I just read an article about over-controlling caregivers and I do many of the items in the list. The one that really got me was that I prepare dinner most nights for Mom. I don't let her make her own dinner or help make our dinner. (Mom is 67, had a stroke, has blind spots over half her vision, and no longer can understand quantity or measure things accurately.) So my evenings in the kitchen are quiet times for me. I cook very simple meals that require little work - like chicken thighs on a Foreman grill and boiled potatoes and broccoli, for example. I don't want to watch Mom cook. Selfishly, I don't really want to cook together, either. Her vision makes it hard to move around her in a small space and we bump into each other. And I don't want the food ready when I get home because I want to feed the dogs first and then spend some time reading by myself.
Yesterday I made it possible for Mom to cook this soup she loves which can be made in the crock pot. She even cut the cabbage herself. It was a success. But she can't eat that everyday! :)
So now I feel guilty that I'm being too controlling. We can't win for losing, can we?!
It sounds like you are doing great on the cooking issues for your mother. Try the once-a-week plan and see how that goes.
In general, it is good to allow/encourage our impaired loved ones to do what they can for themselves, keeping safety and abilities in mind. But it is also OK to consider your own needs. For example, if supervising Mom's dinner preparation takes twice a long as just doing it yourself it is OK to factor that in when making decisions. If you simply don't like having her in the kitchen with you, that is a valid consideration. Everything doesn't always have to be about what is good for her. You count, too.
It will probably help you to be clear about "I'm doing things this way for Mother's benefit" and "I need to do it this way for my sake." A balance between the two would be my goal.
I realized on my drive home (after I posted my question) that I might be able to let her cook once a week, maybe, while I read on the porch just outside the kitchen. Then I get a "break." I know if I present it that way, she will be willing. I've begun a list of possible family recipes we can try. Or she can do simple things like the foreman grill herself, I think. It's worth a try.
So glad to have this forum!!!