Husband is only 50. It has been a year since he had multiple strokes and Vascular dementia along with a hydrocele. I'm exhausted.

Hummin, you need help. You aren’t well yourself and this is too much for you to handle in addition to your kids. Not to mention, this is not a healthy situation for them.

Its not normal to get sick and pass out. Does he have health insurance? Get him back to his doctor and tell them they have to find out why. Then, call your local Medicaid office and apply. He should be in a facility. Call Health and Human Services and tell them you need help. It’s out there, you just need to ask. In the meantime, get Depends for him. At least if he messes in public, it won’t be all over the restroom. I know how you feel. My husband has also done that and the manager came out and talked to us about it the next time we went there. I was never so embarrassed in my life.

Good luck. Sorry the venting didn’t help.

Is there any reason that you don't have assistance with his care? Does he have health insurance? Is he on disability and therefore has Medicare? I agree with Ahmijoy, in that he should be evaluated by a doctor for his medical situation to see what's going on and what type of care he needs.

People who have dementia can't be expected to handle their own hygiene and so that with incontinence, he would need constant care for that. It's really a huge job and not likely one for a person who is suffering with their own health issues. I hope you can find some answers.

Since venting doesn’t help, I’d say that is ONE MORE sign that your husband isn’t getting the care required to manage his condition. You aren’t being helpful for him, your family or yourself if you keep him from the care he needs. Don’t be afraid to get him help through Medicaid but do seek help from a NAELA or CELA qualified elder attorney to help you protect your families finances. It’s important how you file for Medicaid. See the attorney first. Even if you decide not to file now, you will better understand what your options are. Don’t wait until you collapse or your husband develops worse symptoms that create an emergency. Just knowing what your choices are should help you realize that you do have options. Taking action almost always helps.