Can caretakers get married?

Hi Elena. I think it is very noble that you say you don't ever want to put Mom in a home but I would also say don't limit your thinking too much. There are really times when a NH or AL place is the better option for an elder. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever but I find it good to keep your options open and do research. I worry that some people get so intent on keeping their loved ones with them that they are unintentionally harming them. Not that you would do that. Just, well, it is good to know all the options IMO.

As for getting married. Sure, why not? OK-yeah--I know it is probably harder to get out but you actually have a sibling helping you so that is great! Do you and your brother get along well? Is he dating anyone? Do you guys talk about what would happen we one to find a spouse? I imagine with the three of you living together you have a routine going tht would change if one of you gets married. IN FACT-sheesh- why didn't I think of this right away--one of my very best friend's lived with her Mom and Dad who were very sick and she got married. Her husband moved in with her parents and her----big house-made handicapp accessible with floors leveled out, counter tops lowered, jacuzzi tub, stair lift( the Mom had been ailing since she was around 50)-even a decking system from the house to a pool. New husband moved in and became such a big help. Helped raise her daughter from a previous marriage and helped when the Dad got sick with cancer ( again) and they had three more kids that all live there. They made it work great!! The Mom and Dad have since passed ( bless you guys) and they got the home as an inheritance. They have since made it more of their own. Stair lift is gone. The room that was where the parents slept-with 2hospital beds, is now a family room. But it worked for them. It was difficult at times but so is a "typical" marriage.

People do date and marry under these circumstance. However, it takes a special spouse to cope with an in-law who has dementia, and a new marriage also takes extra care. This wouldn't be the easiest beginning for a marriage, but I'm sure it can work if people work at it.

I'd take time to expose the prospective spouse to all of the care issues so that there are no surprises other than the ones that occur daily for caregivers. The prospective spouse may also want to become educated about dementia by going to the National Alzheimer's Foundation website at www.alz.org.
Best wishes,
Carol

Or go with the expert ;0) ( sheesh-way to make me look bad, Carol! J/K!)

I'm sorry this answer is so late. I have an anxiety disorder and am often slow in doing things. Thanks you both so much for your comments. I appreciate them so much!

anneshirley,
we can talk about marriage when you put the can of mace away. total overreaction on your part..

Of course...one just needs to meet the right mate. :-)

I feel MishkaM makes some very valid points. We tried keeping FIL out of a nursing home as long as possible but two major things happened: he was threatening self-harm with a gun and later a knife and he also got to the point he needed to be lifted all the time (at around 6 ft. and 200 pounds that is impossible for me and husband was not going to quit his job). So sometimes, there are limited alternatives.
There is one other person besides mom, brother and potential spouse that no one has brought up yet and that is the potential little person that could pop into the picture. Having been through this personally from the age of 7 and up, I am a firm believer that it is not emotionally, mentally or physically healthy for a child to be brought up in an environment where someone is dying mentally or physically daily.
Not everyone wants children and this may be you or your future spoues case. In that event, one would need to do a lot of soul searching and to be honest, legal counseling about such an arrangement.

Thanks for the input!