How do you care for your Dad who is incontinent?

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My advice is to let him know if he does not take care of it himself then he will end up getting sick or put in a nursing home for a while. Good luck! Hope this helps
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Oh, my, that has to be a real problem.. My hubby of 70 years is incontinent at night. He is in the nearly final stages of vascular dementia and is on Home hospice as of this week.

I am so grateful that he can still tell me during the day when he has to 'go'. I really fear the day when he experiences diarrhea - a former problem on certain meds. Thankfully, he does not resist my help - easier for a wife than a daughter or stranger, I'm sure.



Last night I had to change him twice after he asked for the bottle - he cannot walk, oops too late. It is almost impossible to not soil the bed each time. The Depends are not too dependable for me.

Good Luck, DebraLeigh, we all need a good dose of that. 'Wish it came in a bottle at the drug store.
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I am going through this right now with my dad. I make him wear them all the time the problem i have is getting him to shower and change his pants that are dirty. I understand why he does this his brain has shrunk way to much and the doctors tell me that is not good. Now he has to use a walker all the time and he complains about it but i make him use it due to him having to many falls in the home. He doesn't like wearing the diapers but he goes to the bathroom in his pants and doesn't even know it. I feel so bad for him but there is nothing i can do about it he has to hear the truth and he doesn't fight me now about wearing them.

Mary
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Nursing homes deal with it by being matter-of-fact and just doing it. (Whatever "it" is.)

I'm assuming dad lives with you. Have you tried getting him to the bathroom every couple of hours? Again, be direct: "Dad, how about going to the bathroom so you don't have an accident? Let's see if we can't make sure you don't get any skin ulcers from wet briefs. Urine is caustic. If your briefs are wet, be sure to change them. A skin ulcer is a terrible thing."

Have a supply of Depends sitting in the bathroom and, when he goes in there, remind him to change if he's wet. Before he goes to bed at night, remind him to change. Check the supply to see that he has. If he hasn't, ask him to please change so he goes into the night with dry briefs.

Once he has skin breakdown from constant urine exposure, you and he will realize that, as uncomfortable as the subject may be for both of you, it's NOTHING compared with taking care of an open skin ulcer that takes weeks to heal.

You put on your big girl panties. Have dad put on dry briefs. ;)
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It's painful to accept. So sorry you and your dad are going through this. Went through it with my dad. There's no good answer except to get help from a caregiver. Even once my dad was in assisted living, there were still issues. It's really hard for them as the know it's happening but can't do anything to stop it.
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debraLeigh this is a problem many of us have to face on a personal or caregiving basis or dare I say both at the same time.
Fisrt thing to do is determine if there is a physical cause for the problem and if so are there treatments, medications or dietry adjustments available. Many food allergies will cause bowel incontinence and a blood test and/or skin testing can rule these out. lactose intolerence can be a leading cause of fecal incontinence so you can eperiement at home by limiting or eliminating dairy products and if this solves the problem gradually reintroduce them one at a time and see what happens. There are OTC and prescription meds also available. Caution with these as they can cause drowsiness if your elder still drives.
From a practical point it may be essential that a family member helps dad with the toileting. if there is a male in the house who is prepared to do this it may be helful in the begining for him to do it and let dad gst used to the iea of help and when he is comfortable a female can take over.
The addition of a bidet to the bathroom would also make the task easier. Either a free standing one which I prefer or one of the ones that attach to the toilet itself. Whatever you do along these lines make sure to install a hot water line. If he freezes his "You know whats" ever time he uses it he will refuse and so would I.
you don't give any details about any medical problems or his living arrangements but it does sound as though he is still fairly independent as he can still take a bath by himself
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I feel your pain. My father is occasionally incontinent. I've seen him wet himself just sitting in his chair. He deals with it by pretending it isn't happening. Once in the ER he wet himself while being treated for a broken shoulder. He also has diarrhea sometimes. I once picked him up and he had actual poop on the outside of his pants (he had changed himself, but in the mess it still got on the clean pants).

I enforce a rule that he cannot get in my car unless he is clean. At the ER that day I asked them for scrub pants. I bought him the Depends and left them in his bathroom, I never said a word. He did get a script for over active bladder which has helped. If we are out somewhere I ask him often if he needs to stop. I try to make a joke of it like asking my kids if they need to go. It's very awkward but I decided to be straight forward about it.
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Sometimes these topics are difficult to discuss with our parents, but pray about it & ask The Lord to make your dad's heart open to this. Sometimes they know what's going on but don't know how to handle it themselves. Does he wear pull up diapers? Either kind (pull up or tape on sides) would be a plus. We use wipes to ensure cleanliness after toileting (after toilet paper etc). I helped my dad for several years after his incontinence, then we searched for & found a home health aide. The aide would come & bathe/clean him & do other things to assist him. You can assign bathing/assistance responsibilities to the aide. Consider this for him & this way, you can have help.
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My Dad always has explosive bowel movements that are a mess to clean up. For now he can still use a toilet, but my nightmare would be if he has to use diapers. How does one mentally deal with this or prepare themselves to deal with this? He had loose stools once already and I was changing him every 5 to ten minutes and he had about 5 bouts in a row.
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try to accept the mind is damaged. Forget about rational responses. we can run ourselves ragged trying to rationalize the irrational behaviors

He needs a full time heath aide caregiver
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