I have care of my husband, 60, brain cancer/dementia, my father, 92, and step mother, 92. Where my father and step mother are somewhat able to care for themselves my husband is declining rapidly. I work 40 hours a week to get by. I have some help not much but catch myself just in survival mode only. My work is somewhat suffering, home is falling apart, and as others have stated same questions over and over and over again. Enough, Thank you for listening.
I tried something that helped me a lot and may help others. I took a yoga class that focused on meditation. I spoke with the yoga instructor after class and told her that I had been waking up in the middle of the night, every 1.5 to 2 hours... for YEARS!!!!
She said... 'your breath is always with you'. That helped me a lot last night. The first two times I woke up with stress in my chest I jumped up out of bed as I usually do and tried to settle back to sleep. Finally, the last time I woke up I remembered... my breath is always with me... I tried to focus on my breath. In and out, breathing slowly, feeling my chest fill and my stomach rise, and then lower... I fell back to sleep and slept for 4 hours straight.
I am hopeful this suggestion of meditation, focusing on our breathing... because our breath is a miracle and it is always with us, will help.
Bless all of you who are so giving and loving. I hope you know you are not alone... in this journey.
In caregiving, we often find ourselves going back and forth from reality and insanity. Reacting instead of responding b/c we dropped our brain somewhere. It's understandable, then, when neighbors refer to us as nuttier than a fruitcake.
After this chapter in your life is closed, you'll notice a resilient caregiving survivor that's not afraid of what comes your way b/c you've been through worse.
You are, after all, a Superwoman that makes the people around you want to be a better person and a better human being. Thank you.
You are stronger than you think. Get your focus on the pinpoint light in the distance and see it get bigger and brighter. Start formulating plans for your life after caregiving.
NOTHING lasts forever. Imagine this difficult situation is a box or a block of time that you must be in for a limited time to learn a lesson. Think about what that lesson may be-- why are you in this dreadful scenario and what goodness can you gain for yourself to make you a better person?
If you can compartmentalize your specific caregiving experience and tell yourself unless you take the steps to find your parent alternative care, you will use it for good and growth. You cannot let it or the person destroy you. You must turn it around for your good. What do you think? Blessings, dear one xo
Had I not needed to work during that time, things would have been much less stressful for our whole family. After about a year of always being pressed for time, I gladly sacrificed my full-time job, and reduced my hours to 20 weekly.
I urge you to consider reducing your work hours, if possible. I'm assuming your parents have Social Security retirement and perhaps other income from pensions and your husband has Social Security disability payments as well. Slowing down your pace will benefit everyone involved. Take care.
RESPITE
Find a program with volunteer respite workers. Hire a reliable person who can sit with your loved one, from an agency or from people you know in your community. Encourage a family member or one of your loved one's friends to help out.
To retain your sanity and your personality you CANNOT spend 24/7/365 with an ill person no matter how much you love them. You need breaks. It helps to have a job away from the home, to interact with other "normal" adults, but work can add its own stress to the mix. You still need respite time to recharge your own batteries. At least some of the respite time should be "me" time. Doing errands doesn't count.
There are other things you can do, but the number one essential is to take breaks from the constant caregiving.
I hope you look back over at each day and feel like you have been a precious contribution to everyone and everything you have done. I hope you feel good and blessed that you have been such an angel!
Each interaction, each good thing you do... I hope you are proud of yourself and can feel very, very good about it. At the end of a long, long time of that you will have a huge pile of good things that will make up your very kind life.
Don't look at the other side because you are not on the other side yet. You are "here" now. Take it day by day. Your strength builds gradually, your ability to endure grows gradually. Yes, get help. Your job outside of the home will keep you In touch with "normal." You will not be crazy, you will be remarkable. Please get some help to come in. xo
I'd suggest that you contact the National Family Caregivers Support Program in your state. If you type your state name in your search engine and then aging or another similar search word, you should find caregiving and the NFCSP program. Some state's use a slightly different title but every state has a program. They can be very helpful. Maybe they can find a way for you to get some respite.
Take care,
Carol