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I am at the end of my rope I can't do it anymore.  I know that sounds terrible but she is mean, hateful, lies and plays games. I have taken care of her for 16 years never taking a dime while my sister has taken money from her all the time. I have taken care of her longer than she took care of me, she started charging me rent at 15.

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How long has your mother been living in your home?

What are her other options?
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she has lived here for 16 years i had a guest house built for her to have her own place i have never charged her a dime 
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If your mom didn't live with you where would she live? An assisted living facility? A nursing home? With another family member?

What are the options?
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honestly i am at the point I dont care where she goes she has caused so much hurt with her lies and meanness i have no plans of contact with her once i get her out of my life i have a sister who has never done anything to help but she has no problem helping herself to my moms money i know this makes me sound like a awful person but if you knew the lies and games she has played with my life you would completely understand 
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You sound totally burned out. What you are saying doesn't make you sound terrible, just frustrated and exhausted. I think evicting someone takes some time...maybe you should talk to an attorney first. How old is your mom? It sounds like she has some money if she's helping your sister out. Can she use that for rent somewhere else? You sound like a very caring daughter. Hang in there...
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Yes, you can evict her and it does take a little time. Start the process so she knows you are serious and will start looking for somewhere else to live.
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You had a guest house built for her and she doesn't pay rent.

What sort of care do you provide for your mom? If you stopped "doing" for her, would that ease the stress at all?

Have you called APS and reported your sister's financial abuse?

Have you considered charging mom rent, starting right now?
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I do not know what state you live in....but, Google your state "landlord/tenant laws"

Typically you must give written notice of so many days. This can be as long as 3 months in some states. This is not an eviction notice. This is just a normal notice to terminate a tenancy.

If your Mom is still there on that day after the notice expires...now you decide if you want to proceed to an actual eviction. If the answer is yes...you go to the local count house and you file for evictions, ,the reason given is "hold over". You will be given a court date to appear. You pay the court costs and the cost of the court process server to serve your Mom. Go to court on the appointed day and have a judge hear your case.

You can expect life to get REALLY ugly with Mom once You begin this. But..it is the only legal way to remove her if she will not/cannot willingly go.

This may be the only way to impress on Mom that you are serious about this. Maybe sister too will "get it". 

Let me say...there might be another way....  call the police when Mom is going off on you.   Have her taken for a psych evaluation...then, do not let the hospital discharge her to your home.   You are under no obligation to take her...but they will try to pressure you like crazy.   Their social workers will find a placement for her if you refuse.  
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So I have read my state (calif) I think she would qualify as a single lodger. I think I have to basicly given written notice I want her out by said date at least 30 days if she doesnt leave she is trespassing. I will let you know how things go.
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And maybe give your lovely sis a heads up.. If she wants the money she may offer..LOL but then you are off the hook.
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You will definitely want to hire a lawyer who represents landlords in landlord / tenant disputes. This area of law differs widely from state to state; you really do need to talk to an expert.
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You must have money if you built a guest house for her and then never charged her rent. So it appears a bit of a co dependent relationship and enabling going on. I'm glad you are finally ready to set boundaries even though late in life. I hope all of this goes smoothly for you. Lots of family dynamics and dysfunction having to go through. Let us know how it goes.
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Yes, you can but is being revengeful in her old age when she needs you most is humane?
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Yes you can but it is in humane and worst thing is you will regret it so bad later. You are good at heart and spirit thats why you are caring for her now.
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Try getting guardianship; an elder lawyer can help w that because she will refuse to leave
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Tell both your mom and your sister that she (your mom) is no longer welcome in your home. Move her things into her guest house and give her the key (if you haven't already). Change the locks on your own house if you have to. If your guest house is on your own property and your mom has been staying in your home as a family member, I don't know why landlord-tenant laws would have anything to say about why you couldn't do this--if she's never paid rent or signed any kind of contract, I don't see why she has any tenant's rights, but check anyway.
I agree that you have been to some degree an enabler or codependent, but how could that be otherwise with someone who has an obligation to a parent? It is good that you are finally drawing some boundaries for yourself. I agree that things will get messy, but I hope not only for your sake, but for the sake of everyone that you stand your ground.

Your sister sounds like a real stinker. I hope she gets the message, and if she sides with your mom, then neither of them should ever be allowed inside your own home again.

The suggestion to call the police for a psych evaluation might not be a bad one either. It wouldn't hurt to have law enforcement see things YOUR way.
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Do not try to navigate this big problem without the guidance of an elder law attorney. This will save you tons of money and headache. Forget the sister - just bring all of this to an elder law attorney who can help you with the legal part of Mom, your sister with the money requests yet NO help (I get it totally about the no help part) - and they can assist you with housing choices etc. As always, the problem of mom will fall on your shoulders, so get legal help and you will feel the relief of someone sharing your problem and guiding you. Ask around for a good attorney. There are elder services that may direct you to the right one.
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How old is your mother? Can she take care of herself ?
Why doesn't your sister take since she has no problem taking her money?
If I were you I would put her in a taxi and give the driver your sister's address
if this is possible.
No one needs to be treated bad by a mother.
There is definitely something wrong going on there.
No you are not a bad person for wanting to be rid of a burden
as long she is mentally stable.
Best of luck
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If she doesn't PAY rent then she is not a tennent but a guest - so you could pack her bags & call a cab to send her to sis's place - because she doesn't pay anything she is basically a free loader therefore rent laws may not apply

You should have charged all along - maybe just add up costs of food, power, cable, phone, water/sewer & taxes but not rent for those years & itemize them as years etc if you can otherwise do a good estimate - give her the bill with 10 days to pay otherwise leave - video her while you're giving it to her as then you will be able to claim that against her estate when time comes - when/if she refuses to pay you then you can have her evicted a persona non grata
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Clueless123, you do not have a clue!!


Tiredburnedout: the sooner you act, the better for both yourself and your mother. You must get one of the lawyers - yours or your mother's - to make a practical evaluation of your mother's assets and income in order to work out a plan for how she is going to support herself for the rest of her days. In doing so you can build in a protection for her against the depredations of your sister.
Then you must set the boundaries for both your own living space and your finances: after a dated deadline (eg 30 days or whatever is mutually agreed), there has to be an enforceable either/or: so either your mother stays and pays full rent, including for common services like water supply and yard upkeep, or she packs up and leaves, paying for her own removal expenses.
If your mother leaves, whether or not your sister continues to dun her for money will no longer be your problem.
if your mother stays, you can make it a condition that no payments can be made to your sister before all rental commitments, including utility bills, yard maintenance, local taxes etc etc have been paid in full. You could even set up a joint account for this.
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I would not evict without a lawyer. You need to cover ur tail. I would tell her that with the economy the way it is, you find u need to start charging her rent. If she protests, tell her she will need to find a another place to live. If she says she can't afford it, tell her if she can afford to give moneyvto sis she can pay you. Actually, as soon as I found out money was going to sis, I would have charged her. But sounds like you want her gone. So, a lawyer to make sure everything is above board. One thing that may help is she has never paid rent. If she had, would be hard to evict.
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I agree with all those who advise you to get an attorney. The other option you have is an eviction service. There are businesses who only work for a landlord, and they evict tenants. Be prepared for h*ll, but when you pass through that valley, there is sunshine on the other side. The phys. (fooey, can't spell it) evaluation might help.

Lincoln freed the slaves, you don't have to be a slave. There is freedom somewhere. Just be sure you are doing everything legally. If you are in California, remember that babysitter who wouldn't leave? The homeowners tried to do things themselves, and it didn't work because they didn't do it legally.
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Absolutely! If she's living in your home and proves to be a problem, definitely kick her to the curb. You also mentioned she was charging you rent at 15, what is wrong with her? You were a minor and where was CPS during this? It's illegal to go into a business agreement and make contracts with minors, she broke the law and maybe it's time your story falls on the right ears. You're right to come on here and speak up
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You don't sound horrible. You sound like an Angel! Since your sister is so happy to take her money I would pack her clothes abd drop her off at your Sisters.
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If I am reading your problem correctly, the real issue isn't the Rent - it is the implorable behavior you must live with 24/7. Ignore the rent issue, deal with how to move her to Assisted Living. For those who have not dealt with the angry side of a relative with dementia, they are clueless. It is beyond what anybody can ever imagine. It is the ultimate kick in the face for taking on this huge burden - yes burden. My retirement from my difficult job has so far been spent making sure my mom (now in Memorycare) is living happily and safely in assisted living, and it still isn't easy - I call it my Full-time part-time job. Focus on moving your mother OUT to a facility who will take good care of her. For free you can get the services of a Senior Residence Advisor - She can show you the various places and make recommendations. Ask a family doctor for a name.
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You cannot evict without a cause. Non payment of rent...well, you never required rent..so you cannot use that now. Breach of the lease...well, you have no lease. Illegal activities...nope, not that either. Consistent breach of the peace...police called.....nope.

So..forget evict. She is considered a resident if she got Mail there...doesn't matter that she didn't pay rent.

Your only course is to follow the law concerning the termination of a resident. Give her notice to move. Only after she fails to move do you then have an acceptable reason to evict: "Hold-over"

You can go get a lawyer and pay a lot of money..and a lot of delays...but the process will remain the same, just you pay a bunch more.
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If your mom has dementia/alz see if you can get her doctor to put her in hospital. And then refuse to allow her back home so social worker will find a place for her. For the sister, you can contact Adult Protective Services abt that. If she has mental illness and goes on a tirade you might talk to her psychiatrist about that. Some psychiatrists will not talk to family however you can contact the Dr and tell him what is going on w her and leave it at that. In Texas the police can only take them for a psych evaluation only if they are in an immediate situation that the police officers witness that proves she is a danger to herself or others. Eviction may be the way to go it all depends on yalls situation. Brace yourself for the fallout of it all. It sounds to me that you have bent over backwards and are suffering from burnout. Seriously, no one person can be expected to do it all. And especially so in an environment of constant unrest. Remember that when people or yourself want to make you feel guilty for all these things remind yourself or others that you have done all that you can do. You've went above and beyond the call of duty.
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If you have taken care of your mom for 16 years, then a few weeks cant be that much. You've cared for her all this time, now just let her go somewhere she can be self-reliant or in the care of someone else. Parents can be difficult, I know, but you sound angry and you wouldn't want to regret it if she is not in stable surroundings. Just get her into a safe place and you will feel a load better.
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