I'm having a terrible battle with cargiver burnout this past week and am extremely depressed. Is there a chat room or anything?

Juju, make it a goal to attend the religious services. Once people get used to you and mom, and get to know you, they will most likely offer to help. Very important to balance this offer of help with sincere appreciation. It will help them to continue to help when appreciation is shown and not taken for granted (thinking of my point of view...) If people don't approach you, then you can approach them and make small talks. Don't push for an immediate relationship. Get a feel of the whole "congregation". This way, they all get to know you and vice versa. That would be the first step of becoming part of the "community." Soon, they will invite you to whatever festivals/celebrations and you will be able to go and get to know them better in a more relaxed setting. Relationships takes time and efforts. Don't rush or push it, because they may shy away from it. Just Go With The Flow.

By the way, I have found that people of my age does not necessarily make me comfortable being around them. Whereas the older people, I feel much more comfortable with. And the younger ones, I stress over and try not to be a "parent" to them. That's why I said to just make nice to all of them. In time, you will know whom you would like to spend more time with. Go with the flow! Take care.

Oh hard hard it is for us introverts to reach out to people. I am and have always been a introvert, like you I take my responsibilities very seriously and find it difficult to form close bonds. I do not have a lot of close friends and to be honest I never will. I live in Florida and cannot go to any of the theme parks in the summer because they are just too full of people. Church is an excellent place to start if you are comfortable going there, but you need to set little goals each time you go to help you. The first goal is to say hello to five stranger when you go, you do not have make small talk just make sure you smile and hello to five people next week. Each week add to that goal, say hi to 5 new people this week and go up to the preacher and tell him you enjoyed his sermon before you leave. Eventually you goal will be to have a conversation with someone you really do not know and find out there name and something about them. Keep building until you are volunteering for events when you can. It is how you become a part of the church, when this happens you will not have to ask for help, people will be there to volunteer to help you. It will take some time but you will come to find that you have an entire church full of family.

KatZen, I'm an introvert too. I forgot about your small steps. I used to do that too! When I first started going to a new church, I would sit there, same place every Sunday. I felt soooo uncomfortable coming early because I sat there and sometimes, people did not come to me. They were all busy greeting and talking to their fellow members. The same afterwards. I felt soooo uncomfortable (still do, actually). I did give small quick smiles to everyone who looked at me, at the same time, i would quickly look down and quickly walk away to my safe zone - my seat. And just recently, I went to a Catholic church for my mom's mass for several nights. I just enjoyed the sermon. When I approached the priest and told him that as a non-Catholic, I enjoyed his sermon. He was taken aback and my impression was that not much people told him this. I've been told by family members, that after that, he would include in his sermon about non-Catholics, etc... I felt good that I helped give something positive to someone's day. And they will remember you for that.

And I will admit, I am Terrible when it comes to prolong talks with non family members. I can now handle small talks, then when I run out of things to say ...and it's that Dreaded Uncomfortable Silence - I flee and go to the next person. By the 2nd person of making small talk, I am literally exhausted physically and mentally. I did my quota for the day on going outside the box of my comfort zone.

Yes, just take baby steps.

jujubean, you are not alone in your boat. I came here from Texas 3.5 years ago. My marriage had broken up. I have no kids. I was coming to Alabama to take care of my parents. They were hoarded, so I had to leave everything I owned. So I arrived with my business stuff, some clothes, and two rabbits. I went from being middle class to living in two awful rooms in a dirty house. The worse thing for me is my parents live in a neighborhood full of 20-something year olds with new babies. I'm 61. We talk friendly, but have nothing to base friendship on. I'm older than most of their parents.

I take my mother to church on Sundays. It is a huge church and more like a business than a church. The people are nice, but there are so many people that no one person is very important to anyone. Small churches are so much better.

I meet people easily, but have a hard time getting close to anyone.I'm very shy, really.I go to the senior center for companionship. Everyone there is much older than I am, but I feel more at home than I do with the young people in the neighborhood.

One thing I am finding is a way to make a bridge to people is mention I am a caregiver to my mother. You would be surprised at how many people are caregivers. You can pick us out of a lineup at the grocery store by the food we are buying and little things in the conversation to cashiers. I love it when I say, "You must be a caregiver," and they say yes. It starts a whole conversation. I have the card of one lady I met and really should call her. She was cool.

One psychological problem I'm having is I am trying not to spend my retirement savings, so my clothes are not so nice anymore. It makes me feel bad that my shoes and handbags are worn and my clothes are getting faded. I know I should get over it, but I just feel inferior when I don't look so good. And old, too. The world is so image conscious. Probably most people don't even notice.

But anyway, juju, you are not alone in feeling alone.

wow JessieBelle That also is something that affects me too,i hadn't really realized.... i don't spend money on the grooming n clothing i used to when working...and the only thing for fun is something good to eat so I have outgrown most of my old shabby clothes finally this year its my old stretch leggings ,sweats, and big t's. I don't go get my hair cut or colored like i used to n the makeup n Pedi's etc I don't spend on that I agree that does make us feel inferior....I feel old heavy i limp n hurt often cuz health issues i'm sure i am not the pretty happy face I was 10 ys ago. Thanks for sharing!
and everyone thanks for the words on church! I will keep going/looking for one where we feel comfy!!! last sunday was ok but i prefer smaller i have one picked to try this week it is smaller and Baptist hoping we may like that too, last week was ok but a little bigger than i would like (i think). I found several other choices to try too till we find one for us to stick with.

Thanks everyone!!!

Well thanks everyone for all your support...I have pulled myself outta this rut for now. Feeling relief and empowerment as I begin to give despair the beatdown! babysteps! not gonna be overnite but the relief is evident in so many ways....My mom feels it even...she doesn't speak much and usually same few sentences....she came out of the blue with "that is the prettiest smile ive ever seen" yesterday..made me cry, sign we gonna be ok!!! and she is still there as a human...she sensed my mood improving.... which led me to have a fabulous day today solely because I smiled a many times genuinely....I didn t have to fake it for the first time in a long time...that what she saw yesterday and I felt today RELIEF!!! Im fried tho and need to just process all this wonderful info for a few days here!!!! Hope you all are coping well in your "house". THank you so much for all the support and love shown!
Have a wonderful day!
Love Juju!

I like hanging on the edge of the big group - only because I don't have to talk but I can listen to everyone's stories. I just love to hear people talk. Sis says that we're nosy and like to share what we find. That's a good advice, though. By the way, Care1975, your flower is very pretty.

I did something for myself this week. I was out buying a suit to give my mother for Mother's day. I found something really nice. Then the little child in me started pouting that I bought something for her, while I was going around in tattered rags. So I found a cute Calvin Klein dress on sale. Perfect fit. But it had to have a white jacket to look just right. So that came home with me, too, along with a blouse that called out to me when I went by it. My shoes and handbags are still ragged, but I'll have on my pretty CK clothes tomorrow.

Now I hope that my sales are good this month. Maybe I'll even buy a new pair of shoes. :) I like that idea much. Caregiving can be so sad without us having to look it.

Good for you JesseBelle....I think I mite have to do the same...go shopping and find some shorts....went thru the closet this morn for church and saw have plenty of blouses but no bottoms but leggings or ttttiiiitttteee uncomfy jeans, I get soo hot I cant stand wearing leggings in the heat even if they thin! hope I can find something looks OK on my 2sizes bigger butt!!!!

Ya thanks ladies. I think I am not that shy...I do tend to have lot of aquaintances just as someone sed, don't seem to be able to forge a bond or deep friendship... and I do very easlily run out of small talk when my world is comsumed with unpleasant tasks daily etc....I just completely draw a blank..it is funny almost...I scatter in my mind "find a subject other than bm's quick before you lose them" I have to laff....maybe when the stress wears off a little more I wont look and feel so flat tooo....that mite help! I mention this cuz I think lot has to do with first impressions, sometimes anyway. Church has been a good experience we have tried 2 weeks in a row too! I am taking off tomoro tho for several days to see my beloved friend 2 hrs away.I miss her so, we planned this while ago as for her return from a month in France, to see her parents/family...The timing couldn't be more perfect except for I was so down last week I felt I would not be able to get us there, im stressing now but a good stress just lots to get done so we can go!! CUZ.....We ARE packing up the crew and getting a change of scenery!!!