Follow
Share

I am executor of my friend's estate. He is like a father to me and I have cared for him and helped him for years but we are not blood related. Anyway, my friend's adult son is almost in his 40's and still lives with his dad and does not work or help with anything. My friend does have a will naming me as executor and his son as one of the beneficiaries. He does not have much money and we will be lucky if the equity from the sell of his house covers his final expenses. I will be out of pocket these expenses until the house is sold and I can get reimbursed.


I am worried that the son will drag this out. Not move out of the house, etc. I know there are ways to fight this in court but is there a clause that my friend can include in his will to give a deadline for his son to move out and for the house to be on the market? Or anything similar that will provide clarification and a timeline?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
If the will is already done, to change it will require a codicil to be drawn up. Which means the atty who did the original will, or whomever has taken over the practice, needs to review & do the new paperwork with your friend, have a face-2-face, signatures, notary etc. Codicils happen a lot….. beneficiary’s die, assets get sold, so what’s in the old will has changed & a codicil drawn up to solve those hiccups.
BUT
what I’d be concerned about is if doing a codicils will actually start a hornets nest from the layabout son as to his not liking your involvement in his dads life now and in his life in the future as your the Executor.
SO….. personally I wouldn’t change anything; I’d leave it all exactly as the will states and then go Alva’s route and decline the appointment of you as executor. You do NOT have to be Executor.

If the old fellow knows Sonny is beyond problematic, that you’ve agreed to be his Executor, this probably gives him a real sense of relief & calm. He doesn’t need to know that you’ll decline it when that eventuality happens. That you right now in 2021 know that there’s nothing but debts, no preneed done and house that will likely be a difficult sale due to Sonny’s presence and (I’ll bet) decades of delayed maintenance, is really really beyond fortunate.

There have been countless posts of this site from a family member or family friend who were named Executor in a Will, & they go ahead and do it… they hire a probate attorney, get Letters Testamentary naming them & deal with banking changes, etc…. and quickly find out that it’s all negative, all debts & thier getting the debt collector calls, the house has major repairs that Realtors want done to make it “market ready”, that the neighbors who were ok on the house while the elder was alive now are free to vent about all the crap at the house and your getting those calls….

You already know “Someone” aka you is going to need to front $ to get things started. Cremation 3k, probate atty 3-8k, property costs (taxes, insurance, utilities) for at least a year as Sonny probably doesn’t pay a penny. Unless the elder has a life insurance policy naming you sole beneficiary &/or a bank account POD to you, that combined around 10k, it going to be on all you as Executor to cover & front all $, & hopefully house sells asap (& for beyond all tally of debts); you settle debts of the Estate, you are able to be reimbursed and paid an Executor fee and the balance distributed to the beneficiaries. Lots of your $ & time.

So you decline to be named. The Son probably will be appointed by the court to be “Dependent Administrator” of his dads estate. So all actions are court supervised. If there other kids from either the dad or the moms marriages, court will probably want a lineal heirship done to establish heirs and 1 of them becomes the Dependent Administrator. Your not blood so entirely out of this process. There are ways for probate court to deal with all this. And lots of states have timeframes on by when dates for probate to open & close out.

If your still waffling on all this, if he has at all been on any Medicaid programs since he was 55, even community based ones, Medicaid (MERP) is required to attempt a recoup of their costs paid from his Estate. And if he is at all delinquent on property taxes, it will have gone up for annual tax sale & possibly tax sale redemption. Both can be dealt with but a maze of paperwork. Often folks have no idea these are lurking in the background on settling an Estate.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

To be frank I would not serve in this capacity. When your friend is dead, if the son is still in the house and looks to be problematic I would leave the settlement of this "non-estate" in the hands of the state. It would simply mean going to court and saying you are unwilling and unable to serve as executor. This will mean appointment of an executor. Sounds as though you are correct. This small estate will be eaten up by the fees you would have to pay for a much NEEDED Trust and Estate Lawyer, and by any delays or counter suits by the son.
You might consider speaking with your friend NOW about your concerns, and explaining why you do not wish to serve. Why not tell him to appoint this son who he apparently likes well enough to have in his home and who realistically is now or will be his caregiver.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
Saunders22 Nov 2021
Agreed. We have had that conversation many times about getting his son on his feet now and having those hard talks with him now instead of waiting and making me do it for him later after he is gone. The son is no caregiver and cant take care of himself even..stays in his room all day doing nothing. I will keep pushing him to talk to his son now or i might have to rethink my position in it all and how much drama/family mess I am willing to be in the middle of.
(5)
Report
See 1 more reply
In what health condition is your friend? Is the son mentally or physically disabled in some way which causes him not to be able to cope with life?

Your father figure friend should step up to help his own son if it’s the last thing he can do. That’s what a responsible father should do. If the son is really disabled, your friend should try to get the son in some government programs to receive help so he won’t be out on the cold street once his father goes to warm heaven. If he’s just lazy and never learns to stand on his own feet which means your friend has enabled his son all his life, then it’s time to use tough love approach to help him.

What your friend wants to do now is dumping the consequences of his parental failures on your lap to deal with after he’s gone. He has abdicated his responsibility as a parent.

If you want to help, then help him help his son to be on his own now.

Taking on the responsibility for his will is a really bad idea. Don’t do it.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
Katefalc Nov 2021
Agreed
(2)
Report
My dad’s will stated that his house was to be sold as soon as possible after his death and that no relative could live there
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

I so agree with Igloo that if it will bring peace to his heart then there is nothing you need do now. Involving yourself in the complicated relationship of this gentleman and his live-in son will cause him great pain and result in nothing good for him or for you. He already knows his son is very unlikely to change. There is no real estate to worry about here and the son can cause any executor great grief by simply suing and tying things up. Just await nature taking its course, and then resign as the executor; let the state handle it.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Nothing should be out of YOUR pocket. It should all come from the estate when the house is sold and should be clearly stated in the will that nothing comes from YOUR pocket. I’d get in touch with a good elder lawyer and have it set up now that the son has to pay his fathers final expenses with HIS inheritance. Why should YOU be paying anything for a non blood…non relative??
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
igloo572 Nov 2021
“it should all come from the estate when house is sold”
Sounds great, problem is this is not realistic.
If there is no $, no reliable income via an asset owned by & within the Estate (in probate) for the Executor to draw from, then it’s going to fall to Executor to pay estates expenses until house sells. Hopefully the house sells for way beyond all the claims against the estate and all property costs and Act of Sale / Realtor costs so that the Executor is able to get a fee. But no guarantee 2 happen.

Utilities fully expect to be paid, if not, they will be shut off.
Tax collector expects to get paid, if not, property goes delinquent w/significant interest & possibly up for annual tax sale.
Insurance needs to be paid, if not, house becomes uninsured.
Should a fire happen, & it’s uninsured, the beneficiaries -as per will- can seek restitution from Executor for loss of anticipated inheritance (their % distribution), basically Heirs sue Executor.
For more fun in this, there seems to b heirs / beneficiaries beyond the son. If others are themselves expecting $$$ inheritance, OP will have to deal with all their noise & nonsense as well.

The OP (Saunders) already knows their friend has debt, has a home w/little equity and has a son living in the home who does NOT contribute financially and does NOT work. & OP has the vibe that the son likely to be difficult to move out of the home & not all kumbaya on them being the Executor.

OP cannot ask an elder law attorney to draw up or do anything.
It would HAVE TO be the old man who asks for this to be done and the old fellow has to be willing to sit at attorney office on his own & without prodding by OP to do any changes to his POA or his will. Ditto for old man’s banking or life insurance beneficiaries. If old man won’t, there is nothing absolutely nothing the OP can do about it. The only thing Saunders has control over is the ability to decline to be the Executor (or resign as a POA). Even if Saunders tell the old man now that he will not serve as Executor, the old man can still leave it written in his will that Saunders is his choice as Executor. OP can’t force a codicil to the will, or make Sonny pay for anything now or after his dad dies.

Situation is a tar baby, & you don’t want to be Br’ er Rabbit.
(3)
Report
This is really an issue that should be addressed by a estate planning and/or elder attorney.    You could risk being accused of improper estate management by the son.   I would try to find an attorney who's experienced in contested wills or probate.  

And obviously don't mention this concern in front of the son, as it would give him grounds (in his own mind) to challenge you, either personally or legally.

Do this "by the book."
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Katefalc Nov 2021
And do it NOW. Attorney fees are expensive…. Have HIM contact the lawyer who set it up so you aren’t paying his attorney fees. Just be honest and tell him you thought about it and know it’s gonna get messy and you don’t want to be involved with his son
(7)
Report
I have ended up being the executor for three trusts, and they were very carefully drawn out. It was STILL difficult. My mother's was one, a married couple (family friends) were the other two. I would not do it again, and yes, I got the fees. It was not worth the money. (Actually we are in the fourth YEAR because the husband had a SPIA annuity that became "set in stone" upon his death. The fifth and final payout was this May and so after filing taxes for this year I can finally finish writing the checks -- I did distribute the bulk of the estate already because it was only fair.) But I would NEVER agree to helping in a low-value estate where I would have to be paying out of pocket with the *possibility* of being paid back
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
igloo572 Nov 2021
Out of curiosity, did the Hubs do the SPIA to enable his wife to be able to qualify for Medicaid? Like too many joint assets so he moved a huge chunk to become his annuity & voila! she’s ok for Medicaid. SPIA if your state allows them, imo, are actually good legit Medicaid planning but you gotta outlive the annuity, you need to be somewhat younger. I hate, hate, hate annuities as imo there’s lots of deliberate misunderstandings in their “sell”. But a SPIA is a really special creature that can make Medicaid eligibility happen for 1 and have the other retain assets.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
This is a really bad and rather odd situation. I think a lawyer will have to be involved in order for a clause and a deadline to be included in the will.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My situation had a few similarities and my dad's lawyer included a clause meant to make sure I was not out of pocket; perhaps this will be relevant.

'It is my wish that my daughter, _____, be reimbursed for any expenses she may incur relating to my estate, included but not limited to travel and accommodation expenses should any such expenses exceed executors expenses to which she is entitled.'

You see, I live in the US and Dad was in Canada (obviously during Covid the cost of quarantining in order to visit him was very expensive) He was also not a man of means. At 93 much of the estate had already gone to paying his and my mom's expenses so he wanted to make sure I didn't have to rely on the decency of brother's that lived 2 hours away and didn't visit for the last 18 months of his life.

Hope this is helpful
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Pressurized Nov 2021
The trouble is that if the money isn't there he will be out of pocket. We can write all the clauses we like, but if the money isn't there, it just isn't.
(3)
Report
See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter