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There was a lot of mental abuse in my childhood, so I can only be around her for a very short period of time before the anxiety takes over. She was diagnosed with dementia about 5 years ago, had been doing pretty well up until recently. I at first thought maybe it was just her age (76), but it's happening often, and there are other things as well. The fire department has been to her apartment I think 4 or 5 times to turn her smoke alarms off (the apartment building she lives in requires the F.D. come to turn the smoke alarms off when they have been on), The last time was because she forgot she had put ice cube trays on a skillet and set the skillet in the oven. That evening she was gonna cook a pizza, and and melted the ice cube trays all over one side of the oven and filled her apartment with smoke. Now, I just moved up here to Ohio from Alabama - She knows my husband and I are in need of a vehicle , and she has one, (we are waiting on a settlement from an accident we were in) and she being manipulative about using the car. She has been SO manipulative my ENTIRE freaking life. She used to threaten she would commit suicide to me if she didn't get her way... I mean who the crap does this??? I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis and fibromyalgia. That's a lot in itself. Any stress causes me such sickness. But it's no point in trying to talk to her.Im so confused as to what to do- but I want to get her more help than what she gets now (housekeeper 2times every 2 weeks)

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Call her local Area Agency on Aging. Do NOT move in with her, have her move in with you or co-mingle your finances in any way.

If she is unsafe using her appliances and the fire department is being called, she will be reported to Adult Protective Services. She will be declared a ward of the state and force placed. Stay out of this.


If you need a car, rent one.

Why would you subject yourself to a person who is mentally ill and abusive?
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Tell your mother that you are ill and cannot/WILL not be participating in her care hereafter. Give her the numbers for her doctor, local council on aging, 911 and etc. Do not accept POA or guardianship. Do not take her into your own home for a moment.

Let the state take over as they must for a childless person. Report her to APS instead of going to her if/when she calls.

Only other option is to sacrifice your own life on the altar of your Mom's conditions. And what for her THEN?

Stay around on this Forum and watch posters and those answering so you can see what happens when you DON'T follow those rules. There are excellent lessons on her about painting yourself into very unpleasant forners.
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Always do what is best for you. Honor yourself and your needs. I'm sorry you went through those things and experienced abuse. I hope the information I posted below can help you. <3

Central Ohio Area Agency on Aging
(614) 645-7250
https://www.coaaa.org/

Area Agency On Aging
937-223-HELP
https://info4seniors.org/
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