i really don't know what I need or why I am exactly writing this but I am feeling so lost I need to do something. The last five years has been really rough with my mom. She has continually struggled with health and has had a steady decline over the last year or so. Five years ago my mom had a surgery that about took her from us...i will never forget the ICU code call and the sternal rub that she didn't respond to. since then my mom has become a shell of herself, she has moderate dementia, can only take care of her own ADL's with assist most often then not, falls continually (multiple falls a day sometimes, and at least two or more a week). we've been to the ER three or four times this year for various infections, and found out she has TIA's in march, and she had another surgery in July to clear her sinus cavity of the impaction that we found out after the fact was actually a staph infection. since the diagnosis of her TIA's we have come to realize that she probably has them a lot more often then we think, and has had them for a long time. She ended up in a rehab for 20 days in September, but since coming home has only went down hill more. Since coming home in October the doctors have said that there is nothing else they can do for the TIA's, they can't figure out where the clots come from or what causes them. They don't know why her health is failing in general, why she is falling, or anything else other then to say that her body is starting to fail her in general.
We've had the discussions as a family to plan for next steps, and to talk about what to do if mom were to have a serious stroke. I struggle with all of these discussions, and though overall i agree with the decisions I really struggle with losing my mom. I have lost parts of her so long ago i feel foolish missing what we had, but I miss her. I don't know what I need but I need to feel better, or learn to cope with all this without going crazy. I work in a high stress job and have two high schoolers and stay incredibly busy keeping up with them. Most of the time I feel like I am just one slip from losing my mind and everything in life. Is this normal? does it get better? any ideas how to cope and live with this all!?