Mom died in April after three weeks in the hospital and one week in hospice. My last vision before I go to sleep is her dead face. I sleep about four hours and wake up again with this picture in my head. I work full-time but it has been hard with so little sleep. The hospice offered counseling but I just can't go back there where she died. Can someone tell me how to cope?
Besides talking to a social worker, there are fantastic Grieving Support Groups that are FREE in the city you reside in. I joined one, its biblical based and it's very soothing and I'm sure it will get better as I continue to attend weekly gatherings. Everyone in the Grieving Support Group has something in common with you ( They have lost their mom and/or dad-just like you have). What more can you ask for. These are the people you can lash out to, cry, talk about your mom or dad to because they are going through the same thing you are going through. They understand because there are grieving too. It doesn't matter how long you've been going to these groups, just get up and take yourself to one of these support group gatherings. If it takes place at a church, you don;t have to belong to that church to attend the support group. It's all about grieving......In between the support group meeting, you can continue to talk to social workers, try going for long walks, try some water exercises, water aerobics, water zumba (this helps keep the body and blood flowing and eases your mind a bit). Look into it. It's grieving for anyone who has lost a loved one. *The groups are divided into smaller groups like loss of mom/dad or siblings are in one group, loss of a spouse are in another group, loss of children go into another group.*
2) A picture of friends, family in your room, the last thing you see before bed.
3) If you see the hard part, say a quick goodbye, and change your thoughts.
Finally, think only on these things-Phillipians 4:8
Give yourself time.
I have a 1 year old daughter and soon will be getting back to my FT work. I know what I'm doing is wrong and feeble, but I find my comfort in this. Can anyone pour in some more ideas to help me out?
When that picture of her in death comes to you, consciously switch to a picture of her in the fullness of her life when she was happy. I'd find some favorite pictures of her and put those in your bedroom, so you can focus on them before you go to bed. Maybe have a "conversation" with your mom about your love for her and the life she lived and your happiness that she's at peace now. See how that refocusing on her life and not her death might work for you.
anyway some older women there said if you touch the body you wont have nightmares we all kissed him and to this day (dad died 8mths ago) none of us have dreamt of him??????? i dont know but its strange maybe there is something in it?
I felt my dad around me a few days later and signs like bday cards turning up out of nowhere spooky things so i am convinced he is around me always i just feel it and its a comfort!
thinking positive things before you go to bed is a good idea if i watch a crime movie i will watch a comedy straight after to get the crime out of my head it works for me!
Excercise is good too reading a good book? So sorry for you i know alot of people get this after a death i guess i was lucky!
Hugs its not easy!
To give you history on me (and I'm sure people on here are tired of reading it) but my Dad passed in March & then I lost my Mom in July. The reason I tell you this is because I have been dealing with a lot of feelings, emotions, interruption of sleep......you name it.
Last week one of my hospice friends gave me a booklet written by a RN hospice nurse named Barbara Karnes. The booklet is called My Friend, I care The Grief Experience.
This booklet has helped me so much. I was getting ready to go to counseling myself because I felt like something was wrong with me....but we are being normal Katiekat. We are still grieving. That doesn't always go away in a day or two...or even longer. We all react to grief in different ways. I close my eyes and see my Mom's face when she died & I want to scream.....but at the funeral home, I saw her look so peaceful and she even had a smile.
Please reach out to your hospice people, to your doctor, to your minister or even a best friend......someone to listen to you. I hurt for you.....Life is so hard at times. Everyone says it gets better...I hope so & I will be thinking of you!
One of my friends suggested that the "visions" are their way of telling me they're no longer in pain, and are reaching out to tell me to move on.
I always thought that was a nice way to view these instances.
Perhaps you can have some herbal tea or do something relaxing before you go to bed. Listen to music, think of the good times you had with your mother, the love you shared, and don't regret any decisions you made. You helped her during her time of need and helped ease her transition, and that's what you can remember.
I don't know all the details but it sounds as if there was a fairly intense situation given the short duration in hospice. Recognize that your presence likely helped her come to terms with her death, that you gave her the best care you could, and helped her at the time she needed you the most.