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My 94 year old MIL is in an assisted living facility and suffers terribly from delusions, paranoid behaviors, and irrational beliefs, and because of that is miserable. The family is finding it hard to be with her because she gets so upset that she has to stay and can't go home with them. It's one heartbreaking story after another with her. I just feel bad for her.


The dr at the facility said that since she's not wandering and isn't violent than they don't like to give them any medication for paranoia because it shortens their life.


I really have no idea, but this sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. I have taken anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication for a number of years and no one told me it was going to shorten my life. Also, she is not living a quality of life now, so I'm not sure why the Dr didn't consider that. We're not close and have to rely on my BIL and SIL for information.


Could someone point me in the direction of information (key topics to google) that addresses this, so I can have at least some comfort that the Dr is looking out for my MIL, or I need to convince my BIL to find another Dr. Thank you so much.

TG for the Nurses on this forum, Alva for one. I am not a nurse but this sounds like a bunch of hooey. An AL is not a prison. You have a right to get a second opinion and take Mom to a Neurologist. I would say the doctor at the AL is a GP. They know a little of everything but aren't specialists. As said its now quality over quantity.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Mother has medication for paranoia and lived to 106,. It helped her a great deal by improving her quality of life. As your grandma is 94 it seem sensible to be more concerned about quality of life rather than quantity. It was never mentioned to me by any of the doctors that attended mother that the antipsychotic would shorten her life. Look up antipsychotics and their side effects. How do BIL and SIl view this stance by the facility doctor?

I agree she should be seen by a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist.
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Reply to golden23
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Thank you, I really appreciate it.
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Reply to Lakergirl
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"...We're not close and have to rely on my BIL and SIL for information..." Your spouse should be calling his or her sibling and discussing your MIL's quality of life and getting her seen by a geriatrician who can prescribe her medications for the paranoid delusions. She is not a prisoner beholden to the facility's doctor for all her medical care, right?
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw
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As an RN I can say it sounds like hooey to me as well, Lakergirl. And to be very frank, at 94 we are down not to QUANTITY of life, but of QUALITY of wife. This MD sounds quite odd to me. As a nurse I knew a few odd ones, but not quite THIS odd, if what you say is true.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Lakergirl Jun 15, 2021
Thank you, I really appreciate your response. I'll show my husband. I feel really bad for her and I know I wouldn't want to live like that. I hope something will change.
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Ok VERY personal opinion here but....
FACTS:
MIL is 94
SUFFERS from delusions and paranoid behavior.
She is miserable.
Let us suppose that medication for the paranoia and delusions will decrease her life by 2 years. (purely theoretical)
She can live a more calm, peaceful, life for 2 years. This 2 years is more enjoyable for her and for the family so the visits are more pleasurable.
OR
No medication and she can continue to suffer with the paranoia and delusions for...how long? No one knows.

Unless the doctor can tell you how long she will live without the medication and how long she can live with medication him telling you that it will shorten her life is a meaningless statement.

I would much rather have a shorter more relaxed, calm existence than be plagued by paranoia and delusions and wish I were dead.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Lakergirl Jun 15, 2021
Thank you, that's exactly what I said to my husband. She hated me and treated me like crap, but I still feel very bad for her. No one should have to live as a prisoner in their own mind.
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I would ask the doctor for more specifics, including which meds might apply, medically verified research, etc.   He or she would be the best source, then you can follow up on the topics suggested for research.    

The issue you raise is one that might be addressed by some of the medical pros here, but since you raise the issue of finding another doctor, I would give this one a chance to explain his/her position.

Or you could just start with a basic search:

https://www.google.com/search?q=meds+for+paranoia&ei=TePIYPuMGYyztQb8vJmYCQ&oq=meds+for+paranoia&gs_lcp=Cgdnd3Mtd2l6EAMyAggAMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIFCAAQhgMyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQhgM6CAguEJECEJMCOgsILhDHARCvARCRAjoICC4QxwEQowI6CwguELEDEMcBEKMCOgIILjoFCAAQsQM6BAgAEEM6DgguELEDEMcBEKMCEJECOgUILhCRAjoFCAAQkQI6CgguEMcBEK8BEEM6BQgAEMkDOgUIABCSAzoQCC4QsQMQxwEQrwEQQxCTAjoICC4QxwEQrwE6CAgAELEDEIMBOg0ILhCxAxDHARCjAhBDOgUILhCxA1DevU9YndJPYOnTT2gAcAB4AIABmwGIAcgLkgEEMTcuMZgBAKABAaoBB2d3cy13aXrAAQE&sclient=gws-wiz&ved=0ahUKEwi75-_ylJrxAhWMWc0KHXxeBpMQ4dUDCA0&uact=5#spf=1623779657468

I didn't check the NIH files but I've found their information to be professional and well presented, even if it is often hard for a nonmedical person to understand.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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Lakergirl Jun 15, 2021
Thank you so very much. I really appreciate it.
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