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I am undergoing a severe bout of depression right now. Although my mother is alive, I miss her. She has fairly severe dementia and can't visit in the traditional sense. Sometimes, she's not sure who I am. Most visits now start immediately with her whining (I'm sorry but there's no other word for it) that we're going to leave, even if we've only been there for five minutes. She keeps this up, no matter what else is going on, like taking her around the facility to visit and get out of her room or eating a meal with her or bringing snacks like hot chocolate and donuts. Nothing makes her happy. Nothing. No matter what we do, she is anxious because we're eventually (in a couple of hours) going to leave and she doesn't like to be alone, ever. I know when I visit her, I'm going to leave feeling depressed and crazy. It takes me at least three days to recover. I can't just brush it off, or let it roll off my back--it affects me. She has forgotten we were there by the time we're in the parking lot.
So here's my dilemma--do I visit and fight my way back up from the pit, which is getting harder and harder, or do I not go? She is anxious the whole time we're there but forgets--I am anxious and disturbed to say the least, for days after. I know she's my mother and I owe her a lot--but I can't deny that these visits are slowly killing me. How do I make this right in my head?

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Hope this helps. Both my mother and father have been in a nursing home now for 3 years. Mum has Alzheimer’s and Dad has vascular dementia. I was visiting them every other day trying to be the dutiful daughter and getting extremely stressed out. I was in a perpetual state of stress in between visits as I hadn’t enough time to recover. I was becoming very ill trying to comfort them.
Eventually my Doctor recommended that I visit only once or twice a week. They have no concept of time and so he tried to get me to see that by doing this and only staying for an hour maximum, it helped me to cope better. I had the entire week to get involved in other things such as hobbies and give attention to the rest of my family and this really helped me to de - stress. I also took up yoga and that helped immensely too.
Your mum won’t know the difference between long or short visits or if it is once a week or more frequently. Good luck.
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What is it about aging that brings back sad and bad memories? Every time I visit Mom most of her conversation is revisiting old hurts and slights, mainly from my dad's family. My aunt came to visit and instead of enjoying the fact of the visit she kept telling me about things that happened between them 60 years ago!

It's hard to carry on a conversation with her because no matter what topic I choose she can find a negative side to it. Nice weather? It’s going to rain tomorrow. Niece called? She never comes to visit. I bring a treat? Shes's gaining weight.

sigh.
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My hubby is going through this with his own mother. She is miserable and makes everyone around her miserable too.

He will not visit her for months, then the guilt hits, or he is called into service...and he inevitably stays too long and she begins the 'pity party' and by the time he comes home, he is depressed and unhappy for days.

I'm no longer allowed to be 'in her sight' so I cannot accompany DH to these dramas and be the 'excuse' as to why he needs to leave after an hour---he goes and stays sometimes 3-4 hours. The talk may start out OK, just general stuff and he fixes what needs fixing, then she starts to slide into her pitiful voice and "my life has been the worst ever" routine that just makes him crazy.

I've tried encouraging him to keep his visits short-less than an hour, keep the conversation upbeat and moving along, but he just gets to her home and falls into the role of being the bratty little boy she still treats him like. At age 68, that's hard to take!! It will take him a week to 'get over' one of his visits with her. But guilt, pure guilt keeps him going back.

What I do with MY mom is visit her for as short a period of time as I can and make it quick and have a 'reason' for going to see her and leave before she starts talking about her friends who are all dying. It's a trigger to MY depression to see her be this way, but she is the same as she was 60 years ago, so she's not changing. I had to.

And the knowledge that your mom doesn't even remember your visit by the time you've gotten to the parking lot---well, that should be something you can hold to. You're doing a good thing and whether she remembers it or not is not important. But don't let her sadness eat YOU up.

I wish I could help my DH, but since I am one of her huge 'triggers' into manic behavior, I stay away. That has brought me so much peace. It's sad for her--she has no one but her daughter and her grands in her life and she can now barely stand to have the grands around.

Getting old ain't for sissies, for sure.
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Prayers and (((Hugs))). As someone on this site told me once...be gentle with yourself. You are a wonderful daughter to your mom. Just want to say this in hopes of making you feel a bit better. My mother lives with me and I'm caretaker pretty much 24/7. I occasionally leave the house but not much. Even sleep in a recliner in same room with my mother. That being said some nights she will become very distressed begging me not to leave or that she doesn't get to see me much. Sometimes I'm so tired and this just makes me feel that much more overwhelmed. Sometimes I can't help but say "Mama ...I hardly ever leave" but she doesn't understand this of course and I've found just a reassuring "I won't" is what she needs. She does have med for anxiety which I give her if she seems overly anxious or upset and this helps. Dementia is such an awful disease. I feel for you and what you are going through. Not for the faint of heart. Take care of you and hang in there.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2020
It’s so hard. It really is. Hugs!
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I k ow what your going through. My visits with my mom are very stressful. She usually starts out angry and will tell me she doesn’t want me there. By the end of the visit she will be sad and wishes she would die. That night i usually have such a stress headache. But I have a great support system at home as I hope you do. And I realize there are some of us that have to care for their parents 24/7 and can’t leave. I can’t make guarantee in the future but right now I will try to deal with it and know her brain is broke and she is getting the best care. Good luck to you.
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This is Cedarlove. Harpcat posed a question--has anything that's been posted here helped? Absolutely, YES. I have truly been helped by every single answer. This is the most wonderful, caring community. I'm sure more than one person has been saved by venting here and then receiving the love of the group. I know it has helped me and given me ideas about how to handle my situation. And just knowing that other people are dealing with the same thing and surviving, helps.
Thank you everyone. It's made a world of difference.
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Llamalover47 Dec 2019
Cedarlove: I am so glad to hear that you've been helped by the many posters on this thread. YOU are loved!💞
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There are so many people on this forum that can relate to your conundrum...and there are some who have not yet reached that state and can only think what they would do in the same circumstance. Boy, do they have a lot to learn yet.
It is important to realise you, they, we, are not alone in this depressive cycle. Having someone to talk to who understands what this dreadful journey is, is important, whether that be face to face, over the telephone, or through forums such as this. Keep contributing, keep asking, keep venting.
As far as your mother is concerned, you will never make her happy or even less anxious. It is the nature of the disease. It will take its own path and its own time no matter what you or anyone else does. I find that infuriating, but it is what it is.
Perhaps I am travelling a little less rocky road because I let go of my real mother well before she went into a memory care unit. Of course I still visit semi-regularly because of travel distance, but my siblings visit frequently. We all get similar treatment to what your mother dishes to you.
I find it possible to continue visiting because I acknowledge there is nothing neither I, nor my siblings, nor anyone else for that matter, can do the improve the situation. Whether you continue to visit is entirely your prerogative, no one else can or should tell you what is best for you. But I do think letting go of the mother who raised you is an essential part of your path forward. Courage and strength to you.
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Greetings CedarLove...
As you now know, there is no simple or easy answer to your dilemma. As with most issues involving a child caring for their elderly parent --even if the care is only part-time, like yours, as your mother is in a home-- the bond between a child and parent usually leaves us with very few choices, and NONE of the choices are good or easy.
You can only hope that you'll be guided by the situation to choose the LEAST difficult option. Since every person battling dementia/Alzheimer's is unique, the least "bad choice" is impossible for someone else to know... I'm afraid to say that you'll probably just have to 'stumble' onto it, based on your own unique circumstances.
Having said that, there ARE some smaller, individual steps that might help to lighten your emotional burden -- at least a bit:
For example, I fear you're being far too hard on yourself; Shakespeare (I believe) said: "You are your own harshest critic"... In your opening lines, you apologized for referring to your mother's communication as "whining"... you do NOT need to apologize for calling it what it is. It's not her fault, of course, but it is still probably a true and accurate description. You're only human, and you are permitted to vent/complain and use descriptions like "whining" ~ especially in this forum, where you are interacting overwhelmingly with others who support and understand you.

You are to be admired for summoning the courage to regularly visit your mom, and to get her out and about, around the facility. HOWEVER, we do all have our human limits. And I hope that if you should eventually decide to END your visits, you will not be burdened by unjustifiable guilt. In fact, you should feel very positive and proud for having endured this emotionally painful routine for as long as you have, to date.

From someone going thru a similar stressful dilemma, you have my best thoughts. J.J
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Cedarlove, you wrote us a week ago and you’ve received lots of helpful advice. Has anything helped? Please get back to the group and let us know. I read your statement over gain and one thing jumped out at me....you said..."I can't just brush it off, or let it roll off my back"...and to that I say yes, you can. You are in control of how you choose to react and the attitude you take. Many of us have learned how to accept that this is how our parent is and we learn to disassociate or move past it so we can survive. So don’t give up and act as though there is nothing you can do. Please let us know what you are going to do about your visits.
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I just want to THANK YOU for posting this, it is relatable in many ways to me. Until I found this site, while looking for others in similar situations, all I could find were articles and advice that enhanced my feelings of inadequacy. Even in your own pain you are helping others simply by stating your truth. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone with these feelings!

In my darkest moments I picked up cardio kickboxing classes and then a ukulele, figuring the kickboxing could channel soooo many feelings and the ukulele could just be...well it's hard to stay serious strumming one of those. No perfect solution and I still struggle but these outlets cover a lot of bases! Most times after I'm done talking to mom I have a mini uke session, then go kick a huge bag the next morning!

Blessings and a virtual hug
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I had five mothers. My own mother lived, and raised me in the presence of, her serious depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia.

To step in as “mother” when she was unable, she had four AMAZING sisters, and one or another of them would step in when my mom was unable.

Now, I am losing my last “mother”, along with the home that was the site of family life for 130 years, and in which many of the 8 brothers and sisters were born. The loss is, in every possible sense, too much to bear.

I have made visiting this last “mom? The best of the worst of my losses. She has NO MEMORY of things that are said to her after only a few moments, but she DOES remember the names and purpose of some places, some events, some friends and family members. Every time I visit, we “live” in those memories while I’m there.

We discuss fashion, food, old local names of places she’d worked, things about the old home (lilacs around the outhouse(!) thingsI’D LOVED as a child, when she was still in her teens......

I always say I leave in tears, whether the visit has been good or bad BUT if I can engage her for even a few moments in something joyful that she can comment on, even if she’s not right on target, then I leave feeling as though I’ve done the right thing.

Most of the time I feel the persistence of longing for who she WAS, but also knowing that will not be happening. So gradually I have been able to replace that lost hope with staying in the moment for myself, but chatting about the past for her benefit. For me, the comfort of giving her something has also been a comfort to me.

I “cue” her if I think she’s way out. “So she said to me ‘Nina, you need to buy .....’” so that she hears my name. I think that helps.

From a practical point of view, my visits are RARELY more than half an hour, often less. I do like to go 3or 4 times a week when I can. That helps ME and I think helps her.

I deeply feel for your situation. I doubt that it does you much good to force yourself to go when it feels overwhelming. Just don’t let yourself feel as though you’ll never feel differently. Perhaps you will come to feel more comfortable. If you don’t, it’s really not because you’re bad or wrong.

Hugs and hopes........
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I am so sorry for the troubles you are having. I hope you are seeing a professional for the depression issues and willing to take medications if necessary.

A strategy I use with my mom is to time my visits before meals or her favorite activities. When the time comes I escort her to the dining or activity room and she will be distracted and not grumble.

Sometimes I ask her to walk me to the exit and she always gives me a tour and introduces me to the other residents along the way. By the time we get there she is ready to go back to her room for a nap.
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First of all, bring this information to the medical people so perhaps she can be treated. Second, she has dementia and her behavior will get worse and worse and worse - not your fault. YOU must think of YOU first. She is not who she was and never will be and her behavior is slowly killing you and you do not deserve that. I would write letters or call her and make some excuse that you will be visiting soon (she won't remember any of this and won't know you are not going to visit her). My advice is to steer clear except from a distance so you can escape at once if she acts out. There is always a knock on the door and you have to see who is there and then disappear. Do not let her harm you any more than she already has. Be strong.
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My heart goes out to you. One of my good friends is going through this with her mother. Her mother is very aggressive so it's even worse. This is a suggestion. A stretch but something worth trying. Make your mom a long CD of music she used to like to hear and play that with you come, and eventually have the staff to play it right after you leave. It works for some people but not everyone. God bless you
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Frances73 Jan 2020
Music is a good suggestion. We discovered Mom's cable TV has multiple music channels, she likes the swing one!
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I am a little more concerned about your health than your mom's right now. She is being cared for. You seem to need care now. Please make an appointment with your mental health provider. You need an adjustment in your medications or some lifestyle tweaks. My daughter has Seasonal Affective Disorder which makes winter and the winter holidays harder for her. She tries to use her "sun" lamps, work out, take vitamins, and avoid stressful confrontations during this time of year. It took her several years of different medication combinations and therapies to find what works for her. Seems you need a little more adjusting to find what works best for you. Do this knowing that a "healthier you" will do better visiting and helping your mom cope.
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Llamalover47 Dec 2019
Taarna: I agree with you. I told the OP that I was very concerned about her. I am familiar with that product to achieve faux vitamin D. It's called an OTT light. For many, the darkness of winter does bring on SAD.
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Cedarlove: I'm very concerned about your mental state of being, since you have a severe bout of depression. Please seek out the help of a psychiatrist, who can provide you with an rx for a low dose of anti anxiety medication, else you fall deeper into depression. That is the first recourse for you to do. Then you will see how much or how little you're able to visit your mother.
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Oh sweetie, I feel your heart. I’m in the same place.

No doubt, extra self care is needed, and it does feel like climbing out of a pit sometimes. Even tho it seems like it’s all about our moms right now, what if you took a minute to see, that this is really about us... I call it a season of “stretching”, and it can be so frustrating and painful, and the guilt, oh my, the guilt can be so crazy making for us if we dwell on it too long.
BUT.... If we allow Him, God will take this season and use it to grown us into more of who He wants us to be.
More patience, and more empathy than what we had before.
i know.... but before you throw a book at me, think a minute on the fact that there is no way to change them right now. That time has passed, and what doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger, and personally, I’m feeling a little like Mrs. Hulk right about now. 😜 and I don’t mind it because I know beyond a doubt I will be more ready to handle the next thing life throws at me.

One last thing.... this was a big game changer for the better, I needed to learn to be okay with pacifying her for the moment, because 10 minutes later what she thinks and how she feels may very well be in the opposite direction.
It so goes against my nature to not be completely honest with her, but all that did was cause the loopy conversations that are so frustrating.

But I get it now. If it’s not detrimental to their self or their. lively hood, then cushion your reply, and just let it go. She will be so much better for it too.

Remember to S T R E T C H ......, ❤️

I sure wish you well... merry christmas!
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So sorry to hear that you are doing so much and you still having feelings of depression and anxiety. I visit my mother (97) in memory care every morning (for the last year) to do her personal care. Many mornings after I get her out of bed, clean her up and in her wheelchair ready to go down for breakfast, she will get a look of horror and shriek "Are you going!" (yes, I have things to do) "When will you be back?!" (I will be back tomorrow morning) "Am I going to be here ALL ALONE!!? (No, there is always someone here just go down the hall). "But I don't want to go down the hall!!" (then watch TV or take a nap). I wheel her down, and as the staff chimes "Good morning!!" I spin around and get to the security door as fast as I can. I go every day, not to keep her company (or earn a "saint" badge) but to check on her personal hygiene and stock her supplies. Some mornings after I get her up & ready, she will pause and say "what do I do now?" (go to the door, make a left and go down the hall) She will then scoot down the hall to breakfast without a backward look. Maximum time 1 hour or as little as 20 minutes if everything is in order. If she is down the hall eating or working on a puzzle, I just do room & stock and leave. I do understand how you feel. You have to find a way to adjust to her circumstances in a way that will preserve your sanity.
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Frances73 Jan 2020
I have always heard that if the staff knows you are keeping an eye on your LO they will be more attentive.
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I loved Golden23's answer and this quote "I realized there was nothing I could do to make her happy, and making myself unhappy and more stressed wasn't helping anyone. We need to know that our feelings are ours to look after and the feelings of others are theirs, and not our responsibility. "
I have finally realized that my visiting my dad doesn't really do him any good or me any good. I have a right to protect my emotional/mental health and my physical health because God knows, I have been harmed by visits in the past. I only go every couple of weeks. He is being cared for and I can not change anything. You must realize you can't fix her, fix the situation or change anything. You need to learn skills that will help you release it. Sounds like you are carrying her burden as your own. Realize what you are capable of doing and that it is truly ok not to feel like you are responsible for her feelings. I understand that the constant complaints and negativity can get to you. I have learned to just say "I know, dad" and try to redirect. If it gets to be too much...I say inside to myself "time's up" and say my good byes. Do not worry about when you will be back next because she time doesn't mean the same to her as it does to you. Help yourself as you are the one responsible for you! Take care.
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golden23 Dec 2019
Thx harp and well done re your dad.
Re "I have a right to protect my emotional/mental health and my physical health" - not just a right but, as you say below, a responsibility to yourself. As well as and at the same time as being responsible for others, we are responsible for self care.
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I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this. Dementia is such a cruel disease. It affects everyone in the family. And bless her heart, your mom just doesn’t understand. Her mind is not working 100%. My advice would to be to seek a good therapist to help you come to a reasonable decision that you can live with. I just lost my mother a month ago to Alzheimer’s/dementia. It’s so very hard for us children. I don’t think there is any easy answer to this question. I look at therapy as a gift to myself because of life situations that I’ve experienced. I am now going through a little depression over the loss of my mother but I know in time I’ll be OK just as you will be OK. There is always Hope! You’re a good daughter and my heart goes out to you.
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Sweetstuff Dec 2019
I’m very sorry for the loss of your Mom. May she now Rest In Peace.
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So often the advice is given to distract from the whining or complaining, Change the subject or deny your mom her reality. I’ve had better success with my mom’s complaints a by fully going to the emotional space with her. “Oh yes that’s so sad, hard or awful. “I bet you are really sad when we leave” it might help your mom to feel understood. It’s a bit of a game I play with my mom. Agreeing with her instead of denying her emotions. Often she’ll respond by saying, oh it’s not so bad!
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Cedarlove, I can identify as 24/7 caretaker of very elderly Mom with dementia that gets worse every day. It is unbelievable stress and it affects us in every way. My only words of help are to try to step away completely when you leave, do not let your mind fixate on this situation, remind yourself you are doing all you can and take time that very day to do something for you to relax. It is depressing watching a loved one disappear before your eyes and experience them doing things that upset you. No idea if visiting her or not visiting her is right for you, but think about when she passes and how it will affect you if you do not visit. Note, I am not saying you will feel worse then for not having visited, just saying to consider if it will make you feel better now and then worse or perhaps not. Sometimes I think our loved ones may be odd to us on the outside and not doing what we'd like, but perhaps inside they are themselves and struggling. To me, and I don't suggest this is your case, helping Mom through this is my way of giving back somehow for all she has done for us in her lifetime so I continue knowing that after she passes I will have time for myself and am hoping to recover then!
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An addendum to my recent post. I use "I have to go to work" as my mom always put a high value on work. If your mom valued other activities, substituting that activity for "work" is an option. Good luck.
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Alesigonzales Dec 2019
That’s a great answer, “ I have to go to work mom.” Because my mom also valued working and understood the value of work! Love it
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I empathize with your situation and feelings. My mom lives at a wonderful memory care facility and is very much as you described your mom. I visit her frequently but not every day. As time has passed (she's been there for 2 years), and I've experienced similar difficulties during visits, I've accepted that using what could be called a "good-bye fib" is helpful. With her dementia the "fib" is likely not remembered, doing no harm to mom and helping my state of mind when leaving. I tell her I have to go to work for a while (whatever day or time it is) and I'll be back later. She may have questions but I just say "later". Then a soft "I love you, mom" and that usually makes the leaving transition more pleasant. (I do see her "later" but it may be in a day or 2!) Lying is hardly an admirable trait but, in the case of a dementia, it can make transitions better for all involved. I've dealt with some difficult things throughout life but nothing compares to the emotions and challenges of dementia. Maybe this idea, or a variation of it, can help you too.
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((((((((cedar)))))))) My mother passed about a year ago. She had vascular dementia and life long borderline personality disorder which made her a very difficult person to relate to. I lived (still live) 5 hrs drive away. I learned over time that visiting for short periods and always having an "out" when she got difficult was what worked for me. This was before she developed dementia, but it applied as well afterwards. I realized there was nothing I could do to make her happy, and making myself unhappy and more stressed wasn't helping anyone. We need to know that our feelings are ours to look after and the feelings of others are theirs, and not our responsibility. I only visited a few times a year. Mother was well cared for in a facility and I kept in touch with them and looked after anything that came up, medical issues, financial matters, etc

I applied a "harm reduction" concept for myself and did what I needed to do to keep myself on an even keel. It still wasn't easy and still was very stressful being a POA daughter of a very ill mother, but it was better than the extreme stress I felt from spending more time with her, which made me ill.

It sounds like you are being made ill by the stress of frequent visits, whereas your mother who expresses unhappiness when you are there, then forgets about it immediately. Can you see yourself as a trigger for her unhappiness and her as a trigger for your stress and that both of you would be better off if you visited less often?This is the reality, not some Hallmark movie concept of what a "good daughter" should do.

Please look after yourself. Your mother is being cared for. Give yourself a break until you feel stronger and then visit less often so you don't get into this condition again. Only you will know when you feel better. If you need permission/support to cut back on visits - many responsible, caring people on here have suggested it.

Good luck, Let us know how you are. I wish I had cared for myself more and sooner than I did. My health suffered.
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shad250 Dec 2019
I'm sorry for your loss
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I'm sure you've tried to change the subject when your mom whines and
that you've done all that is possible, but the one thing that might really
help you and her would be to put on some music as soon as you arrive. It might be relaxing. Or to take a little present that captures her attention immediately. Rarely do other family members visit my mom with me, but when they do they ask how I am able to stand her condition. So I've wondered if maybe I just don't have feelings, as they suggest I should be really upset. I'm not. At least not always. I would love if she did not have this disease and could be herself again at home. But if she must be in the facility, I would love if she knew I was not there to take her home and if she could know that my dad died and that's why he isn't with her and why she can't go see him, and if I didn't have to tell her he went fishing. I would love if she could remember where the dining room is and how to get back to her own room after dinner. It would be nice if she didn't think people attending the music concert in the living room were her "enemies". On and on. But this is how it is now.
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You are not alone. Thank you for posting this and how you feel! I wish we could talk more about this. I have the exact same situation with my mom. I mean exact! It takes me 2 days to recover from a visit with mom. My mom has Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson’s Disease. Yet she is fully aware that she’s loosing her mind- Hallucinations, delerium. But the worst for me is when she cries, begs and cries for me to stay and visit longer. I have to slowly watch her die and suffer. It’s been five years now. She’s in memory care. Dad is gone. I used to go everyday and for long periods of time. But due to the depression and anxiety, and lots of grief that I now have, I had to take a step beck and go only 2-3 x a week. I miss her so much and she has not even died yet. I’m in therapy and taking two medications. It helps balance the abnormality of this. I also get out a lot with friends and try to balance the pain of this by doing fun things too. I have to do this for my sanity and for my own teen kids and my husband. My mom needs me so much but so does my own family. How do I choose? There is only one of me. That’s the key though- boundaries because there IS only one of me. Guilt bombards me daily but that’s all from the devil and it’s normal. So I try to ignore it. I’m doing what I can to survive. You are not alone. I wish we could talk more to support one another.
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I cannot tell you what to do. No one can. Nor will I judge your actions. That isn’t my place and I don’t have any desire to judge you.

I only want you reiterate what was helpful to me. It truly took me totally stepping away before I could feel the full impact of how damaging full time caregiving was to me. I am glad that you are not in the position of being a full time caregiver.

You are under a great deal of stress. It’s all hard, part time or full time caregiving. Maybe you need time off for awhile. Not even phone calls. Completely step away in order to become refreshed again. Then you can reassess with a clearer mind.

Ask anyone on this site and they will tell you that I was totally blind and lost and couldn’t see the situation for what it was. It took me awhile to be able to process my experiences. So don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s called conditioning. You have to reprogram your thoughts. Not easy to do.

Either you will consciously choose a change or something will happen and changes will naturally occur. Just know that you deserve to have peace and harmony in your life.

My vote is to consciously choose positive changes. It’s never fun to develop emotional or physical changes due to a stressful environment.
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I agree with maybe shortening the length and/or frequency of visits if you can. My mom was the same way. She would get anxious and sometimes cry every time I had to leave. It was both upsetting and frustrating at the same time. In time, I did learn to detach more and to understand that it was part of her illness and not take it as personally as I did at first, though it was still not easy, and I had to shorten/cut back on visits too. She suffered from mental health issues and dementia.

Therapy helped, to have someone, a neutral professional third party that wouldn't judge, to talk to that could help me work through my feelings about everything and learn ways to cope and take care of myself too.
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While it's true that a therapist cannot fix your mother, one could help you with your own emotions and thinking plus you probably need anti depression meds. Meds are great but combined with therapy is even better. Also, staying a couple of hours is way too long.
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