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I have care of my husband, 60, brain cancer/dementia, my father, 92, and step mother, 92. Where my father and step mother are somewhat able to care for themselves my husband is declining rapidly. I work 40 hours a week to get by. I have some help not much but catch myself just in survival mode only. My work is somewhat suffering, home is falling apart, and as others have stated same questions over and over and over again. Enough, Thank you for listening.

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You have more to cope with than most people, since your relatively young husband is so ill and your parents in their 90s! Can your siblings do more for you parents so that you can concentrate on your husband? It seems he's declining the most at this time.
I'd suggest that you contact the National Family Caregivers Support Program in your state. If you type your state name in your search engine and then aging or another similar search word, you should find caregiving and the NFCSP program. Some state's use a slightly different title but every state has a program. They can be very helpful. Maybe they can find a way for you to get some respite.
Take care,
Carol
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Your question is " how do you come out on the other side without being completely crazy?"
Don't look at the other side because you are not on the other side yet. You are "here" now. Take it day by day. Your strength builds gradually, your ability to endure grows gradually. Yes, get help. Your job outside of the home will keep you In touch with "normal." You will not be crazy, you will be remarkable. Please get some help to come in. xo
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JeanneGibbs' Number One Tip for Retaining Sanity:
RESPITE
Find a program with volunteer respite workers. Hire a reliable person who can sit with your loved one, from an agency or from people you know in your community. Encourage a family member or one of your loved one's friends to help out.

To retain your sanity and your personality you CANNOT spend 24/7/365 with an ill person no matter how much you love them. You need breaks. It helps to have a job away from the home, to interact with other "normal" adults, but work can add its own stress to the mix. You still need respite time to recharge your own batteries. At least some of the respite time should be "me" time. Doing errands doesn't count.

There are other things you can do, but the number one essential is to take breaks from the constant caregiving.
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Dear you are really dealing with a tremendous amount on your plate. You really should ask for help. It has taken me about a year and a half to get to the point of where I actually ask for the help that I so needed. Please do not take on this burden alone. Don't wait until it has completely overwhelmed you, do it now. Your love and devotion are only as good to them as your emotional and physical health are. Please take care of yourself and your loved ones will benefit from the care that you can provide them without being exhausted mentally and physically. Prayers going out to you and your family.
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Thank you I will give it a shot. Times get tough trying to juggle it all. Only one sibling, man, not much help. My kids try when allowed. Glad there is someone out there who understands the multiple problems involved.
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I am so sorry for you, your situation is even worse then mine and I am losing my mind, I already take 6 mg of xanax a day, full time caregiver for my 75 year old mother who lives with me and has dementia and many other diseases, My husband wants a divorce, I don't drive, I am scared to death. I will keep you in my prayers and would appreciate you keeping me and my mom in yours, hugs
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Wow I thought I had it bad! Angelmaker and ejbunicom you are both carrying a heavy load. I had two here but one, my brother in law just went to a Veteran's home. I just had a knee arthroscopy and I was totally prepared for it. All food cooked ahead of time. Of course it did not go as planned. I was nauseous from the pain meds so I had to stop taking them until the next day. When a friend brught me the anti nausea med, I asked my husband to get me a glass of water. I was shocked that he didn't have a clue about what I was asking! He is even worse than I thought mentally. Physically he is really pretty good. He just has no clue about what I am talking. I would suggest church, friends, family all be contacted for help as well as state or county help. Take ALL that they will give you. Was either of the older folk in the service. Their plan is fabulous for taking on new patients. Good luck with everything. I haven't really asked for any help yet, except for a couple of meals when I was down with the surgery. At any rate my surgery was last Thursday. It is Sunday and I feel great today.....no pain meds needed. I have just started going to support groups for AZ caregivers. I have gone to only one.
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I think you are doing amazing things.

I hope you look back over at each day and feel like you have been a precious contribution to everyone and everything you have done. I hope you feel good and blessed that you have been such an angel!

Each interaction, each good thing you do... I hope you are proud of yourself and can feel very, very good about it. At the end of a long, long time of that you will have a huge pile of good things that will make up your very kind life.
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I wouldn't want to reduce my work hours because I really need that time away from my husband. It also helps me to be reminded that I am someone who is respected for my professional knowledge and experience. I see my work hours as a sort of vacation from my more demanding job of caregiving. I would feel even more stressed if I worked less.
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Hi All,

I tried something that helped me a lot and may help others. I took a yoga class that focused on meditation. I spoke with the yoga instructor after class and told her that I had been waking up in the middle of the night, every 1.5 to 2 hours... for YEARS!!!!

She said... 'your breath is always with you'. That helped me a lot last night. The first two times I woke up with stress in my chest I jumped up out of bed as I usually do and tried to settle back to sleep. Finally, the last time I woke up I remembered... my breath is always with me... I tried to focus on my breath. In and out, breathing slowly, feeling my chest fill and my stomach rise, and then lower... I fell back to sleep and slept for 4 hours straight.

I am hopeful this suggestion of meditation, focusing on our breathing... because our breath is a miracle and it is always with us, will help.

Bless all of you who are so giving and loving. I hope you know you are not alone... in this journey.
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