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I am taking care of my father who has Major Depressive Disorder with Anxiety and OCD.


He also has type 2 diabetes which is uncontrolled and he may be insulin resistant.


My father needs some one to watch him on a daily/nightly basis. He is prone to falling due to severe nueropathy in both legs and feet.


During his last visit with his PCP, she said she would write a letter stating that my father needs a live-in caregiver.


I want to take the position of being my father's caregiver...who knows him better than me.


The problem is, my father lives in a 55 and older trailor park. He owns his two bedroom, two bathroom home, but rents the land to the land owner. After talking with the land owner (without the letter from the doctor), I explained what was going on with my father and that he needs a caregiver, live-in, and I would like to move into my father's home (just me, I'm not married or have any children), and take care of my father.


The land owner rejected my request and stated that he is afraid that other residents of the park may move out because I'm only 26 y/o.


But, the land owner does not know that other people that are not 55 are living in the park with out his knowledge.


My question is, once I have the doctors letter, can the land owner override a doctors request for my dad to have a caregiver?


Any information is welcomed. Thank you.

There was a case here, not the same as yours but where a person was forced to sell a condo she inherited in a over 55 building. She wanted to live in it, but the strata council said no.

The land owner is not overriding the doctor. Your Dad has other options, he can sell move into an assisted living building, move in with you etc.

Also at 26 think long and hard and read various posts here on how challenging it is to care for someone 24/7.
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At 26 years old, I would advise you not to become your father's 24/7 caregiver. If he's only 50, he could live a good long while yet and you are too young to tie yourself to that role. You're bound to have things you want to do over the next few years and being a full time caretaker would not allow that. Maybe move to a place nearby where you can drop in on him every day or spend the night occasionally if he's particularly ill. I wouldn't think the landlord could object to that. If your dad's sugar is so far out of control, maybe it's time to see an endocrinologist rather than his PCP for treatment - someone who specializes in diseases such as diabetes is bound to be able to get it under better control. With good control, he could do more for himself and wouldn't need 24/7 care. It's definitely not a good idea to make an invalid of him at only 50 years old. He needs to continue caring for himself as long as possible. If you do everything for him, he won't. Maybe seek the advice of a social worker as far as managing his care if he cannot work. A social worker may have some excellent suggestions for care programs that would be low or no-cost that your father could take advantage of.
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Bgul913 Feb 11, 2019
Thank you for your responce lablover64.
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I find your statement that your Dad is “too young” for a nursing home interesting. People often have the misconception that nursing homes are places that old people go to die. However, when my mother lived in one, there were more than a few people who were residents there. One man in particular was in his mid-forties. Younger people become residents of nursing homes because it’s medically necessary. They receive medical care from 3 shifts of trained caregivers 24/7. The staff knows what to look for and what to do if something concerning happens and because of this, a crisis can be averted.

Tothill brings up a very valid observation. Your father has a lot of serious medical issues, and while, to your credit, you did remain calm during this latest episode, with your father’s issues, I’m afraid these episodes may become more and more frequent. And, I’d be concerned about his care from his doctor. During this latest episode, it sounds like his doctor was clueless. If you are going to be your father’s sole caregiver, you need a medical support system you can count on.

Also, consider that you will be putting your life on hold for an unpredictable number of years to care for him. If you have no job skills now, it will be very difficult to obtain them if you are in your thirties or forties. In addition, if you don’t have any income for your caregiving years, you probably won’t be able to afford schooling to obtain a good paying job. You will have no health insurance and no retirement fund. You also will probably have no social life. These are all things to consider before you make the “Noble Promise” to care for your father.
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Bgul913 Feb 10, 2019
Thank you for your helpful insight to my dad's situation.
As he is still coherant now, he does not want to live in assisted living nor have a stranger move in with him or come only a few days a week to help him.
I live in CT, and my father lives in FL, I can not care for my father being so far away.
We have talked so much on this issue. I could find a job at night, when he is sleeping and be home when he is a wake.
My father also told me that if the park owner won't let me live here as my fathers caregiver, then the landowner will loose an excellent tenant. And we would move some where were I can be his caregiver.
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Dad is too young for the community because he's riding on the tails of grandmother, who has a second under 55 living with her. Then you are really pushing the limits here. It's also a bad idea for you to care for him 24/7 and give up your life. You really cannot get a job overnight when you are working 16 hours with him. He needs his own subsidized housing and Medicaid carers.
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cal02021 Feb 11, 2019
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Legally, you can be a live-in caregiver to your father. Statistically, nationwide 80% of 55+ community households have a resident under the age of 55 years-old. I have read through some of the advice on this page and wonder if some write for the sake of writing. You are better off with no advice, than bad advice. The land owner has no say in this situation, it is a 'reasonable accommodation'. He may not like it, but he has no say in the matter. Also, check your father's lease. Does it state that NO ONE under the age of 55 years can reside in the home? I would be surprised if it did. Regardless, it does not change the fact that you can be a live-in caregiver. FYI, I am a social worker employed by a housing authority.
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Bgul913 Feb 11, 2019
That you cal02021 for your response. I won't know how it will be working full time and assisting my father, if he needs help, when I get home.
My father, nor I want a stranger helping my dad. I am strong enough to take care of him when it's needed.
My father's lease does NOT state anywhere that every one living in the park must be 55 years old.
I might ask you some questions pertaining to this matter if the land owner has a problem with me being a caregiver, if you don't mind?
Thank you again.
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Wow, the land owner sounds like a charming little man.

I am sure that others have young caregivers, most over 55s don't do hands on care in home, I know there are many but from my experience they are younger. This can not be a new case scenario for the landlord. I think that you should talk to a social worker and ask for the Florida Revised Statutes that governor laws for in home care and age restrictive properties. Then when you are sure that you are within the legal boundaries, move in.

You know that you have to be a quiet tenant and not have a boyfriend with a Harley that has modified pipes blaring through the neighborhood 😎, that is the biggest concern for these places, peace and quiet with a sense of security. My point being you don't want to give the landlord any justifiable reason to evict your dad.

If you have never been a 24/7 caregiver, can I recommend that you try to do what you plan for a week or two, do your thing for dad, then go some place and be busy for 8 hours, come home and do it again. It is not as easy as it sounds, I would hate for you to find out to late that you can't live with the plan and then you feel stuck and angry.

I hope it works out for you and your dad.
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Bgul913 Feb 11, 2019
Thank you for your positive responce isthisrealyreal. Yes, the property owner is a piece of work, you can ask any one in the park. His reputation is what he says goes, even if it's against his rules and regulations.
There are other caregivers in the park, but none that I have been able to talk to.
I am a quiet person like my father. We both enjoy being home putsing around the house or garden.
I have been taking care of my dad since November of last year. I should say that my father does everything that he can by himself. He has trouble with house cleaning and grocery shopping. It's not like my father can't do anything for himself, it's just that I worry very much about him. And I want to be here if anything happens to him.
We received the caregiver letter from my father's doctors office today. My father plans on sending a copy to the land owner and see what he says, this time.
I'll keep you posted.
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Suggest you review your Dad's lease carefully. There should be some provisions for guests and others moving into the home. Since you will be living there in a caregiver role, I doubt the 55 age requirement can be applied. Make sure you have a caregiver contract that documents your "caregiver" status. Take the caregiver contract and lease contract with the doctor's letter to an attorney and ask his opinion. Local attorneys provide a couple of free clinics here monthly (one sponsored by the area counsel on aging).

If there are other under 55 living in the park currently, I would encourage you to document them. If it comes to it, you might be able to use selective enforcement as a defense against eviction.

Although your father does have the option of moving his home, this might be considered an undue burden since it would cost at least $20,000. You might consider getting an estimate to have if you ever need to defend yourself and your father from eviction.
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Bgul913 Feb 10, 2019
Thank you for your responce. I will heed the advice of an Attorney. I'll keep you posted of his/her responce.
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Hi, you are to be commended for wanting to care for your very ill father.
The problem that I see is that you are a 26-year old woman wanting to move in full time into a 55+ community to do so. These retirement communities have regulations for a reason. Other people in the community will see you coming and going, and they won't know what your relationship is to your father. They may well assume that you are his girlfriend. They will think, Well, if that old guy can have a live-in girlfriend, then I can, too! Only their gf may have a child, or two or three. And then suddenly it's not a 55+ community any more, where people have come to live for peace and quiet in their retirement years. It's just a normal, noisy neighborhood.
So the neighborhood board is probably going to be sympathetic to your dad's needs, but unable to accommodate them. You and he will have to make other arrangements to meet his health needs. Sell the house and buy another in a neighborhood without restrictions, or move into an apartment; move him into a nursing home where he can benefit from round-the-clock professional health care and you can visit any time; or consider some of the other options suggested here. My advice to you, dear, is to do what you can to provide as well as you can for your father's care, but do not allow his poor health to swallow up your life.
I wish you well, my dear, and your father as well.
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Bgul913 Feb 11, 2019
Hi DesertGrl53. Thank you for your response. The one thing that I have noticed staying with my father in the some-what called 55 and over + is that most residence can't refrain to their own lives and Must be knowing what's going on with everyone else's lives. They must have too much time on their hands.
I'm not trying to be rude, but what goes on with my father is no ones concern but his.
I am my father's son. I am not female so I don't think Mrs. Smith down the road will think he has a girlfriend.
As I have stated in other posts, is that my father IS able to stay in his own home. He does not need to be in assisted living.
We both, my father and I, want me to live here just incase there is a problem, I can call 911 and if he's admitted to the hospital, I'm here to take care of the cats, etc.
My father lives in a very small park and everyone that knows him, invites us over for dinner, play cards or have a movie night.
Although I am only 26, I am very respectful, friendly and have made several friends. Friends that are helping my father with my birthday party next week.
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The owner may have to allow you to live with your father as a care taker as a areasonable accommodation for disability under the fair housing act.

Sample request letters: https://www.mainelse.org/sites/default/files/DRCSampleLetters.pdf

QUOTE: t is a violation of the Fair Housing Act for any person to refuse to make a reasonable accommodation in rules, policies, practices, or services, when such accommodations may be necessary to afford a handicapped person equal opportunity to use and enjoy a dwelling unit, including public and common use areas.107 This means that the manager of an apartment complex must allow an exception to a rule or policy if it would afford a disabled tenant an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. An accommodation that permits disabled tenants to experience the full benefit of tenancy must be made unless the accommodation imposes an undue financial or administrative burden on a housing provider or requires a fundamental alteration in the nature of its program.108 

With regard to a disabled tenant or disabled applicant’s reasonable accommodation request, the owner or manager of the apartment complex can request verification that the tenant or applicant is disabled and needs the requested accommodation to use and enjoy the apartment or community. However, the owner or manager cannot request information about the nature, extent, or severity of a person’s disability. Furthermore, if after a disabled tenant makes a reasonable accommodation request, the housing provider delays responding to the request, after a reasonable amount of time, that delay may be construed as a failure to provide a reasonable accommodation.

EXAMPLE# 1:
A blind person who utilizes a guide dog applies to rent a one bedroom unit at an apartment complex. The apartment complex has a “no pets” policy, but the blind applicant qualifies for the one bedroom unit. Without the guide dog, the blind person would not have an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. Therefore, the owner or manager of the apartment complex must make an exception to the “no pets” policy and allow the blind person to live in the apartment with the guide dog.

NOTE:
The owner or manager of the apartment complex would also have to waive the “no pets” policy for a disabled applicant that has a different type of service animal or support animal. Service animal means any guide dog, signal dog, or other animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including, but not limited to, guiding individuals with impaired vision, alerting individuals with impaired hearing to intruders or sounds, providing minimal protection or rescue work, pulling a wheelchair, or fetching dropped items.109 A support animal means any animal that provides a therapeutic or psychological aid to a person, due to their disability.

http://www.accessiblehousing.org/rights/accommodations.asp
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GraceNBCC Feb 12, 2019
Thank you for staying the statute for us! Very helpful. Some of my neighbors think my service dog should not be allowed in the community room, and freak if she is in the kitchen of the community room. They make me push to document every little thing.

Now doctors offices are asking for "papers" to prove that she is a service dog. Disabled persons only need "papers" for flying and train Transportation... different law.

For those who are curious, the doctors letter says I have multiple medical conditions for which I would benefit from a service dog. The Vet letter says she is of the proper temperament to be a service dog. That is it.
I carry cards that say, I am a Service Dog,
You may ask my owner.....
You may not ask my owner....
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I was in the same boat as you, I mean EXACT..no husband no kids nothing...except it was for my mother. They rejected my letter as well.
First of all I am appalled at all the answers given here.
MsRandall is the ONLY person on this page that has it right (I only went down as far as her). IT IS THE LAW!!! It’s called reasonable accommodation and it is a federal law. The landlord HAS TO ALLOW YOU TO BE THERE!! You could be 18yrs old and live there taking care of your father. You could also sue them if they don’t let you be there. That place your father lives in is clearly not educated about the law...don’t worry, it happened to me too. If you are having problems, you contact the Florida Commission on Human Relations - that’s what I did and I won. Website: http://fchr.state.fl.us. This is all a part of the Florida Fair Housing Act. Their # 1-800-342-8170. Also, not only was I able to take care of my mother, this is also a no pet community and I won that issue as well. My cat is here as an ESA (emotional support animal). They can’t play around with that either. If you need to contact me, do so.
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Bgul913 Feb 12, 2019
Thank you so much for the positive responce Heidindsrespit1. I will keep you in mind if I need help. Thanks again 😄
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