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I am caring for my 91 year old grandmother with Alzheimer's. She moved in with me because nobody else wants to take care of her. I have no help. I have not left my home for 2 weeks. I can't even go outside to work in the yard because she constantly goes to the bathroom & wants me to watch her because she might fall. She has 3 children that won't step up. She had a nearly 200 acre farm that she has split between her 3 kids, 2 grandsons, & 1 great grandson (my son). My aunt took her to an attorney in January and had the last 55 acres split between her & my mom. The rest of the land was given to the others over 3 years ago. She held on to the last 55 acres because she rented it to a farmer & it was the majority of her income. Now that the land is all divided and she has nothing else to give they are all done with her. I have no rights when it comes to her. Her 3 kids have medical power of attorney & a family friend has POA. I am not strong enough to do all of this. I ask for help but there's always an excuse. I am financially & emotionally drained. I don't understand why in all of their minds they feel like it's up to me to take on this responsibility. If she goes into a home can they take the land back to pay for her care? I really don't want to put her in a home but I can't get any help at all and there's no excuse when there's so many within walking distance that should be helping. I can't keep letting them all hold the fact that the property will be taken over my head. I didn't get any of it so why should I be making all of the sacrifices so they can keep it?

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No one will take the land but Medicaid can refuse to provide payment for services equal to the number of months that the value of gifted property would have paid for. Example $10,000 worth of land gifted. Services cost $1,000 per month. Family or parent must pay out of pocket for 10 months as penalty period. So the person lives with family until the period is covered. The rest of family is using you to run out the 5 year clock. Move out. None of them will help you.
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I am with Ahmijoy 1,000%. You might also say that you will be delivering grandma to whichever of this crew has POA at the end of whatever time limit you choose to list. Meanwhile there must be ZERO discussion on this with the family. Tell them you are uninterested in how they work it out, but work it out they must and you will NOT be involved in any way.
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If u do what Ahmijoy suggests and the response is they will not care for her, contact Adult Protection. Tell them you cannot care for her and you have no control. Maybe they can inform her children that they have a responsibility. Either take her in or find a place for her. Because she gave away land within the five year lookback, those whobreceived the land maybe asked to pay for it for her care. If they won't, someone will have to take her in until the penalty time is over.
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On top of the past 2 answers, look up The term domestic servitude and determine if you see yourself. You are now only becoming your gma's life and can no longer persue your dreams. You risk your own health. The family only wanted her assets and not to care for her. If you seek help from APS, they will make sure she is safe. Nursing homes are not all that bad. They provide some enrichment programs and entertainment during the day. Plus gma's mental needs narrow over time.

Now in order for Medicaid to help your gma and not steal us taxpayers' money. The government will put pressure on those hungry landgrabbers to make amends. Please do not continue to be their pawn. They are sucking your life dry. You would do your gma's best to just visit her and provide company
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I'm so sorry, what a shameful situation. Your Grandma will not qualify for full Medicaid for another 4.4 years and from your description she will certainly need Long term care well before that. You will not be able to handle caring for her when she progresses. Even with a full team of family members chipping in it would be too much to care for someone with full blown advanced Alzheimers. She is going to need a Nursing Home but it appears your family wants her assets at the expense of her care. Awful situation to be in for you. You could walk away and risk estranging yourself from your family but do you have the resources and ability to make it on your own? If you walk away, you want to first go to Elder protection services and tell them everything so they can step in and make sure Grandma will be taken care of. (It is not your responsibility to solely take care of her so don't feel guilty and you will be doing nothing wrong in their eyes if what you said here is the truth). If you can make it on your own (and even if you have doubts you can)and if your family continues to not cooperate, and yes they are using you for their benefit, this is what I would do. It would force the other family to take care of Grandma or chip in and pay for the care she needs.
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Send letters, certified mail so you will get a receipt, to her three kids and the family friend with POA and tell them you are done. Finished. Kaput. Give them one month to find alternative care for her, during which time you will find alternative living arrangements.

You are being used. You have no say, no rights and it sounds like no respect from anyone. Let all those who have benefitted from her wealth handle the arrangements and leave. Nothing will change unless you change it.
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