Would you ever act as caregiver for a relative who falsely turned you in for Elder Abuse to them?

My biological mom is a raving 'christian' and threatened me with elder abuse when I was taking care of my mom (her sister). Of course she had no idea what we were dealing with, hadn't seen her sister in decades, would say terrible things about her sister, my mom whom I loved very much, on the phone to me and still expected me to be executrix for her estate (she never had more children) and probably had designs on me for a caregiver if needed.

I told her to remove me from her will and if she didn't I threatened to give everything away to the Gay Atheists (don't know if there is such a thing but sounded good at the time).

There is no way I would subject myself to caregiving of my mom's intensity again much less care for a woman who is a hypocritical religious zealot and abusive to boot.
These days I will not tolerate any kind of negativity in my life. If it can be eliminated I will eliminate it. I've had it and any kind of threats are a no go and I don't care if it's the disease talking or not. Screw it.

Raven! Listen to the caregivers here! Choose Life! Yours!

lovbob

I'm on the "hell, NO!" bandwagon and would also suggest, that when the estate is settled .. sell the house and split the proceeds, everyone going their own direction. Detach from that sibling, get some counselling and move ON with your life. Sounds to me like you've been DOing for everyone else for long enough.

Remember that you deserve to live your own life.

All I can say as once I removed the toxic family from our life mother n I have never been more at peace....It was painful to let go as a female and a compassionate person I felt the need to care for these peeps as they obviously could not do for themselves but they brought more pain and hurt than anything with them so only after hospital social worker witnessed the chaos and advised me it was time to make a choice, your mother or them, did I finally let go....wish I had done it many years prior but it was the best choice no doubt!!!!
I wish you luck and support and lots of love to you in your dilemma.....
Peace,
Juju

Don't do it. Caregiving involves a high level of TRUST. It appears there is none from your relative. You will be miserable....make other arrangements. It is hard enough dealing with the day to day chores as a caregiver, it will be even more draining on you emotionally. Can you seek other arrangements for her?

Are you a professional cargiver? Do you do anything else for fun or profit?
Maybe plan your future by training for something else so that by the time your crazy relative needs a caregiver, you'll be busy with another vocation. I'll bet if you accidently turned the hose on her while watering the garden, she might just shrivel up and leave her pointy hat on the ground. In the meantime, you get a restraining order against HER.

Wyndie, you were very fortunate to escape being arrested for elder abuse from this. You had a witness. If you ever get bullied or guilty into taking care her of her - it's a one-on-one situation. This time you most likely would not have a witness the next time she accuses you. And she WILL accuse you. My father might have dementia but was never diagnosed. For the past couple of months, he's accusing me of trying to kill him whenever I go against his wishes. It's part of the dementia.

Anyway, why on earth would you even say yes to caring for her? She has already proven that she has no problem accusing you falsely. There's nothing to stop her from doing it again. Caregiving is already so stressful. You and her would double or triple your stress.

But most important of all - APS already told you not to go near or touch her. I would listen to them. Can you imagine if she fell and got bruised? You already got a record with APS, I'd avoid this relative as much as possible.

If none of the relatives step up, you can call APS on her. Let Them handle her.

Hey Raven, Bless your heart, dear one. There is such a thing as being a "doormat." If you were raised in a "Christian home" how come it did not rub off on your sister? What is her excuse?
Suggestion: assertiveness training, tough love-- learn to say "no, I have plans."
Get your own life, as I suggested in first post to your question. You can still be a Christian. God does not want you to be taken advantage of. He created you to reflect "Him", not a doormat.
Good luck to your jealous sister. Typical golden child.
You are special. Don't forget it;) xo

Way to go, Captain Bobbie! WhooHoo! xo

Raven1, your sister sounds mentally ill, can't be trusted and needs to look elsewhere for her next doormat. Don't do it. Why would you ever feel guilty for not wanting to set yourself up for more false reporting and abuse? She sounds dangerous.
I'm still LMAO, bobbie321, at your response!! Good for you. My mother claimed to be such a good Christian. How does a Christian wind up disowning her own flesh and blood (me and my kids) after caring for her many years? I did learn something from my mom though and that was not to take crap, dont put up with the negative and stand up to people like her and raven1's sister. I have vowed to never again give care to someone who thinks they can threaten me with elder abuse, go to a lawyer to accuse me of stealing and make my life hell. Won't happen, and I also don't care if its the disease either.

Raven, a little Christian theology might help. I was seeing a bad situation and asked my parish priest, who was also a very highly trained theologian. He told me that the Christian duty of forgiveness is crucial spiritually and also psychologically. It allows us to release and let go of bitterness that could poison our lives. HOWEVER, forgiveness DOES NOT MEAN just ignoring the situation - we are expected to deal reasonable consequences for bad behavior. For example, you report child molesters, - think about that horror at Penn State - the coach that was guilty had been doing that for a long time and at least some of his family knew but forgave him - well, forgive and then call the cops was the advice I received. Your sister sounds like a sociopath... way way beyond your ability to treat much less heal. Best thing you can do is to limit the evil she does - indeed as a Christian you have an obligation to do that, which in your case, it would seem to me, would mean that you should not get involved with her in any way. Frankly, with these narcissists, it will not do you any good to try to have a normal relationship with them. Some might call it a mental problem, but I suspect it is usually a moral problem - habitual sins against justice, peace and charity. They would have to want to change and keep working at it honestly, but really how often does that actually happen? (I mean really change, not just play at it for manipulation). The advice to live your own life as a child of God is right on target and your real primary duty as a Christian. No one is to be abused nor is anyone ever lawful prey.