I would like to know if you're the durable power of attorney and guardian of a family member, can another family member make the choice of a DNR for the one that you're over when the hospital knows I was her POA and said they would have to ask me? I said she was to get CPR or whatever she needed and the hospital failed to listen to me and she coded and they didn’t do CPR. Is that legal in Alabama to do so? They wouldn’t let me in to the hospital due to COVID in March when she died she was 59. Myself, mom or other siblings did not even get to say bye ! I don’t see how the hospital can make that decision when they knew I was her durable power of attorney and guardian they spoke with me numerous times and told me what son said but she had me put over her in 2015 ! How can they do stuff like this ?
When you have POA it is not "over" someone. The person has assigned you as their representative. The decisions you make are based on the wishes of the person who assigned you.
Read your POA, is it immediate or Springing when the person can no longer make an informed decision. If Springing and your sister was competent to make her own decisions, then ur POA was not in effect. Which means your sister was still in charge of making her own decisions. Signing off on her own DNR. Did you make sure the hospital had a copy of the POA on file? Telling them over the phone is not enough. Son is considered closest living relative over siblings.
I have a feeling sister was terminal. Like Alva said, CPR does not always work.
As a Nurse I often thought, when families insisted on CPR because they could not let go of a loved one, that they had to stay at the bedside during it. It is nowhere as pretty as you see on TV, nor anywhere as successful. I am so dreadfully sorry for your loss. In today's world this is a very young woman. You were not at the bedside, but as I understand a son was. I wonder if you spoke to him. At any time did your mother refuse CPR/DNR?
I am sorry you are grieving. Sometimes we stay in this "argument" about what was done and what wasn't in order to face the fact, the mourning which is so devastatingly difficult. I hope that you will find peace.
Did a doctor ever speak with you? Did he suggest that your Mom's case was hopeless. Because in all truth, when things are hopeless, CPR can amount to battering a person's body. True enough they are gone, and it is unlikely they can feel it, but it is quite a devastating process.
I wish peace for you, and hope something will happen to help you over this hurdle, and to bring some understanding.
It may come down to there was nothing that could be done for sister. Her heart stopped for whatever reason. Things happen. I know that is not a comfort to you. But sometimes there are just no whys. You need to know that you and those carrying for your sister did their best in a very difficult time.
The important thing now is that your sister is at peace, and that you need some peace too. Dwelling on this, considering a medical negligence claim, making public criticism that leads to a defamation action, can all turn a sad situation into a never-ending nightmare. It could also destroy everyone in the family, if people take sides. Please let it go.
Almost everyone has some ‘if only’ feelings after a death. If you are a believer, give this problem to God.