AgingCare fam, I need to be as forthright as possible: I hate caregiving. I'm a live in caregiver for my grandmother and it's all just too much. I tallied up a list of everything I have gone through as a caregiver:
- Grandparents' constant fights, yelling and cursing at each other
- Right off the bat, grandpa falls and ends up in hospital/rehab for 3 months
- hired a HHA via agency who brought in bedbugs and caused over $7K worth of damage
- Having to send Grandpa off to the nursing home
- Grandma getting pneumonia and ending up in hospital
- losing grandpa to covid-related pneumonia
- multiple horrible fights with family over caregiving
- sewage backing up into the house (needs new cesspool)
- water damage and flooding in basement
- Grandma falling and fracturing her hip
- Grandma getting Covid at the same time I did (and me ending up in hospital!)
- Grandma getting shingles on her back
- Grandma developing broken heart syndrome
- Aunt treating me appallingly and dismissing what I do in caregiving.
- bee infestation
- manipulation by a family member
- having to pay rent, grandma's medication, diapers, pads, groceries and occasional oil bills
I just can't do it anymore. My other family members and I agree that grandma should have ended up in a NH after fracturing her hip, but my aunt (POA/MP) said no. She belongs in a NH- and that's coming from someone who HATES NHs. But let's face it- things get so bad that they just can't stay home anymore. It isn't fair to me, especially the way I'm being treated. So now I'm suffering for it because she won't do the right thing. And she guilt trips me for it, which is manipulative, emotionally/mentally abusive and unfair. If I could have it so I'd never see her again in my life, wouldn't it be great! She's become a crazy person (she wants to sue a former tenant from 10 years ago because Grandma gave them a valuable antique cash register!)
It's become a madhouse of a toxic situation and I'm already suffered enough. I haven spoken to an elder law clinic, who suggested to find a place first, get it, start moving my stuff out and THEN tell my aunt that I can no longer continue doing this. In order for me to do this, I need to find a better paying job that will allow me a decent place to live, which I'm working on.
Does anyone have any words of encouragement to offer during this most awful time?