Caring for a mother in law for the last 8 months she has dementia. Currently taking medication, other family member doesn't help. I'm disabled myself I had 3 strokes a year ago, my husband just lost his oldest son in March to suicide so of course he is in grieving. He is my current in home worker so I feel he is stuck between a rock and hard place. We thought his brother would be coming back to town to continue taking care of her but that is not an option for at least another year. We are so overwhelmed we really could use any advice we could get for the best of all 3 of us.
Consider placement for MIL now. So sorry for this heaping full plate of your.
THERE ARE NO EASY SOLUTIONS, but if you can find a residential care setting NEAR ENOUGH TO YOU to be able to get in to see her every few days, you will have peace with knowing that she’s being cared for while you figure out all of the other very difficult sues in YOUR LIVES.
What she SAYS is now meaningless to you, because dementia means she is no longer capable of speaking and listening with meaning. You and DH must learn to disregard painful comments.
If it helps, think of her as a needy child. A child says hurtful things because they are not yet in control of what they are thinking or saying. Dementia creates the same disruption in logical thought.
Under 24/7 observation, medication may be helpful with relieving her of her disruptive behaviors, and also give YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND the time you need to help yourselves. CARING FOR YOURSELVES is just as important now as your concern about MIL, and the most loving course you can take for all of you.
may be helpful with relieving her of her disruptive behaviors. My MIL has not only excused me and my daughter of selling her clothes, but taking her underwear too. The clothes she is wearing is not hers. Caught her once cooking a plate of sauce on the stove top when I shut off the heat she smacked me...etc. I lost my mom when young and i think I feel obligated to continue to care for her it makes it hard sometimes to just say ok and walk away. To the point me and my husband both sick. She does have mynastinia gravis so is there a medication she could take she 97 and I am thinking nothing that would slow her heart. Please let me know. Thank you
Rule of thumb is the second caregiving starts effecting your health it's time for placement.
Definitely get some in home assistance ASAP. Even if it's a cleaning lady, get it lined up and get some help. Home health aides for your MIL? Someone in general so hubby can get a break from caregiving?
Not sure how advanced her dementia is? Does it warrant being in a nursing home?
Good luck.
http://www.wvseniorservices.gov/HelpatHome/FAIRFamilyAlzheimersInHomeRespite/tabid/75/Default.aspx
This link is specifically to their page about in-home respite support for families coping with Alzheimers, but the website also has information about all sorts of services for seniors.
Best of luck, please let us know how you're getting on.