Does the anger against siblings who won't help ever subside?

I lowered the expectations I had of my siblings and tried to think of them as just people I know. It still hurt, but it seemed to help me be less angry. They have no idea what you have to do and the feelings you have to deal with and they probably never will unless they are the ones doing the care. They refuse to do it and blame you for being difficult, which is not fair.
Both of my parents have passed now, and I feel proud of what I did to help them. I still treat my siblings like people I know and don't expect things to be as they were, some of them have become friends and some have not, and the anger is pretty much gone. They just can't understand since they haven't been in my shoes. They just thought I was playing the vicitm...etc...
This forum has gave me the support I wish I had from my family, the people here understand the emotional toll caregiving takes on us. It will gave me the strength to deal with my siblings choices.

Yes it can when I am thinking right.I have so much to do that Ican choose not to feed my negative emotions.Why should I waste time and energy thinking about them?they are obviously not thinking about me or our Father!!.I have found it helps greatly to lower or eliminate my expectations of what they should or shouldnt do.But it still hurts.However I am afirm beleiver in "what comes around goes around" or "As you sow shall you reap" so why do I need to waste any time thinking about them all they really do is make caregiving harder anyways.

Happiness, you are fighting a losing battle when you force your brother to choose between you and the woman he's sleeping with. I'm afraid she's going to win every time, so you need to stop pitting yourself and the girlfriend against each other. Instead, ask your brother if he'd like to change the 'deal' you two had once decided upon. Tell him your circumstances haven't changed like his has, and you don't know exactly how to proceed from here because you still NEED his help. I'm not saying that you're not right, but getting in his face and forcing a confrontation is only going to put him on the defense, and you're going to lose. And as for the money the girlfriend owes your dad, let that go. You're never going to see it again, it's a lost cause to be honest. But the most important thing is, don't cause your brother to chose between a needy, whiny, demanding sister and the woman he goes to bed with every night. You can still make this work if you swallow your pride a little and redefine the terms you and your brother had to begin with. Good luck.

I have a sister that helps as much as possible---she lives 2 hours away. I have a brother who also lives about 2 hours away and he absolutely does not lift a finger to help me with my mother. He is retired and could be a help by simply coming to visit her regularly. He doesn't do anything to help. He will never do anything to help, and he is not concerned about my sister or me. I stayed angry about this for a long time until I finally figuredd out that it is simply a waste of energy to be angry with siblings that don't help. Chances are that family members never change. Those that help will always do their best to ease your burden. Those who don't help usually never change. Its a sad reality, but I would say just do the best you can... you won't be sorry you did.

Your brother is selfish. He will reap what he has sown.

In my case my sisters were not honest when it came to money and physical items that my parents owned. So I feel my sisters will need to work of the freeloading. When I asked simple questions I was met with resistance. I understand that all situations are different. But this is like any once loving relationship. There are always two sides to a story. If my sisters call I will be nice. But I will not apologize for there actions...

I believe that you are burnt out and need time for yourself. When your brother comes to visit your father maybe you can take a drive or even go out to a coffee shop. You need some "Me Time." It will allow you to relax and get energized. Nancy is right, things that is not in your control, let it go. My siblings are not helping me, for a while I got angry, but I realized it was not helping me and I cannot change them. I blessed them, and reconnected with myself. I decided I wanted to be happy while taking care of my mother. Every moment being with her is a blessing. Take one day at a time. Each day find one thing that is positive in your life. or grateful for. Do something that you enjoy, painting, drawing .... it allows you to reconnect with who you are while taking care of your father, and you will gain inner peace. Best wishes

I am also the "primary caregiver" of my mother, with no help from my sister or brother. It SUCKS. My mother lives in our home, and my (adult) children help me when they can, but they have their own lives and I can't expect them to drop everything and come running when it should be my siblings to do so. My brother lives 2 states away, my sister 2 hours. Neither one of them call very often, neither one of them ask if I need anything, if we need money for anything, etc. - hell, they don't even CALL our mother if they don't have to. It's ridiculous. I had a social worker tell me that she would be happy to make a phone call & lay everything on the line for them...basically wake up and spend time with your mother, either in person or on the phone, before it's too late. Did that help? Nope. They'll call ME and ask ME how Mom's doing...are you freaking kidding me????? One of these days they'll realize what I've been saying all along..until then, I'm not going to allow it to eat me up alive - it's just not worth it.

Care1975 I will follow you're lead and will treat my siblings as people I know not relatives...

Wow...I could go ON and on about this topic. For me....I HAD to let that anger go after 6 years of caring for mom with NO help. I finally stopped calling them when mom had to go to the hospital..stroke, etc. When I DID call them...they never came to visit her in the hospital ANYWAY. I stopped ALL contact with sister (if that's what you could call her). She's been a bully to me since childhood and is one year older. Now, she is 56 and an even BIGGER bully than she was during childhood. I do NOT need another bully in my life..she is self-centered and cares only for herself...NOBODY else. She's also an alcholic..a working one. I always said, "What comes around, goes around..Karma" She came down with breast cancer a few years ago. I had already cut her out of my life for all of the bullying and hatefullness. When I had to move mom BACK in with me (she's lived me many times over the last 6 years), God kept telling me to "call sister" and let her know that mom is now on hospice and living with me again". I fought that. But finally gave in and called sister. Oh yes...she was SO glad that I had called after two years of having nothing to do with her...she said she would come right over and see mom...whom she had NOT SEEN in 3-4 years and lives only 10 min from her. Sister got here and said ONE word to mom..."Hi". Then, started telling ME all about the day she found out she had cancer and all the chemo, radiation, losing hair, blah , blah blah. I couldn't have cared LESS. She's STILL self-centered and a bully...the cancer didn't even change her evil heart. She has NEVER helped me with mom...NEVER..NOT ONCE and I did ask...knowing what the answer would be. She never has forgiven mom for being so abusive to her and I as kids. I DID. She just has "better" things to do when she is not working ...like DRINKING herself into oblivion. It's HER loss and brother's loss. Yes..the anger is still there and will always be there ..even when mom passes, I will have nothing to do with her. Very little to do with brother. And, what is sad is that I have helped BOTH of them throughout their lives....giving them a place to stay with me when they needed it, paying ALL bills, charging them NOTHING...giving them a CAR to drive when they had none. BAck then I was making good money working. I am a GIVER..not a taker. They are TAKERS. This will always be the FACT. Without bully sister in my life, I am SO MUCH happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kind of miss hanging around with little brother as we were always close as children even though he was mom's favorite child and never got abused like sister and I did. Life goes on. We do the best we can each day to stay AWAY from negative people..don't let them steal YOUR power and happiness. God sees all, knows all and JUDGES all. In the end...it is they who will NOT have an answer for God. I sleep VERy well at night. :)