I just read an article about over-controlling caregivers and I do many of the items in the list. The one that really got me was that I prepare dinner most nights for Mom. I don't let her make her own dinner or help make our dinner. (Mom is 67, had a stroke, has blind spots over half her vision, and no longer can understand quantity or measure things accurately.) So my evenings in the kitchen are quiet times for me. I cook very simple meals that require little work - like chicken thighs on a Foreman grill and boiled potatoes and broccoli, for example. I don't want to watch Mom cook. Selfishly, I don't really want to cook together, either. Her vision makes it hard to move around her in a small space and we bump into each other. And I don't want the food ready when I get home because I want to feed the dogs first and then spend some time reading by myself.
Yesterday I made it possible for Mom to cook this soup she loves which can be made in the crock pot. She even cut the cabbage herself. It was a success. But she can't eat that everyday! :)
So now I feel guilty that I'm being too controlling. We can't win for losing, can we?!