Can you suffer from burnout after a loved one's death?

My beloved sister passed away at the very end of October and I am just starting to "revive." I haven't wanted to do ANYTHING...even though I have lists in my head and the tasks themselves aren't onerous. If I didn't have to go to work I would likely do nothing all day, every day, except watch TV. Not sure I would even get dressed!
So cut yourself some slack...two months is just a blink of an eye. I think that being emotionally drained takes a long time to overcome. The one thing that has helped me is that a couple of times I have done something for someone else who has lost a close relative (cooking;visiting). It energized me to do something good for someone else

Yes.

I'm sorry about the loss of your grandmom

As the other members have mentioned, you are probably suffering from Depression, which can be normal.

I would suggest you find a psychiatrist if you have not done so already. He/she can be a big help trying to get you through this trying time.

Places, people and things may not be the way they were before her death, which is something else to adjust to.

Blessings.

In the covid crisis, I was the only one that ran the errands. No one, other than me, saw empty grocery shelves etc. In December 2020, I realized the stress was going to get the best of me and took 4 days by myself to ride horses. Once again, I am in the same position. My father took his life in August 2021, Mothers mental issue escalated. Had to get the law and a judge involved. She safe in assisted living. But now I am packing up her home with no help. As of Sunday, guess where I going? Yes, back to riding for 4 days. Just take the chance and do for yourself. You won't regret it.

You've got excellent advise from other responses in seeking professional help.

You are not alone in your feelings and thank you for being brave enough to admit something is wrong.

Stay Inspired

Petrasmall12: Edit - there *is* no time limit on grief.

Please consider a few things to try to help you:

1 - Go see a medical doctor. You may have some physical issues that need to be addressed so you can feel more energetic.

2 - Go see a psychiatrist of counsellor that can help evaluate and treat mental health issues. It is not unusual for death of a loved one to create all sorts of feelings. Dr. Kubler-Ross outlined the usual process of grief stages:
Stage 1 - "denial" - the feeling that this can't be true
Stage 2 - "anger" - the feeling that this isn't fair or right
Stage 3 - "bargaining" - ineffective methods to bring back the usual or normal life before the loss
Stage 4 - "depression" - the sadness when realize the loss is permanent
Stage 5 - "acceptance" - the feeling of peace and wholeness after the loss
You might just be going through the depression phase or you might have some underlying depression which can be treated successfully.

3 - Make time to recharge your "batteries" daily and weekly: sleep 7-9 hours every day, do something enjoyable to at least 1 hour daily and more so on days off, and develop friendships with people who nurture you.

4 - Consider nurturing your faith. As a Christian, I find that time spent talking to God and reading His words to me help me to feel more at peace and focused.

Petrasmall12: Firstly, I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your grandmother and send deepest condolences to you. As caregiving is extremely difficult, it is very common for caregivers to suffer from literal exhaustion AFTER the care has ended. You may benefit from seeing a counselor, but please understand that there in no time limit on grief.

I came here to say what ConnieCaretaker has already said; you're likely suffering from the 5 stages of grief rather than 'burnout', and likely feeling Depression right now, more so than anything else.

The 5 stages, which fluctuate, are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

The sixth stage is thought to be Finding Meaning, b/c many caregivers lose themselves during the long, arduous road they found themselves on for so long. Then after the loved one dies, they ask NOW WHAT?

The link Connie provided you with goes into detail about the 6th stage and offers a book about the entire subject matter. Excellent site to check out.

Wishing you the best of luck with your situation.

https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief

Perhaps you can locate a grief counselor in your area. I found that by doing volunteer work, it got me out of my own depressing thoughts and gave me hope.

You are suffering with Grief and Loss. They will never stop till you die. You need help in "adjusting" while recovering. That is why there is a recovery group for you. Yes you probably are burned out and rest is necessary. But, loss and grief recovery is why Medicare and other insurance covers and is important as in any other "recovery".

My mother is still alive. But I experienced what you described once she moved into care. It’s as if I held it together for her, and the moment that constant responsibility was lifted I fell apart. Exhausted, unable to focus, waking at every little sound, anxious and jumpy, just staring out the window or at the tv. Months later I am still not quite myself.

Sounds like you are still fulfilling a lot of needs but your own. Give yourself permission and time to grieve, and to recover, physically and emotionally.

Absolutely someone could be suffering the effects of caregiver burnout after it has ended. You are also experiencing grief over the loss of your grandmother, and a new job on top of it. Your whole life has changed very fast. There was no transition period for you to just take a break. Even when there is it's still hard to get out of living in what I call "caregiver time". When someone is a caregiver to an elderly person every moment has to be carefully planned and on a strict schedule. A person needs some time to transition back to a normal life.
Give yourself a break. A few years ago my full time paid caregiving job ended abruptly. I worked for one invalid who was bedbound from LBD. Then my father died in the nursing home six weeks later. He was still new to the place so I had these people harassing me night and day. One time their business office has called 17 times in one day. It didn't even stop on weekends. Every waking moment of my life was about an elderly person, their care, and who's getting their money. Of course my own elderly mother was still sniping at me night and day.
Even though it all stopped, I was couldn't just snap out of crisis mode and living on caregiver time. Every time the phone rang I was overcome with dread. The nursing home wasn't calling anymore. I wasn't working for the invalid client whose family depended on me for everything anymore.
I had plenty of money and did not have to go back to work right away yet I was so exhausted I could barely get up from bed in the morning.
You need to take a break even if it's a little at a time. Make a date to go out with friends once a week. Do something you enjoy regularly. Like go to a movie or taking a daily walk. Go on vacation if you can. It will help.

Give yourself a break.
There's no norm for this. Only you know how you feel, so allow yourself to grieve and mourn as much and for as long as you need. For many, it takes as long as a year to get back to some sort of normalcy.

Yes, burnout lingers!! I was with Mom daily for 15 years, with the last 5 serving in a caregiver role. When she passed a couple of months ago at 100, I found myself feeling totally exhausted. I don't think years of this type of emotional and physically exhausting care can be remedied in a few months. Take all the time you need, go slow, and give yourself permission to rest.

Care taking someone through the dying process is traumatic for the care taker. Grieving is much like PTSD. Be kind to yourself. You are vare taking yourself for awhile. Ask other people for help wherever you need it. People are often glad for a chance to be helpful.

Talk to your doctor. It sounds a little like you are grieving for your loved one as well as the years you "lost" caring for her. You may need some pharmaceutical intervention or a good therapist. Churches, hospice and other organizations sometimes have groups focusing on grief.

Make a simple daily schedule that includes walking, something creative, and household tasks. Join your neighborhood association. Volunteer at a nursing home, hospice or other helping place. Journal, but set aside one day every two weeks to read it. With every review you will see improvement.

You are still grieving your grandmother's death. If you were her caregiver, your grief reaction will be more intense. Depression, lack of patience, no motivation, inability to concentrate. --all entirely normal.
Try writing out some of your feelings. You can buy a notebook or composition book and write down what you are feeling, write letters "to your grandmother," write about your sadness, your anger your confusion--anything that comes to mind. No one else ever has to read these things. You can throw your notes away if you want to, but writing them down helps you recognize and articulate your feelings and puts your thoughts somewhere outside of your head and off "the hamster wheel" that is clouding your brain and your ability to function.
Getting back to what is more normal for you can take time. Don't rush yourself. It takes as long as it takes. There is no "should" in grieving.

Depression is a normal response to what you have experienced. That doesn't mean that seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for some short term help is not an excellent idea. They often can relieve even normal responses to loss and stress.

Dear Petra,
You’ve been on quite a roller coaster ride. Here’s the list:
caregiver
caregiver burnout
grandmother’s death
grief from grandmother’s death
new job
All of these are major life events and transitions and explain why you are feeling as you do. Give yourself the time to heal emotionally and adjust to these changes. You sound like an amazing young woman!
Best wishes to you!

Sorry to hear about your grandmother's death. Hopefully this message finds your comfort as you move forward in life. You need this grieving period. Do seek professional help if necessary.

A friend who cared for her FIL for years is just now bouncing back almost a year after his death. She and her husband have had to deal with the FIL’s house and finances since his passing, so the “job” continued for months. The return of her freedom to be herself is a bit overwhelming! It is what I crave and I warned my family that when the time comes and Grammy is no longer with us, I am going to disappear for a long while. No plans, but the sure knowledge that I will need time. Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. Grief is definitely a process.

My 100 yr old mother passed on January of this year. We collected her things from SKN and completed her funeral arrangements.

After eight years, I am trying to get in touch with what I need. What do I enjoy(?) What is my future plan(?) I looked up free online training courses in the programming language SQL and attempted the first lesson. After a total mind freeze I closed the session discouraged. Walked away. Twenty minutes later, something clicked and I went back into the session and completed it (!)

Spring is here. Pussy willow, crocus, snowdrops. Trees getting their buds. I remember something like “no Winter lasts forever, no Spring misses a turn”. Let it happen.

I’m very sorry for your loss and I believe it’s very much possible to still be burnout!

I’m burnt out atm while caring for Mum and I often wonder how I’m meant to just keep going....

I’ve used up so much of leave etc while caring for Mum that I’m greatly stressed about how I will survive when the day arrives that she is no longer here. I know I’ll be an absolute mess and massively burnt out and I don’t have ANY other family to lean on. I’m scared I’ll lose my job and with that many other things.

in fact, I find myself sometimes fantasizing about those clinical trials they advertise. Booking myself into be a test bunny and just laying there and treating it like a rehab for myself. It’s the only way to earn while laying down doing nothing for several weeks! You know perhaps that would give me time to heal! That’s pretty much my back up plan atm.

Is it weird that I crave to be in such an environment where I’m catered for / cared for?!?! Do these kind of thoughts cross your mind or anyone else reading this?

I wish there was some kind of carer rehab to get all that energy back!

I also used used to love cooking, cleaning, going to gym etc. now I just have absolutely no energy with brain fog !

I dont think 2 mths is a long time if you were close! It will take time and our bodies are in habit. Start with baby steps!! x

Petra, So sorry for your loss. My mom passed away right after Christmas and I can't even imagine finding a new job right now. I got so burned out caretaking her in her confined hospital bed for 3 mths and prayed to God everyday to give me strength to carry on. For 2 months I couldn't sleep after she passed and now getting a few hours of sleep. Continue praying and take care of you first to be able to gradually heal. Baby steps are what I'm doing every day. Blessings to you!

Dear Petra,
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Believe me when I say you are not alone in our grief (or, your life). It says so much about you that you were close to your grandmother (many don't get this chance). I loved my grandparents and wish I could have talked with them so much more... they lived in a different country.
As a young child, I attended (too many) funerals because my parents had large families (many of my uncles and aunts died young).
My father passed away when I was 18 (he was 45). That was difficult and basically tore our family apart in many ways. Life doesn't seem fair,
Give yourself time, be good to yourself. In time, you'll realize how wonderful it was that you had this precious time with your grandmother.
I always feel like they are with us... Love is eternal... it's 'energy'... and, energy never dies.
Enjoy this miracle of life you were given. This is what your grandmother would have wanted for you.
Be happy.
Blessings
🌹🕊

Petra, I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved grandmother. Best wishes to you.

Petra, I am so sorry for your loss. May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and comfort during this new, difficult season in your life.

It is still early days in your loss. Right now, pray lots and put one foot in front of the other, doing what you must while you grieve your loss and find your new balance. Time truly does help us heal, especially when you give it ALL to Jesus.