Burn out stage after five years of no help from family, friends. How can I get my old me back?
Hi, new here. 46 taking care of or rather babysitting my mother who is 72 while my dad still is healthy and works. Started this venture simple back in 2015. She's been in and out hospitals, rehab. That's my life now. I have no life or no help from any family or my BBF. I think she gets sick of me talking about it so I don't any more, I really don't talk to her much anymore. I gave a lot up. I am 46, not working, no/little income, no life, no thanks, nothing. I want my life back.
I rarely go out. I am finally seeing a family doctor after seven years cause it was about her. We do have a lady comes in a few days a week. I want my life back. I did not sign up for this. I got yelled and screamed at this past weekend, was my burn out point. Mom is 72 gets around pretty good she needs watching she can't drive any more my options are really limited but she have health issues alone burn out and stressed out if I bring all this up I get yelled at I get no support from out side when I bring up my health I get yelled as well had
my first doctors appointment no support. I want her to die. I hate both my parents. I want to move really bad I used to be fun and very active life went every where careging sucks I don't want to wake up most times it sucks the life you had out of you. I want to date, travel and work I can't I miss the old me the happy me it's gone. I don't even smile any more like I used to how can I get my old me back with out pissing my parents off? Sorry it's long post, this is how I feel.
18 Answers
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Do whatever it takes to get your life back. Not good for you to be filled with resentment. Of course, you have your reasons. I am not judging you!
Not good for your mom to have a caregiver that is miserable.
Can you give us a bit more details please? Maybe we can help more with more information.
Hugs!
Why does your mother need minding? She's young for this, at 72, with four years already under your belt.
If you want your life back, TAKE IT BACK, my friend. Only YOU have the power to do that. You did not sign up to be a permanent care giver for your mother who may wind up outliving you at this point. Speak to your father about the situation immediately.
Best of luck!
it's a learned conditioning and takes some effort to unlearn. Long ago I saw a therapist and he said we were too enmeshed. I agreed.
I have read up on a lot of subjects but one that makes sense to me is Co dependence. Habits really hard to break. We know we need and want to get away but can't seem to shake them or get the energy to finally go. Money reasons, feeling give out and not thinking we can make it without them or them without us. So on.
I fall into all of those stinking thinking thoughts.
Then last year she moved in with me. Something both of us didn't want. It has been a down hill dive ever since.
Read up on these subjects and you might see yourself in the descriptions.
If you are able to go out and have some fun, go ahead! Feel free for a little while.
hope it works out and still vent here.
best of luck
I understand. Truly, I do. I cared for my mom for nearly 15 years in my home and many years before that in her home. It’s very hard.
My brothers did not help. Mom pitted us against each other. Nothing but criticism from all of them. I ended up asking my mom to live with my brother and SIL. I did way more than my share! Sadly, due to all of the damage done in our dysfunctional family I have no relationship with any of them.
It’s sad but I don’t have the power to change anyone, nor do you so we have to start taking care of ourselves.
Please be proactive in preparing a plan to free yourself from your misery and find joy again.
You deserve to have some time to yourself. So take it and don’t feel bad about it.
Do you mind telling us your age? You need to be planning for your own future. Please don’t sacrifice your entire life for your parents.
Did you ever have a good relationship with your family? Was it always this bad?
Sounds like you are burning out fast. Can you speak with someone? A social worker to help plan for your family’s needs.
Also, children with siblings often don’t have help either. I didn’t get help from siblings when I cared for my mom.
You need to start concentrating on you!
Go to the local women's shelter, get some counseling and get a job and get on with your life.
You made a choice and now you have to make another choice.
Why do you care if they get mad.
You say they are always mad, so why would you moving out, being a grown woman, paying your own bills and doing what responsible adults do make them madder than they already are? Let them be mad.
Your mom will either figure it out or they will hire someone to come help. Works great for everyone, you have a life, they have their life and maybe at some point you all can have a relationship.
At least take breaks if you can. Can you hire someone to help? Can you be put on the waiting list for Council on Aging? They will provide a few hours of respite care if your parent qualifies.
Can you plan a for assisted living facility or nursing home for the future? Speak to a social worker about the next step. Hugs. It’s so hard.
My Lord, just read your profile. You have your hands full! Please get help soon.
Of course, hard for parents to be dependent on their children too.
Some parents are appreciative and others are downright mean. It’s especially hard to care for people who are ungrateful and mean.
Your mom would want you to be at peace and feel joy.
Move to a new home if you desire that, Shad. Do what you need to in order to heal. Your mom will live in your heart forever.
Sounds like you truly loved her and miss her. Have you ever sought out a grief support group or counseling?It may help. Best wishes to you.
Did you always have a rocky relationship with your parents? Maybe you will never be compatible with them and it’s in everyone’s interest to separate. You sound utterly miserable. It’s not worth staying there and being in agony. Save up your money, then just go. Cut all ties if you have to.