotionally, I sit in my car and start forcing myself to laugh as the chinese do in their laughing classes. It really does help me and I am not crazy honestly. Research shows that laughter even forced ones actually release the good hormones. Good luck to you

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said that "Caregivers are the invisible victims of Alzheimer's Disease". Unfortunately true. It is nice to have a little visibility once in a while so that people can acknowledge the fact that what we are doing is so very hard.

Yes, I too experience crying spells. I feel like they are a good thing sometimes, because they allow me to release the pain caused by seeing someone I love continue to decline. Caregiving is a roller coaster with uncertainty at every drop and corner. If you lookup caregiver grief, you may find some comfort. You are a courageous and strong person to be able to do what you are doing. Hugs

I was so busy with funeral arrangements when my parents died that the sadness didn't hit me until quite a few months later when the reality and finality of the situation really hit me. My parents had been divorced since I was quite young and they died many years apart. I had been estranged from my mother from the age of 12 until the age of 32 and only had 10 months to spend with her before she died of lung cancer, during which time I helped to take care of her with a paid health aide. Her death, which happened suddenly at the age of 62, hit me very hard a few months later. My father was 87 by the time he died when I was older and, unfortunately, had had a lot more experience with the death of people close to me. I was sad when he died but also a little bit relieved because he had been a highly educated physician who had lived a long, productive life (continuing to work and downhill ski until his early 80s) before becoming incapacitated at the end of his life so I didn't feel I had as much "unfinished business" with him as I had had with my mother. I was sad when my father died but didn't have the crying jags that I had after my mother died. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and feelings sadness for some time is normal. If, however, you feel that the sadness is more than you can handle, it might be a good idea to look into counselfing.

I do agree that the tears are a way of cleansing away the pain....at least for a short time. My heart goes out to each and every one of you dealing with the decline and loss of a loved one. When my mother first had her stroke...I mourned for the loss of her independence and the loss of life as I knew it. Nine years down the line, sometimes I just need to cry to release the effects of stress and anxiety. During these nine years that I've been her caregiver, I've lost my Godmother (who was the only family member who would come by to give me a day off each week) and I also lost a beloved granddaughter. Losing loved ones never gets any easier, but the important thing to remember is that in spite of everything, we are not alone. Prayers for strength and peace really help, and if all else fails, a 'good cry' releases a lot of built up anxiety. My best wishes go out to each and every one of you.

I am sorry for your loss. With all due respect, I'd be crying my eyes out every minute if I had to do caregiving part II with another person. You have been through so much with your mother, recognize that it just may be the thought of another lifetime of care that has you overwrought. Perhaps, I am wrong in with you, but it sure would be integral in my case.

I think you have a normal grief process going on for your recent loss of your mother. You were her primary caregiver and so when you are running at top speed to care for her, her death feels like someone drew a rug from under your feet and your world seems so strange without her presence. I felt this way when my parents died and I would be fine and then just break down a weep. I think it is us dealing with the loss of the person in our life. You loved your mother and you miss her. In time, I began to appreciate the times I had with my parents. I began to think/dream of them prior to their illnesses or old age ailments. Remember trips we took together, the fun we had together. I still miss them but
I realize I am mourning my loss not their lives, each of them had good well lived lives.

It takes time to deal with death. Cry when you feel the need, don't be embarrassed it only shows that you had the capacity for a deep love. People who don't grieve such a loss, perhaps never experienced the depth of love.
It will get better with time, I wrote some of feeling in a diary. It was often a very short entry but it gave me a chance to get my feelings out.

I am sure you are worried about the future for your husband given his diagnosis. However, it is beyond his and your control. Perhaps he will
not decline for a long time. I would take it one day at a time because in the
end that is all any of us can do. We never know what great or sad things lie
ahead--I think I would rather not know anyway. Life is full of surprises.

Good luck.

I read your story ( coincidentally) as tears were rolling down my face . And felt like you were talking to me Today is 1 year since my mother has been living with me. Although I have been taking care of her for the previous ten years. She has brain damage from a fall, dementia and diabetes. She doesn't know who I am and as much as she doesn't recognize me I can hardly recognize myself either.Or at least what was life before any of this..Oddly can't remember crying like today.. l will pray for you and hope that you will find strength in that. Somehow the crying is good release valve.. Its like a million thought crashing everywhere--(can i keep on doing this--If i don't how can I afford putting her in a home. When will i sleep.. Love- aggravation-mourning-resentment-burnout.... Once a week i have an hour and i will go sit in mychurch for an hour. It has given me strength to go on and I hope to continue God Willing.. Bless You