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She basically supports him financially, and she is retired, living on a fixed income. He has stolen from her since he was a teenager, and has a 3 page criminal rap sheet. He has had drinking and drug problems for many years. Last year, without telling me, she deeded her home to him upon her death, and changed her Power of Attorney to have me and my brother both as personal representatives. She didn't know it was a public record, and I confronted her about the Power of Attorney and told her I would not get involved; that she should just let my brother be sole Power of Attorney, since she has set things up for him to have what little she has after her death. She wants me to take care of her estate when she passes, and I have no intention of taking care of everything while the Power of Attorney and Deed remain as they are. My brother and I do not get along at all because he knows that I know what he has done to her over the years. Whenever I speak to her about it, she says he would just have to take whatever he wants, because she can't do anything about it. My heart just sank when she said this. She is very afraid of being along, and is willing to let him rob her blind, as long as he lives with her. I am sure that is why he doesn't pay any rent or contribute financially. She still prepares his meals, changes his bed sheets, washes his clothes, all things that he should be doing for her. She insists she can't live without him, because he does "so much" for her, which to my knowledge, consists of picking up prescriptions for her at the local pharmacy 1 mile away from her home. She even goes to the grocery store on her own. My husband and I try to do as much as we can for her, and she will call when she needs us too. I am worried sick that my mother will one day need assisted living, and any funds she has will have been drained by my brother. What can I do? She is in complete denial when I try to talk to her about it. Thank you.

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Call your local area on aging and file an fiduciary elder abuse report and they will assign an investigator (usually lawyers) and your brother will have to answer to where the money is being spent and all bank accounts will be looked at.
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Do not do what we did, and try to deal reasonably, and kindly in a 'Christian' manner.
Simply go to the Police.
When elderly people go in that dark place between dementia and not, which seems unrecognised by every authority, they get 'used'. ALERT, ALERT, AND ALERT!
Before it is too late.....
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In my case the lawyer hired by x-sister is the corrupt party as well as x-sis. They both collaborated to isolate only one of moms money market accounts and only submitted that money market account deliberately making mom fraudulently look poorer than she is so mom would be thrown in the worst possible nursing home imaginable while x-sis went on a real estate shopping spree for herself and her x-husband he since croaked. He's was the mastermind of this plot. Anyway I'm writing a book and exposing everyone and every situation as I documented this for eight years. It destroyed my life because of the cruelty and extreme GREED! My story will be a real eye opener about this Elder Financial Abuse. The state of Florida is ignoring every request I submitted to get action on this including the contact I made with the Attorney Generals offioce as a matter of fact the state of Florida is allowing this monster to actually volunteer in a hospice. I feel she is scouting out her next victim as she has no remorse or emotions. She is living a double life and bought up over a million dollars worth bof properties. The abuse doesn't seem real. But it is so real. You can't believe there aren't better laws to protect against this horrible plot. Lawyers don't seem to want to end this because in my opinion they are making fast easy money. The lawyer x-sis hired stated she didn't do an asset research. Well if she did that than 100% of the abuse would not have occurred because she would've seen a huge withdrawal of $63,000 four months prior to this visit with this atty and another one for $25,000 two years prior to that. Oh these creeps go to town thinking they deserve everything. So sorry for this document everything go to the police file reports. Get an Obudsmen. Scream loudly and don't stop. Contact Stop GuardianElderAbuse.org check on google. Demand someone help you and threaten every single person that if their help fails that you are documenting their names. I wish I would've done all that now. I was in total shock and every lawyer and every situation I did failed. Try everything you can to get the power of attorney away if you can talk to your mom till she's blue in the face. Best of luck. I'll be praying. XXOXOXXOXOOO
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Since you denied co-sharing the POA with your brother, you really do not have a say. If your mother has deeded her house to him, that is her right. If she continues to "take care" of him, that is also her right. Having him for company sounds like it is enough for your mother, and at this point all you can do is be supportive of "HER" decisions. It is her money, her house, and her life. Do not worry now about what may or may not happen in the future. All you can do is be a good daughter, help her when SHE asks, and leave the two of them alone. I know this will be hard for you, but you already made that decision when you refused co-partnership with your brother. Seems to me you are cutting your nose off to spite your face about your brother and your mother is the one who will suffer. Forgiveness goes a long way dear one.
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PS. the same thing happened to a friend of mine. Her brother took everything, the parents lost their house and my friend had to obtain guardianship after everything was gone and her parents had to go into a medicaid assisted nursing home when they became ill. Her mother just passed and there was no money for burial and the remaining siblings had to come up with the cash for the funeral. Take action now....
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Reading these stories on this website make me believe that we are not in a place between heaven and hell. We are living in the latter. As the common saying goes "Hell on Earth." There is another popular saying "Life is Short," and it is. And we spend it dealing with this crap? So many issues, so much anxiety and so much pain. Why? Because we let our situation control us. The reality is we utlimately have control over our lives and what we feel. I hope I will learn that before I am on my own death bed, and think, "What a schmuck I've been to do this to myself."
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Wow Always Busy, There is a lot more to my story than I said, up until January, 30 I was still caring for mom and two sisters but the sister I was talking about has twisted everything around , I am still in shock as to how she got me out and her in. The things I am most worried about is she physically abuses my autistic sister mentally & physically, it just kills me to know I am not there to protect her anymore, I've been pretty much homeless since Jan 30 , living in my Kia Sorento & motel rooms I can afford. I am disabled & have pacemaker my husbands disabled to, but I will do anything I have to so it will stop. I've never been in this position in my life. Tomorrow We've got to try to find a place to stay & I will call STOP GUARDIAN ELDER ABUSE Thank You :-)
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1. Your brother has been stealing from your mother since he was a teenager. Your mother has allowed him to get away with it all this time. Do not expect a change.
2. There is no legal requirement that a parent treat all children equally. Most parents strive to do this, but they are not required to. Equal treatment is never going to happen in your family.
3. Turning down the dual POA role was wise. In general, naming two people to the role of POA is a disaster waiting to happen. In particular, naming you and your brother as co-POAs is a certified disaster already underway. What are the chances the two of you would ever agree to what is in Mother's best interest? Or that he would abide by decisions anyway?
4. There may be some value in filing an fiduciary elder abuse report, especially if you can give specific examples of misuse of funds. On the other hand, I'm not sure what will happen when Mothers says, as she will, "oh, I told him to take that money. I wanted him to have it."
5. You are right. If Mother ever needs a care center she will be in a world of hurt. This is going to sound callous, but it is Not Your Problem. She doesn't have enough money to self-pay for the facility? Not Your Problem. You are not required to rescue her financially. Medicaid approves her application but applies a penalty because there is so much money she can't account for? Not Your Problem. You are not required to pay for her care during the penalty period.
6. Life is Short. Don't spend yours dealing with this crap. You have made honest attempts to steer your mother away from a self-destructive path. Move on with your life. Save up money for your own old age. Enjoy your life to the fullest.
7. Don't punish your mother. She's setting up punishment enough for herself. Continue to help her out when she asks. Be pleasant. Let her know how much you love her. Just remember that if she has to someday face the consequences of her decisions, it is Not Your Problem.

What an awful situation you are in.
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I agree with Jeanne... it is not your problem. Your mother has made her choices, and offered the olive branch to you in form of Co-POA. I understand that partnering as POA is not a tenable situation. Mother has let brother's behavior continue his entire life. It is NOT going to change now... especially since she is sponsoring his behavior.

I wish you the best of luck! I'm sorry you have to deal with this problem.
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It is so sad to think that in the last round of your parent's life this is what is happening.

I just finished having a heavy sobbing session because my mom has been in ICU for eleven days while her heart heals. They took her off of the sedatives 3 days ago and she is not waking up.

The last thing we are thinking of is her money. We would be happy if she would just wake up and spend it all on herself.
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