My wife of 45 years was diagnosed with early onset-Dementia five years ago. As the disease has progressed it initially and continues to affect her ability to find her words and speak to let her wishes known.
As her primary care giver I can usually interpret what she is saying and get to what she mean, but it is getting increasingly difficult. She is getting constant Speech Therapy but the success is minimal.
How do I keep her from giving up considering her diagnosis? I fear that at time she is giving up and may at time just not try to talk...
Concerned Husband
Her body, her brain is losing the ability to allow her to speak.
She can possibly communicate in other ways.
Can she still write?
If so a white board works great.
A pad of paper and a pen also an option.
Can she point"
A chart with pictures of items that she may want.
She can point to a cup of coffee, a bowl of cereal, a blanket.
YOU will have to keep conversations short, to the point and very basic.
Do not give her a lot of options.
Do you want a sandwich for lunch or soup? Do you want eggs or cereal for breakfast.
Do you want the red pants or the Black ones?
Pretty soon these are questions she will not be able to answer either.
My Husband was non verbal for about the last 7 years of his life. Maybe a word here or there but nothing meaningful. you learn to communicate the best you can
Leave your wife alone. She's not giving up but doing the best she can with the severe limitations she's been burdened with. Tell her she's fine as she is. When my mother would get frustrated with herself over what she couldn't do, I'd remind her of what she COULD do and how she was doing the best she was able, as we ALL are. Don't make your wife think you expect more from her than she's capable of giving, or she'll also become very depressed in addition to the rest of her issues.
She'll figure out a way to make herself understood, or you'll have to try your best to figure out what she needs. Dementia is a very difficult disease for all concerned, and that includes you. Try to get respite time for yourself......Medicare does pay for 2 weeks. Look into it. I'm so sorry you're dealing with such a tough situation. My heart goes out to both of you. You're a good husband to be caring for your wife all these years. God bless you.
Example: Dave, with hand movements he can't control, makes chopping gestures on the table. This sort of became his I.D. The chopping can be noisy. One day when Dave wasn't at the table, my husband made those same gestures, which are not native to him, noisily chopping the table like Dave does. DH looked at the empty space at the table and pointed at it, and then looked at the closed door of Dave's room. We understood that he was noting Dave's absence and were able to reassure him that Dave would be coming out of his room soon. This has happened almost the same way multiple times. I have other examples, too.
I rather doubt that this will work with your wife because the signs that my DH and his friends use are initiated by them. They (and perhaps your wife) are beyond retaining instruction about anything. I believe they have to feel an urge to communicate and that they must feel that the need is strong. They must be able to connect the dots between their urge to communicate and finding the right way to do it.
But you could try it with your wife. Keep it simple and let us know if you have any success.
And as you know your wife will only continue to get worse and not better in her dementia, so perhaps it best that you just let her be and figure out best you can a new way to communicate.
My late husband after having a massive stroke at the age of 48 lost his ability to speak any words and had to have speech therapy for quite a while. While he did regain a few words and short sentences, his speech never returned like it was before his stroke and we just had to make the best of it.
I got to be quite a good mind reader over time and we got by best we could.
In his later years and after his vascular dementia diagnosis his speech got even worse, and again, I had to be the mind reader best I could. Did it work every time? That would be a big no, but we tried to make the best of it.
There are just some things that are out of our control, and this I believe is one of those things.
Your wife now deserves to just to be able to enjoy whatever life she may have left without undue pressure put on her to be able to speak. Her brain is now permanently broken and things will only get worse, so perhaps it best to give things a rest and let her be.
Those are just my thoughts from someone who has been there done that.
My cousin, at 71 and 5 years into her ALZ diagnosis, just lays in bed with her eyes closed all the time, but is aware of others around her and sometimes will respond to them.
Bless you for all the effort you are putting in on your wife's behalf. May you receive peace in your heart.
Depression goes hand and hand with Dementia. Maybe her doctor can prescribe something?