Can we talk about Therapeutic Lying?
I would like to know if you guys think this constitutes therapeutic lying:
I am hiring a nurse to come sit with my mom a few hours a week so that she isn't alone as much. My sister and I are there often but not all the time. Mom (81) has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's but still functioning at home pretty well. She has controlled diabetes and high blood pressure as well as COPD. She's actually in pretty good physical condition but she has fallen a few times and sometimes if she gets on her knees to do something she can't get back up without assistance.
I'm hiring a nurse to be with her but I don't want to tell my mom that the hire is mainly just a companion or "sitter". The nurse will check her sugar and blood pressure, etc., but she's being hired to help keep an eye on my mom. She'll be there for 2 hours once a week.
I want to tell my mom that her dr. is starting up home health again, which she had before, but they discontinued. I HATE lying. But I also hate to make my mom feel like a child. She already feels bad about herself because she can't remember how to cook and she's getting worse...sometimes she can't remember how to make her coffee or use the vacuum cleaner.
What do you think? Any other suggestions? The nurse is starting tomorrow! I thought it would be good to start a nurse now and then increase the amount of time the nurse is there as my mom gets worse.
6 Answers
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a) It keeps the peace and they don’t worry
b) If they aren’t worrying or upset about something then they don’t get frustrated and become aggressive
c) It is kinder to you because it removes stress.
I struggled with lying to them as well but eventually realised it was being more kind to them if I did.
there was no other way and I never felt any guilt, just reveled in my victories: Getting the carpet cleaned. New dryer installed. Home nurse visit. Sent the car out to get fixed....Forever.
Everyone who came to the house was either an old girlfriend of mine, who just happened to be a nurse, or an old football buddy who just happened to have a cleaning service and so on.
So let’s quit clutching our pearls about lying and do what needs to be done. I mean no disrespect. I just like using that phrase.
I just watched the original and new Mary Poppins movies back to back. The line a 'Spoonful of Sugar helps the medicine go down..' is applicable when dealing with seniors as well as kids.
You are all right and thank you for responding. Yesterday I went over and had to take away the car keys and hide the matches. She said she had wanted to burn some garbage in the back yard. And I think she tried to make hot chocolate in the coffee pot.
I need to be there more and more and having a nurse help out is crucial in my sanity.
I guess what makes me feel bad about the lying is that I wonder, is it for my benefit or hers. It's both. And I worry about getting caught in a lie and then she doesn't trust me. But she's pretty disoriented and I don't think that's going to happen.
Again thanks for the responses.