Am I doing the right thing?

Linda, rethink your description of the decision. You aren't doing something 'against her will' -- you are doing what is best for her. Few of our folks 'want' to go to a facility. And clearly, someone with dementia will never see the need for it, in her mind, everything is working great. Now, think about your phrases for tomorrow. You WILL not say, hey Mom, I'm putting you in assisted living. You are going to say, hey Mom, the doctor wants you to gain a little weight and have the nurses help you for a time. I'll be visitng often and we are going to get you feeling better. I've brought some of your special items for your room so you can seeall your favorite things. Don't they look nice. And, guess what, they have things going on all the time to help everyone pass the time while they improve! Making the decision on your own or with sibs doesn't make it any easier. BUT with the AL taking the routine tasks, you can be the hero with fun things to do. Be strong and let us know how it goes.

Yes I have POA which clearly states I have all the powers of a legal guardian. I hate doing this against her will but I need to keep her safe.

(((((Linda)))))) I have had some of the same feelings though different circumstances as you. Sometimes it appears to come down to a parent's safety vs what you and they think they want. Safety has to come first. There is no contest about that. You are doing the right thing for your mum, and I expect that she will do better there than at home and grow to like it. Be sure to let us know how it turns out,

Linda, she will tell you she is lonely and bored and cry to come home. You call the staff and see how she is doing. We showed up unannounced at Assisted Living and found mom having fun with other relatives. She immediately tried to look pitiful. Keep that in mind.

not other relatives, I meant having fun with other residents.

My grandmother is 98 and has outlived all her children. I contantly have contact even though I live 5hrs.away. I recently went away for a week on vacation, and to my surprise I came home and my grandmother had taken a fall. When I called hospital, they said, "nothing but a scraped shoulder, she will be released to go home the next day."

After 3 days of trying to reach her, with every excuse as to why they could not connect me, "I find she had been transferred to a skilled nursing for rehab. Confused, I call rehab, again excuses for 2.5 days of why there is no phone in her room. I finally put my foot down and demanded to speak to supervisor, to see why a scraped elbow needed rehab. The supervisor says, it was a assisted living center."

Not sure as to what,when,where or why ...nor does my grandmother still have any idea, as to why she is there, when she was completely fine the week prior.

Now the story unfolds..in a nutshell, when she fell, my sister, brother and great aunt (my grandmas sister) decided it was the perfect time to deem her incapable of caring for herself and transferred her there without her knowledge or consent.

My grandmother has now informed the hospital and myself she wishes to be released to come home with me, or she will go on a hunger strike. Yet everyone is intercepting.

Although she is extremely old sge has no secere ailments or disease. She is quite strong and amazing. Up until last week when she fell, she was completely aware and still walking indepenently everywhere.

Now, they have her on heavy meds and she is very scared and feels graugy, delerious, and confused.

Soo now, the hospital is deaming her incapable of caring for herself, when I believe it is stress,fear, and heavy medication combined with her age that is the problem.

I too now feel the same as her. My heart is broken, I feel helpless. I want fightbto bring her home, but with all facts in place, an I thinking clearly?
Although they went about this inhumainly, is it time for her to be in ALF? What do I do anout her apartment, if no one is legally a guardian? The landlord wants her rent or is keeping all her belongings (all our history).


Any advice, resources,or guidance? I can use all. This is crunch week.

Ooops. My apologies community...and originator of this topic. I am new and made a big mistake it seems on posting my question in a place I should be answering someone elses question. How do I move this to correct place?

I am sooo sorry.

Sometimes little fibs are ok. Perhaps you could say you are going out of town for a few days and need to make certain she is eating and safe while you are gone. A few days can be extended to a couple of more. Then it can become lets try this out for two months, etc. With my MIL we told her we would try it out for a month. Thankfully, we are entering our fifth month and she hasn't asked to go home and hasn't mention "just trying it out" for the past three. This has been a blessing for us, but believe me she may be in a.l., but she is still plenty of work. May things go well for you and your mom. The good thing about being the only one to make decisions is - you always agree with yourself.

Gogetter18 you might get some answers here, but you definitely deserve your own thread. Copy all your text and just paste it into a new question.

gogetter - to post a new question go to the blue banner at the top of the page and click in CAREGIVER FORUM and a menu will drop down. Then click in Ask a Question and you can type or paste your question there.