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Hi Everyone,
It's been a very rough year since I was last on these forums. My marriage fell apart, all the support services for my parents at their independent living apartments have been removed, and my mom is declining rapidly where memory and physical ability are concerned. We are in the process of moving mom and dad in with me, but their needs have ramped up so far that I am doing 99% of their big daily care while still living in my marital home while we finalize the divorce. I am also currently the primary caregiver for my high functioning autistic daughter.
Have any of you been paid as your parents primary caregiver? Mom and dad do not currently qualify for Medicaid, and my research shows that I can't get paid through the state of MI. My divorce will dictate that I prove employment as soon as it is final, and I CAN NOT work full time, care for my daughter, AND care for my parents. We can not afford to put them in a care facility, and mom's neuropsychological testing for Alzheimers/dementia isn't until June, or maybe September... there's confusion as to when the appt even is. I am currently handling all their bills that aren't automated, buying groceries, preparing their main meal (my dad can make snacks, but not feed them full meals that aren't microwaved), cleaning, managing meds, taking them to appts, handling any doctor/medical calls/emails, keeping up with mom's physical therapy exercise, and doing their laundry, as well as supporting them mentally and emotionally as their world has changed so drastically.
I've looked into getting paid by the state, and again, because they don't qualify for Medicaid, I don't THINK I am eligible for being paid through our CHAMPS program. It would have to be a contract between me and my parents and I want to do it legally and stay above board.
Can anyone give me thoughts or insight into how to do this?
Thanks!

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First of all you don't have to be able to afford to put your parents in a care facility. The care facility would take their monthly income and whatever that doesn't cover their assets will until they are spent-down then Medicaid starts paying. You're not responsible for their care. They are.

I would advise you to go to a lawyer who specialized in estate planning and elder law. The lawyer can draw up legal contracts stating what care you will be providing and what your pay will be. You will be working a legal job. This means you pay taxes on your wages and do everything above board. This will be your job. You need to have your parents' doctor confirm in writing the level of care they need. If it's live-in care (someone there 24/7) then the doctor must attest to this in writing. Then you go to the lawyer.

It's a lot of legwork, but not impossible. Being your parents' caregiver can be your actual job. Start with going to see their doctor.
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Birdee24 Apr 8, 2025
Thank you. Another question? The reason we didn't put mom and dad in a place with stepped care last year was that they were more independent. Mom is currently having serious mobility issues (she is a fall risk) and her short term memory is declining almost daily. I was under the impression, after my research last year, that most places in my area don't graduate them into a situation where medicaid cares for them and if they do the waiting lists are years long. You have to be able to pay out of pocket or they kick you out. Is that erroneous understanding? I'm not sure I'm being clear...
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Please consult with a Medicaid Planner for your home state to see what solutions are available and how to plan smartly for it. If your parents make too much money for Medicaid, there is such a thing as a QIT (also known as a Miller Trust) where their excess funds are sent and accumulate so that they qualify for Medicaid sooner. Then when they pass away those accumulated funds go to Medicaid to cover the cost of their care. I'm hoping you or someone competent and willing is the PoA for your parents. If not, this is another serious issue that needs to be addressed. You have a lot on your plate. Your parents need to pay for this professional consultation and preparation unless they wish to become wards of a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian who will then make all their decisions and do all the management of their affairs. A certified elder law attorney can give you guidance on how your parents can pay you with the minimum of problems and without it looking like "gifting" to Medicaid. In most states the Medicaid application's financial app has a 5-yr "look back" period, so it matters A LOT how your parents (or their PoA) manages their finances.
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Birdee24 Apr 9, 2025
thank you, I am vetting elder care lawyers tonight.

As for living will and POA, that's one reason I'm contacting the attorney. My sister is giving grief already about how I "MIGHT" use their money, and causing a stink about simple care decisions from 3000 miles away. I want to be sure she can't accuse me of coercing them to do anything.
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See an attorney for a contract. This is so that Medicaid does not see it as gifting. Remember that 3 of you will be utilizing your parents income. If one dies or requires NH with Medicaid, your income will be seriously reduced. Have you thought about if you get sick or injured on who will take care of them? Your parents can pay you if they have a contract and if both are considered of sound mind. You will have to file income taxes so as not to upset your own SS when you need it.
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