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Well, this is more of a whine than a discussion topic because I know the answer is yes, I am being petty, but it annoys the heck out of me that mom's aide feels free to help herself to our food. I'm not talking about full course meals, but a handful of peanuts here, a scoop of hummus there, sampling the fruit I have prepared for mom. This woman is here only two days a week for a total of 8 hours, I would never, ever feel comfortable taking such liberties in an employers home.

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Agree no caregiver should help themselves uninvited to food in someones house and I would never do that.
But I can tell you how pissed off I feel when I have sat with a dieing loved one half the night when the family comes in and cooks up breakfast and does not so much as offer a cup of coffee. Other wonderful families make sure the nurse is well fed. It takes all sorts but I soon learned to always have a snack in the car.   It just underlines the need to set the rules for your expectations at the beginning
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I had the same problem with the same emotions. Feeling my reactions where petty and selfish. I came to the realization that what I was reacting to was the way she helped herself to my food. Body language, that I saw, was intitlement along with everything was up for grabs. She would make me angry with her leaving one piece of food. I took this as her telling me I ran out-- needs to be replaced. How do you leave one piece of ham or one piece of bread?? She would eat at least four times a day. I found myself grocery shopping just for her. After realizing what I was doing along with why I was doing it --- to keep her happy --- a stop was put into place. We can't deny the negative feelings we have as petty but you can't keep feeding the one that takes advantage of our food. It may take awhile but you do come to stop feeling petty and selfish about this.
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?!?!!?

What a liberty, indeed!

No, it is not okay! No, you are not being petty! Good grief.

I always made enough for my respite caregiver to share lunch with my mother, but a) that was so mother wouldn't be eating alone and b) she was *invited.* AND she always brought her own lunch, besides, she never took it for granted that she'd be catered for.

So unless yours is doing this purely in the spirit of keeping your mother company and putting her at ease, I think you should feel free to mention that it isn't what you would expect and you would prefer it if she kept her face out of your fridge, thank you very much.
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I specifically mentioned I my caregiver interviews that I welcomed them to help themselves to coffee and tea but made it clear that they were to bring their own meals. Now I feel bad because I have just found out that Mom has been sharing their lunches by giving them the hungry puppy look until they share.

I don't think snacks would bother me so much but I can see where it would bother some. But then, you feel petty saying anything.

I get it.
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It's really the whole invasion of privacy thing, many of these women are used to helping people who are living without family supports so they tend to take over for them. I think sometimes she doesn't get it that this is MY home, I live here too, and that some things are here for me alone, not for mom and not for sharing.
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I've often quashed a desire to phone up the Agency chief to give her a lecture on things that I would do differently if I were in charge. The fear of course is that any changes made might not be for the better, I have no say in who is sent here beyond b**ching after the fact. Any concerns I have are relayed to a case manager who in turn relays them to the agency, the last round had the director dropping in when I was away to see how the caregiver was doing... of course everything was fine, or I assume so since nothing changed. The bureaucracy surrounding it all is just so, so... it makes me tired just thinking about trying to change things.
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I don't think it's petty. I think you have to reset boundaries. I've had to do this with my mom's caregiver. She would sneak off to the store without my mom. I nipped that in the bud. I buy plenty of food to share with her so I'm not really concerned about that but I expect 100% coverage of my parent when I go to work. I decided not to let food boundaries be an issue from the beginning because she's with my mom 5 days a week.
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My mother's caregiver, open my unopened bag of potato chips, ate all of my mother's snacks and drank her juice. She asked if she could borrow my house shoes - while she had my house shoes on her feet. She went into my freezer and helped herself to my frozen dinners. I had to bring this to a complete halt. I was hesitant when I first noticed it because my mother liked her and she was a good caregiver and I just thought that those items were small, but if you take all of the incidents in total - she is wrong and I hope my telling her about it does not create a situation where I would need to replace her.
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I wouldn't call it petty - you're certainly entitled to your feeling on the matter. However, it does make me wonder if maybe there isn't a bit of transference going on. Kinda like just one more thing in your life that is effected by having your mom live with you. If my mother had lived with me, I imagine I'd feel the same way - "Great! Now I have to hide my own frickin' can of peanuts in my own frickin' house!"

I have to admit that when it comes to Rainman I tend to go the opposite direction - attempts at bribery and sucking up so that the few people I trust to look after him think it's a great gig and hopefully would never consider NOT doing it.
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I asked the agency I used what the expectation was for mealtime and they replied the caregivers bring their own food and snacks

Of course the caregiver showed up emptihanded everyday but that was just one of many things I decided I would have to overlook - the food didn't bother me so much but drinking all my bottled water sure irked me

Another agency which I didn't use required a meal be provided even for a 4 hour shift
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