This is my first time on a caregivers site. I moved my Dad here a year ago when his wife had a health crisis brought on by his bad behavior and craziness. He's 95. He lived with us for all of 2 weeks before he found needing help on our stairs to be "dehumanizing" so we found him a nursing home close by. He hates being here. He wants to go back to NC. He always has terrible stories about the nursing home- but when I communicate with staff it turns out I only know 25% of the story. The truth is he is mean, vindictive and wouldn't tell the truth when he can think up a lie instead. In the year he has been here he has only called when he needs something, wants me to fix something or bring him somewhere. I try to be there at least 3 times a week and my husband does the same. I have told him that as soon as Medicaid pays his nursing home bill I will take him back to NC. This month things with him have gotten worse. As his health improves his behavior gets worse. This week I have hung up on him 3 different times. He calls me to tell me crazy stories that he knows will make me crazy. He called me 3 times in a few hours with different reasons for why he is still doing the one thing he knows makes me crazy- and laughed like hell when I finally lost it and yelled at him. Today I told him I was not having anymore crazy conversations with him and he should call someone else and I hung up. But how can I not answer the phone when I'm the family member here? I've been the devoted daughter, always taken him out, seen him every weekend. And I'm done. I can't do crazy anymore. I'm not going to see him this weekend. I found a therapist- it's not enough. Today I found myself looking up how much medication I needed to take to kill myself. I thought maybe I'd reach out here instead. My husband doesn't understand why I let it get to me. He says my Dad can only make me crazy if I let him. I have no one else to talk to. I don't know what else to do. It took his wife 7 months to get all the information we needed for the Medicaid application. This could take another 6 months or a year before the bill is paid. Right now there is almost $150,000 due. And it's in my name because I signed all the papers to get him into the nursing home. I am at the end of my rope. I hate my life with him in it. I was getting by until he decided that this week was "let's see how much we have to piss off Jen till she sends me back to NC" week. I don't know if this is the right place to post this. I don't even know what to ask. I don't know if there is anything anyone can say to make me feel better or see light at the end of the tunnel. I have a feeling everyone else handles this so much better than I ever will.