Father has been in ALF now about 3 months and seems fairly content most of the time, until his brother calls and causes him to become agitated and anxious. Uncle has gone to the facility and made a scene, threatening to sue the facility for having my father in quarantine, calls Father and constantly shares his (the uncle's) latest conspiracy theory about various world events, calls and tells my father I (his trustee) am giving away all his belongings, etc etc etc. These things keep my father in a constant state of agitation. Uncle now is attempting to find someone to go get my father and take him out of ALF (and shares with father his attempts). Father is now calling attorney with all this crazy (which I'm sure will be billed at regular attorney rates). I spoke with Father about this and he didn't even remember speaking with the attorney just 24 hours prior. He does remember the crazy things his brother tells him though. Can I get some type of protection to keep uncle from harassing him into a state of frenzy? TIA
Then the problem is how to enforce it. Uncle will probably see it as part of the conspiracy, and won’t be willing to comply. The ALF may not even see him arrive (unless they have a monitored sign-in system), and they will be very unhappy to have Uncle cracking a scene in the foyer if they try to keep him out. Stopping him phoning is probably hopeless. Going to the police to ask them to prosecute for breaches – they won’t be keen, neither will the magistrate, and of course Uncle will go bananas. Cousin may too. Jailing an old man for contacting his brother peaceably is unlikely.
So, practical steps might be:
1. Contact his doctor, and see if you can get to the point where you feel you can say that this agitation is dangerous for his health. Tell Uncle, tell Cousin. Don’t make it about telling them that their conspiracy theories are crazy – in fact you could even say you agree and that is why it is all upsetting Dad so much. They need to protect him from this horrible truth! (Or some other word that won’t stick in your throat like ‘truth’)
2. Contact the attorney – a letter to attorney and a copy to the office receptionist. Repeat about the doctor. Say Dad can't remember anything about attorney calls. Also say that Dad hasn’t the funds to pay for all these calls (often hits the spot that attorney is wasting own valuable time). You want instructions for the receptionist to say the attorney is very busy and will call back when there is time. Keep copies of the letter yourself, to challenge monstrous bill in the future.
3. Tell Cousin that Uncle wants Dad to leave the ALF. You can’t provide care, and if Dad leaves he may end up living with Uncle. Is Cousin able to help Uncle with the care? Dad is no longer safe to live alone, and if APS gets involved it will be very difficult legally. This may (should) be a real motivation for Cousin.
4. Get Dad’s phone and block calls from Uncle. If you can’t grab it, ‘upgrade’ to a new phone with blocking in place.
These things are worth trying. At least they are cheap options! Good luck, Margaret
As your father didn't remember speaking to his attorney, I assume the attorney must have informed you about it. What does the attorney advise?
Uncle finally able to realize he was not helping Father's mental state. Everyone has calmed down now that quarantine has been lifted. I think the quarantine was adding to the frustration and paranoia. Right now, everyone is at peace. Thanks to all who offered advice.
The ALF already has a copy of your trusteeship documents?
You need dates and times of your uncle agitating your father. You especially need the date and time of "the scene". Most ALFs have a guest book to keep track of visitors. You need to call the director, ask for the dates and times of your uncle's visits, and share that you are preparing to take the matter to the attorney because your uncle has caused your dad significant mental distress. Once you have dates and times, correlate them with calls you received from your dad. Then you can provide the attorney with documentation and ask him to write a letter to your uncle informing him that, basically, his calls and visits to your dad are no longer welcome (legal wording of course), the ALF has been instructed to not grant him access, and if he fails to heed this warning then further legal action will be taken swiftly.
You should ask the facility for their guidance they deal with this daily, then consult an attorney. Often a telephone call or letter from Attorney will end this.
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