Can I care for my father in a 55+ park?

It’s wonderful that you have a great relationship with your father and you want to live with and help him. I bet he is thrilled to have you around.

Check this out for more information:
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/are-we-being-discriminated-against-if-we-cant-buy-home-senior-community.html

As long as you don’t violate the norms of the community, and your behavior is respectful and consistent with reasonable expectations for a 55+ community, there may not be any problems. Make sure your dad pays his rent on time. Be discreet and be thoughtful to the neighbors. Let your Dad pick up the mail and present yourself as “visiting.”

If there ever becomes an issue, you will have plenty of time to move because the laws of eviction are very expensive and time-consuming to enforce and generally favorable to the tenant.

Bgul913: You're very welcome!

I have a legal background and I looked up “ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) reasonable accommodations over 55 community”. It sounds like your situation would covered. It’s a ‘reasonable accommodation’ by the park. That is, it’s not much of a ‘burden’ to the park financially or otherwise. The ADA is federal law sonapplies to all states.

You’ll need the letter from his doc. The manager may likely not know about this law. Your local Legal Aid should be able to make a call to straighten out the confusion (they are free and exist in most communities/counties.). They can also help with the wording in the letter from the doc. There are plentiful Senior Housing legal guides published on the internet.

Best of luck. (:

I was in the same situation when I first moved in with my Aunt. They had to have a letter from the Doctor stating she needed someone to stay with her. I was not yet 55 years old.

The park's main concern is that you not having wild parties on the premises and disturbing the other residents.

Bgul913: Good luck to you then! Prayers sent.

Bgul -thank you for the clarification. I gather you have not sent much time with your father recently.

2 concerns

1) A pattern we see here is people who take on care giving a parent they have been distant from, and with whom they now hope to finally establish a good and close relationship. In the greatest number of instances it doesn't work. There are reasons why parent and child are not close and those reasons still exist and make forming a close relationship extremely difficult at this stage.

2) the stress/effort of care giving increase in an insidious way, so that c/gs find them selves overwhelmed and not knowing how to better,the situation and. the senior resists changes which leads to conflict. You say you will know what will be the best thing for your father and I am not doubting that. But he may not agree with you. At the same time will you know what is best for you? Just some things to think about.

That being said, I wish you and your father all the best in the coming years. He is very fortunate to have a son who cares so much for him.

Bgul, now that I have finished my meal of humble pie ... or rather foot-in-mouth with gravy... I would like to rejoin the discussion, if I may. I don't know the laws in your state (or any state, for that matter!) in regard to your question so I can't speak in regard to that ... your question being, can the landlord override the doctor's request for your dad to have a care giver... but I did want to do what everyone else here seems to be doing, and weigh in on another matter, which is, SHOULD you dedicate your life, at this age, to caring for your Dad?
The general, though gentle consensus seems to be that no, you shouldn't. Well, first of all please let me say that it is not my call, nor anybody's, as to what you should or shouldn't do with your life. You're an adult and fully qualified to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. Having said that, however, I would like to say that I find your dedication to your father both admirable and commendable, and I think he is beyond blessed to have a son like you. You and he must have an amazing relationship, for you to want to commit yourself to his care in this way, and for that you are both indeed fortunate.
I have no doubt that you will follow your heart in doing what you feel is right by your Dad, and count not the cost. It is my prayer that all obstacles may be removed and you may get about the process of caring for your Dad in a quick and timely manner if you have not already done so. God bless you both!

I don't think people doubt that your dad can do things for himself now, The concern is for the future -5 to 10 years down the road. With uncontrolled diabetes he may well develop other diseases, including dementia, that require more and more care. Meanwhile you are not developing a life of your own as would be normal for someone your age, but having more and more demands on you due to your father's health issues. Many here are experiencing the stress of the demands of care giving a senior as their diseases and dependency progress.

My concern is that you are not being fair to yourself. There may be some benefit to you, in the short term, to live with your father and reduce your expenses, as well as helping someone you care for, But, in the long term you may find it is taking too much of your life. Now you can work. Likely, eventually, he will need 24/7 care. What then? You still need an income and the benefits that go with it.

While I commend you for wanting to do this, are you thinking of the long term effects?

Bgul913, I commend you for loving and caring for your dad. He is a lucky man and you are obviously a wonderful son. That said, I think you need to consider your own needs a bit more. Your dad could live for years. Indeed, I'm sure you hope he does.

BUT, although you are young and energetic now, in a few years you will be in your thirties and not quite so energetic. It's one thing as a 26 year old to work nights, and then possibly be up during the day some of the time; to pull an "all-nighter" as I myself occasionally did back in the day, but trust me that won't work in your thirties. Only at the cost of your health.

In fact, working the night shift by itself is a known risk factor for becoming obese, depressed and diabetic.

What is your health like currently? Do you know if you are at any risk of developing Type 2 diabetes yourself? Have you had your fasting glucose tested recently? Is your BMI in the healthy range? Here is an online calculator:

www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

Or, alternatively, is your waist less than half your height?

No need to answer these questions, just something to consider. You don't want to wind up with some of your poor dad's problems.

I was in the same boat as you, I mean EXACT..no husband no kids nothing...except it was for my mother. They rejected my letter as well.
First of all I am appalled at all the answers given here.
MsRandall is the ONLY person on this page that has it right (I only went down as far as her). IT IS THE LAW!!! It’s called reasonable accommodation and it is a federal law. The landlord HAS TO ALLOW YOU TO BE THERE!! You could be 18yrs old and live there taking care of your father. You could also sue them if they don’t let you be there. That place your father lives in is clearly not educated about the law...don’t worry, it happened to me too. If you are having problems, you contact the Florida Commission on Human Relations - that’s what I did and I won. Website: http://fchr.state.fl.us. This is all a part of the Florida Fair Housing Act. Their # 1-800-342-8170. Also, not only was I able to take care of my mother, this is also a no pet community and I won that issue as well. My cat is here as an ESA (emotional support animal). They can’t play around with that either. If you need to contact me, do so.

The people who set up these communities do so for a reason - people like them. Why do you want to impose your will on the property owner and the community? If you want to be your father's full-time caretaker, then move to a place where you can do that. And I agree with other comments here. That is not something a 26-year-old should consider. You should have a life of your own.

I live in an "over 55" community. There are no restrictions on the age of a necessary live-in caregiver. We also can have pets. We own the house, rent the land. However, sure communities vary and you need to check the agreement/contract your Dad signed. Due to previous experience with another over 55 community, I made sure this one allowed my pets and should I need a caregiver, that was also allowed. So glad I had bad experience with another community. Thankful I didn't buy into that one! As I said communities vary.

I sent you a private message.

Get your dad to write up a 'hiring' agreement with money for you, days off etc then you can come in as a 'temporary' employee - do not have your mail go there even if you have to rent a mail box because if you don't get mail there but another place then you are not 'living' there but working there 'temporarily' - therefore you DO NOT NEED PERMISSION to be with your dad - have your dad pay into social security, taxes etc for you so that you start getting your own money for your retirement in place

Also go away for a few days & hire someone to cover for you once in a while once your dad is stable - this will show that 24/7 care is needed & the break will be good for you too -

Find an attorney and figure out what FL law says. If it is allowable have the attorney write the landlord and be done with it.
Great luck with the caregiving. I am sure your dad will enjoy having you there!

I they a copy of the lease and read it!! It might stipulate that if a Tennant needs a higher level of care, they must move to assisted living.
Since it is a land lease, I believe this gives the landlord fewer rights. Contact HUD and ask if this is Discrimination due to his disability. If you hired an outside Home Care Company, they would not be able to guarantee their workers are over 55.
Also speak to an Elder Care Attorney, who is familiar with 55+ Real Estate Complexes.

I would also think about getting your CNA or LPN. You can get an LPN in one year. You would need to pay for outside help till you get certified, but credentials help keep the landlord from saying you are just looking for free rent.

I know my 55+ apartment gave me a hard time about not going to a nursing home after an illness last year. Since my hospital admissions were for observation, Medicaid would not pay for services.

My son can come for a week, or even 6 weeks if he was available, while I recover, but he is not moving in. Again, get the lease. What does it say about illness and inability to maintain independent living. Call Center on Aging and HUD....my apartment got tax credits for 10-20 years to build this complex. So they have Government Regs they have to abide by.
I had a friend who was herself disabled, and under 55. Because of her disability status she could be the paid caretaker for her Mom.
Lots of variables. Don't count on landlord worries about people moving out...that is not a legal basis for a denial. Might be handy to get that excuse in writing!

See, the lease might say he has to move out do to health, and no one can move in to give 24 hour care. Write him a note saying you just want to clarify your understanding of the discussion. That dad can have 24 hour care and stay, but care provider has to be over 55, because people bought in expecting there to be only 55+ people there, and that they may move out if young people move in, that he sees it as unfair to your dad's neighbors.

Don't include his mental health diagnosis. It is a valid need for help, but this guy does not seem to know the law, and will look for an excuse to get him to move. I also doubt he would protect his confidentiality!

The only case law I know of was a family where their children were killed, and they became guardians of the grandkids. They were forced to sell. Don't know if it got reversed in higher court. That happened in Huntley IL, if you want to research it.

Have the Doctor State on the Paper that you are Dad's Caregiver and that a Caregiver has no Set Age, maybe this will Calm his Rage.
If even the Doctor were to Send someone over who was a Caregiver of 25, What then? Just ridiculous.

I don’t think his landlord will go for your proposal. I don’t think the landlord is required to. Your father is free to move.

Your father is already living there at age 50, vs those who are truly > 55. 50 is not old.

What exactly does his PCP letter say? What kind of care is specifically described in the letter?

If your father is asked to vacate, what will he do? Are you both prepared to legally defend your father’s already precarious position of being 50 in a 55+ community? Doesn’t matter who else does what there...

The trailer park is not government subsidized, is it? Thus it’s private property. The landlord doesn’t have to oblige by government rules. He can say no.

Your father may need more supervision and a change to that level of care may be more appropriate. I am a nurse & care for many brittle diabetics and perhaps they should not live alone. But your father is not current living in an environment that supports that, and even you can’t be with him 24/7. What happens when his condition gets worse?

I understand his and your needs but am not sure you can win this battle.

The owner may have to allow you to live with your father as a care taker as a areasonable accommodation for disability under the fair housing act.

Sample request letters: https://www.mainelse.org/sites/default/files/DRCSampleLetters.pdf

QUOTE: t is a violation of the Fair Housing Act for any person to refuse to make a reasonable accommodation in rules, policies, practices, or services, when such accommodations may be necessary to afford a handicapped person equal opportunity to use and enjoy a dwelling unit, including public and common use areas.107 This means that the manager of an apartment complex must allow an exception to a rule or policy if it would afford a disabled tenant an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. An accommodation that permits disabled tenants to experience the full benefit of tenancy must be made unless the accommodation imposes an undue financial or administrative burden on a housing provider or requires a fundamental alteration in the nature of its program.108 

With regard to a disabled tenant or disabled applicant’s reasonable accommodation request, the owner or manager of the apartment complex can request verification that the tenant or applicant is disabled and needs the requested accommodation to use and enjoy the apartment or community. However, the owner or manager cannot request information about the nature, extent, or severity of a person’s disability. Furthermore, if after a disabled tenant makes a reasonable accommodation request, the housing provider delays responding to the request, after a reasonable amount of time, that delay may be construed as a failure to provide a reasonable accommodation.

EXAMPLE# 1:
A blind person who utilizes a guide dog applies to rent a one bedroom unit at an apartment complex. The apartment complex has a “no pets” policy, but the blind applicant qualifies for the one bedroom unit. Without the guide dog, the blind person would not have an equal opportunity to use and enjoy an apartment at the complex. Therefore, the owner or manager of the apartment complex must make an exception to the “no pets” policy and allow the blind person to live in the apartment with the guide dog.

NOTE:
The owner or manager of the apartment complex would also have to waive the “no pets” policy for a disabled applicant that has a different type of service animal or support animal. Service animal means any guide dog, signal dog, or other animal individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including, but not limited to, guiding individuals with impaired vision, alerting individuals with impaired hearing to intruders or sounds, providing minimal protection or rescue work, pulling a wheelchair, or fetching dropped items.109 A support animal means any animal that provides a therapeutic or psychological aid to a person, due to their disability.

http://www.accessiblehousing.org/rights/accommodations.asp

My cousin had to care for his elderly mother, my aunt. He had to file a doctor's note and there was some kind of a form that he had to fill out. Maybe you could look into the elder care situation in your state. There must be something. I am probably being redundant of what others have said, but I saw it work in my own family. Interestingly enough, he was in his mid 40s when this started. She is now 97 and he is late 50s, so he could live there on his own now when she passes, if he were to want to. Good luck.

Well that is good news.

If you have been there since November and the landlord hasn't tried to run you off yet, i would say he is covering his back side by telling you no when it is already happening. This way if something happens he can say he said no.

Some people are screwy that way. He sounds like he keeps things all confused so he can't get nailed for discrimination, if you allow one, you can't stop anyone it would be discrimination.

I hope that your dad never needs you (for anything other then cleaning and shopping)and you guys can enjoy your time together with no emergencies.

I don't know if there is any way to force the issue. My mother lived in senior apartments and had we desired it, I could have moved in to be her caregiver. But I don't know what was the law vs. what was simply a policy of management at that building. That said, I also understand the landlord's concern-- a problem at my mom's building was adult children of residents who moved in "just for a little while" (sometimes with spouses and/or their own kids in tow) but never moved out-- at least one I knew of refused to leave despite his mother telling him to! That's a difficult situation.

Oh my goodness, Bgul913, I am beyond embarrassed! Please forgive me for assuming you are female! There is nothing I can say that will make me look less idiotic right now, so I will just excuse myself and go look up a good recipe for gravy to go with this serving of foot.
I wish you and your Dad all the best. 🤗

YES you can move in and be his caregiver, at least in California you can. The letter from his doctor should be fine for the owner or manager of said senior housing.

Wow, the land owner sounds like a charming little man.

I am sure that others have young caregivers, most over 55s don't do hands on care in home, I know there are many but from my experience they are younger. This can not be a new case scenario for the landlord. I think that you should talk to a social worker and ask for the Florida Revised Statutes that governor laws for in home care and age restrictive properties. Then when you are sure that you are within the legal boundaries, move in.

You know that you have to be a quiet tenant and not have a boyfriend with a Harley that has modified pipes blaring through the neighborhood 😎, that is the biggest concern for these places, peace and quiet with a sense of security. My point being you don't want to give the landlord any justifiable reason to evict your dad.

If you have never been a 24/7 caregiver, can I recommend that you try to do what you plan for a week or two, do your thing for dad, then go some place and be busy for 8 hours, come home and do it again. It is not as easy as it sounds, I would hate for you to find out to late that you can't live with the plan and then you feel stuck and angry.

I hope it works out for you and your dad.

Legally, you can be a live-in caregiver to your father. Statistically, nationwide 80% of 55+ community households have a resident under the age of 55 years-old. I have read through some of the advice on this page and wonder if some write for the sake of writing. You are better off with no advice, than bad advice. The land owner has no say in this situation, it is a 'reasonable accommodation'. He may not like it, but he has no say in the matter. Also, check your father's lease. Does it state that NO ONE under the age of 55 years can reside in the home? I would be surprised if it did. Regardless, it does not change the fact that you can be a live-in caregiver. FYI, I am a social worker employed by a housing authority.

Hi, you are to be commended for wanting to care for your very ill father.
The problem that I see is that you are a 26-year old woman wanting to move in full time into a 55+ community to do so. These retirement communities have regulations for a reason. Other people in the community will see you coming and going, and they won't know what your relationship is to your father. They may well assume that you are his girlfriend. They will think, Well, if that old guy can have a live-in girlfriend, then I can, too! Only their gf may have a child, or two or three. And then suddenly it's not a 55+ community any more, where people have come to live for peace and quiet in their retirement years. It's just a normal, noisy neighborhood.
So the neighborhood board is probably going to be sympathetic to your dad's needs, but unable to accommodate them. You and he will have to make other arrangements to meet his health needs. Sell the house and buy another in a neighborhood without restrictions, or move into an apartment; move him into a nursing home where he can benefit from round-the-clock professional health care and you can visit any time; or consider some of the other options suggested here. My advice to you, dear, is to do what you can to provide as well as you can for your father's care, but do not allow his poor health to swallow up your life.
I wish you well, my dear, and your father as well.

At 26 years old, I would advise you not to become your father's 24/7 caregiver. If he's only 50, he could live a good long while yet and you are too young to tie yourself to that role. You're bound to have things you want to do over the next few years and being a full time caretaker would not allow that. Maybe move to a place nearby where you can drop in on him every day or spend the night occasionally if he's particularly ill. I wouldn't think the landlord could object to that. If your dad's sugar is so far out of control, maybe it's time to see an endocrinologist rather than his PCP for treatment - someone who specializes in diseases such as diabetes is bound to be able to get it under better control. With good control, he could do more for himself and wouldn't need 24/7 care. It's definitely not a good idea to make an invalid of him at only 50 years old. He needs to continue caring for himself as long as possible. If you do everything for him, he won't. Maybe seek the advice of a social worker as far as managing his care if he cannot work. A social worker may have some excellent suggestions for care programs that would be low or no-cost that your father could take advantage of.

Bottom line is dad needs to move. It's not right to try to force a whole community to change their rules because you want them to. Move dad's mobile home to another park without restrictions. He will be fine.