Where can I turn if I feel like I am at the end of my rope?

RLP, I am with you. Millieannie, I do think there needs to be changes for your sake and your husband's, Having a person with a personlity disorder in your home (if I understand your circumstances correctly) is extremely stressful and it sounds as if you have enough to deal with in light of your own health problems.What does your doc think? It sounds like her doc is cooperative.

Millieannie, I am worried about you and your husband, first of all. You have the right to be healthy AND you have the right to be treated with respect. It sounds like you have some resources to draw from,but it is hard to get started with the calling,paperwork, and sheer work this will involve. I get the impression that you are at the point so many of reach. We just need to be heard and validated. Please know that we do hear you and validate your frustrations. Please write us any time we can listen or try to help. Rebecca

Thank you all for your help. It is a personality disorder, no doubt. I have been to the hospital with her several times over the years because of "chest pain". My brother that lives in NYC which is far away from me has said for years its an anxiety related thing. I have been in touch with her MD today. I worked with him for many years and he knows if I ask for something it is something legit as I took care of many of his patients thru out my career. It is good to have someone to connect with. If things should really get bad,i.e. there really is a physcical cause. We will have to connect with someone for outside help. Many hugs to all that have answered me.

Millieannie,
I think emjo is right. It sounds to me like she might being using health complaints as a way to manipulate others but when she is called on it she says it's gone. My father does the same thing all the time and for the longest time I bought into it and it overwhelmed me and my health. Do a Social Service check like was suggested and focus on doing what you can to take care of yourself and your husband. Once you find out any legitimate problem then figure out the best course of action. Just don't do anything at the expense of your own physical, mental and emotional health. If it's something you can't handle then do what you can to see that she is cared for by professionals. There is no shame in standing up for your well being and helping her in the best way for both of you. You have to love and care for yourself first, then you can do more for others. Love to you.
Cricket

You should contact your local Area Agency on Aging.

(((((Millieannie))))) - do what you have to do to look after yourself. To me it sounds like your mum has a personality disorder. Mine does and they are very hard to deal with.She is emotionally abusing you and your huisband. Please do what you have to do to protect yourself and your husband. She needs professional care and you need a break and some peace. It would be too much for anyone, nevermind someone in poor health. Do come back and let us now how thingss are. I think having social services do a check is a great idea too. More ((((((hugs))))) Joan

Milliannie, I had to vent yesterday, so I get you. It's a hard, hard watch we are on now. I think your plan to just call 911 is perfect. It's a way to protect all three of you, and begin teaching her that you mean what you say. Sending you good vibes...

In this case, her MD knows she has talked crazy for years. Its one minute she has something wrong and when you tell her its time to go have it checked out, it amazingly goes away. NO ONE helps me. The niece shows up to get blank checks and talk about them behind their back. I worked in the healthcare field for many years. I know that incompentency is hard to prove in some cases. I don't think really I would have that much trouble. She is so mean to me and my husband, yet she thinks we should haul her out of the floor. I am now just barely able to walk and so is my husband. If she falls again, its 911 and to the hospital.. I don't know anything else to do. I am 65 and my husband is 70 and has had 2 MI's. The last one left him very weak. He tries to do but winds up short of breath and hurting. I just had to vent to someone. I feel like I am losing my mind at times. Thanks for the answer.

You may have to get the court orders if you feel this is out of control. Incompetency is hard to prove, however. You could try to have social services do a welfare check on them and see if they can get your mom to a doctor. Sometimes, unless you are able to prove incompetency, there isn't much you can do to help. Apparently you other sibling or siblings aren't helping either, so you've got a challenge.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol