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I know dirtbags do.


Several years ago when parents were still getting around on their own, I helped them setup a bank account and have been paying their bills/other purchases out of that account for said length of time. My name is not on the account. I am not POA or SSRP. Just pay their bills and give them in hand what is left. But yesterday I discovered that live-in-sibling is trying to change banks and it is not a matter of if, but when.


Another stumbled upon piece of information during a visit. Sibling hurried the elder to their room, locked the door, and stuffed a piece of cloth underneath the door to muffle sounds. Elder began verifying information requested by agent. I kept hearing something about numbers and accounts so went upfront and grabbed another phone. I asked agent to allow me to explain to elder what was taking place to be sure it was understood and if that’s what was desired. If so, I’d make sure transaction went smoothly.


Needless to say, sibling was very unhappy and talking loudly over everyone to confuse the elder and perhaps the agent. Elder stated it was not understood and it wasn't understood in regards to the documents signed earlier at bank where sibling started the process of switching over.


I don’t know what to do. Elder gave permission for me to have POA and I considered that and SSRP but feel ? because I see what sibling does and don’t want to be accused of doing the same or of causing more grief. Of course, my reasons would be to protect.


Not only that, sibling is having the aides report back what they see and hear during our visits. I kid you not. Again heard during the visit as one of the aides hurdled in the room with live-in-sibling. At this point, I'd love to switch companies but lost my power to do so after quitting the job. APS is not making visits apparently and did not seem to have made a visit from first call.


What to do? What to do?

answry, in families with multiple siblings, transparency is best. If your parents are mentally competent to create a new PoA, they could designate more than one PoA on it. That's the arrangement my MIL has with her 2 out of 3 sons. It's worked well. But FYI if your parents are mentally competent and the live-in sibling still has access to them after a new PoA is created, he still will have the ability to convince them to create yet another PoA making him the only. Options are to get guardianship/conservatorship (and this requires time and money and having to prove your parents -- 2 separate people -- are incapacitated in court), or move the sibling out and get a restraining order against him. None of this is a solution if your parents are mentally competent, because it is what they want that matters, not what anyone thinks they should want or have. The law sees them as separate people whose right to determine their own life choices is to be protected.
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Yes I believe sibling would not pay bills and continue to issue out parents' money to others. Firsthand knowledge not secondhand. Rest of siblings have had hands in the cookie jar per say one way or the other including loans all over the place.

Hence the reason I can't ask them for help.

With that being said, I was willing to hand finances over yesterday but had concerns. Siblings are evil and I don't know how I'd be able to continue making sure things got paid. Like now, most things are setup online. Once sibling takes over, I believe that would change and I'd no longer be able to even view.

I'm not trying to be the bill police. I say this because there were disconnections in the past on various utilities. The amount of money was the same amount sibling was receiving. The second reason I say this is because parents were losing their life/burial insurance because numerous loans made against the policies had gone unpaid so insurance company had terminated their policies. I had to catch up the loans before the policies got reinstated. I'm down to one now.

Doing it behind my back just sent those alarm bells off again and I believe it also has to do with this so called stimulus.

So it's not a matter of if sibling gets control but when.
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Alicew234 Apr 13, 2020
Sounds like you could make a good case that you should be the conservator for your parent. Did you say your parent agreed to give you Power of Attorney? I would accept that offer and not worry about what other siblings thought of it.

Banks are pretty careful about who they allow to access an account. Even with a power of attorney, we've had issues getting access to bank accounts. Alert the bank that someone might be trying to close the current account.

DIverting the stimulus check away from the account where tax refunds have been direct deposited or the bank where the SSI check goes will be difficult.
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Look into filing for conservatorship. Let the courts decide which sibling should handle their finances.

Do you think your sibling wouldn't pay their bills as you are doing?
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