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I am 23 and am a caregiver to my grandparents. My grandmother has Parkinson's and has anxiety attacks throughout the day and my grandfather is a diabetic and seems to be depressed and anxious all the time. Both seem to be going down hill in the past few months. I have tried to get a nurse in the home to help but they are not okay with letting anyone in their house. I have no other family members close by to help. My grandmother can no longer leave the house to even see a doctor and my grandfather seems to have given up all hope. Both of their doctors have been no help and claim they are getting healthier but I see absolutely no signs of that at all. I simply just do not know what to do to help them.

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lmno123, there may not be anyway that you can help them other than to help with meals and making sure they take their medications. Most likely what is wrong with them is not fixable, so the only thing you can do is help them with staying safe and fed. You are going to have to have help, though. You are too young to be donating your life. These are critical years for you. You need to be going to college, starting your career, choosing a spouse, etc. These are years you cannot donate to caregiving without having a huge effect on your own life.

So... live your life with yourself as the priority and help your grandparents as much as you can. They will need to bring in help, but if you are doing everything, they won't need to. I would say to decide what you can do to help them, then help them line up help to do the other things that are needed.
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It sounds as though both of your grandparents are no longer mentally competent, either due to dementia, mental illness or both. It also sounds as though their doctors are substantially clueless.

I think that you are going to need to make a plan to get out of being trapped in this caregiving role, which is beyond any human being ' s capacity. You need a real social worker to help out here. I would start by calling your local area agency on aging and seeing where they point you. You tell them that you are caring for two vulnerable, ill, elderly adults and that you can't carry this burden any longer. Start there, and let us know tomorrow if you got any help from them. And remember, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
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Iano bless your heart for trying - many in your position would not. That they raised you is commendable but please don't see it as your duty to care back - you are very very young to take on such an arduous task and with no support (shame on them) you cannot and should not attempt it alone - you will burn out long before they do sweetheart.

I think there may be some mental health issues and an assessment would be a first step towards understanding the heap of poo you have found yourself in. Once you know the size of the beast you will be better placed to help them and it my be that the courts can relieve you of the pressure and address the individual issues. Grandad can go into care for sure but it would be better if they both did but would that leave you homeless? My concern is for you honey. You need to gain professional help they are trained to handle 'ornery folks and they will get in to see them so don't worry on that score.

You need to stop thinking so much about them and think more about your needs - because that is going to be the lasting legacy and you have to be ok with everything that happens.

Please don't put blinkers on and think I can do this - it really is too much for you xxx
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When I cared for my dad in my home and he'd get stubborn about seeing a Dr. I'd use what I called the "help me help you" approach. I'd give him every chance to agree to do whatever it was I wanted him to do and if he'd continue to dig in his heels and refuse I'd tell him that he would be helping me out very much if he would do whatever it was I was wanting him to do. I'd remind him that I was there to help him and that he was going to have to help me if I were to help him. I would acknowledge that he didn't want to see his Dr. but as the person who was there to help him, it would help me tremendously if he'd agree to go.

Remind your grandparents that you are there to help them but you can't if they won't let you and if they won't let you why are you there to begin with?
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I can't even begin to explain how thankful and grateful I am to each and every one of you for taking the time to give me advice. All of this advice has been extremely helpful. Right now, I am waiting for Health and Human Services to call me back to let me know what service we can be eligible for. I'll definitely ask them if they can do an at-home evaluation. I am also trying to get them a new doctor, specifically a geriatrician. Thanks again to everyone!
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Imno, make sure you EMPHASIZE to them that you are not able to provide the care. Give them a date that you will leave and do it. If they need to go to the hospital for any reason, tell them you will not take them home as you are not going to be able to do this any longer. They will assist in finding a place for them to go.
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It is not only unfair but IMPOSSIBLE for you to care for two seniors in decline. Whoever is encouraging you to sacrifice what may well be the next ten years of your life doesn't have your best interests at heart...nor the best interests of your grandparents. More likely they are trying to preserve your grandparents' assets for their inheritance.

Get the number of your gvmt senior services office, call them and ask for an evaluation of your grandparents to see what services they may be eligible for. Tell them you are overwhelmed and want to extricate yourself from this impossible situation if they will not accept outside help.

Do it tomorrow.
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lmno123, time to give notice to the other family members that you can no longer be a full-time caregiver for TWO elders who BOTH need 24 hour care. I know it won't be easy to do, but for your own physical and mental well-being, you have to do that.

Please note that 40% [up from the 30%] of caregivers die while caring for their love ones. Those are not good odds. My gosh, you are only 23, you have your whole life in front of you, it wouldn't be fair if it was cut short.

Curious how you were appointed to be your grandparents caregiver, and not anyone else in the family? Was it because you lived the closest?
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MaggieMarshall is right. You need to extricate yourself from this.
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Babalou is right. Call for help. Area Agency on Aging is a good starting point. Their refusal to let someone in to evaluate is a big problem, especially in combination with not being able to get out for an appointment, plus their use of a non-geriatric type of physician who is working alone and not getting the big picutre as a comprehensive geriatric evaluation might. Maybe you can convince grandpa that grandma needs the evaluation for her anxiety and since he calls the shots you know he wants her to have it done, and he can insist - you said he wants to go to a facility himself though? Maybe the finances would allow for that to happen, often the assisted living facilities have special rates for couples too, and maybe he would talk to someone about it? If the finances don't allow, there are needs to see about Medicaid in their future for skilled nursing care. Medicare, which they probably have, does not cover much at all. Another option you have is to locate facilities near you either by just looking around or going online and getting someone from a facility or even an "Assisted Living Locator" service to advise. The system is complicated and varies state to state to some degree. Hardly any of us knew much about it when we first had to get into it. And it is emotionally extremely hard to see this happening and understand what is happening to the people who raised you to top that off.

If they succeed in refusing all help but yours, or even visiting a geriatrician instead of the current physician who has his or her head in the sand, you are stuck waiting for something bad to happen that forces one or both them to go to an ER and/or get Adult Protective Services involved. We have heard of cases on here where the caregiver is holding things together well enough that there is no imminent danger and APS does not feel they can do anything.
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