Brother in NH and a woman has taken a fancy to him. What can I do?

Does your brother seem to enjoy the attention from the lady? If they were canoodling fully clothed, I must say it seems harmless to me.

Really...not much you can do. The staff can try to keep them apart but they have other responsibilities too. My daughter has told me there is a couple at her facility that think they are married and get upset if someone tries to separate them. Both have spouses who visit. Not much you can do. Its part of the desease. My GFs father is in his late 90s living in an AL. He is still with it mentally. He woke up to find a resident in his bed. Mom was in the same AL. This woman loves the men so I could see her doing it. She has Dementia.

I've seen several couples at mom's memory care and staff generally takes guidance from the families as to how far to let things go but it can provide great relief for those residents to have a hand to hold or to see someone they 'love'
facilities can be lonely and the days drag on

I have no idea if he enjoys the attention. He is 80 years old and the woman is bout same age. Neither of them have a partner alive. The other man she visits has a wife who is still alive and wife visits him regularly. But both families aren't bothered as it is dementia they are dealing with. I just thought that this behaviour would not be tolerated by NH. But as you say Msmadge, time must drag for all the poor souls who are in NH.

As long as there is no abuse going on.
As long as he does not object to the attention I would say let things go.
We all need contact with other people. The touch, clothed or not is very powerful. It can be calming and may help your brother mentally and emotionally.
I know when my Husband was anxious all I had to do is hold him, or hold his hand, rub his shoulders and he would relax almost instantly. I could get him to fall asleep in minutes just by holding his hand and sitting or laying next to him.
So as long as the facility has no problems with this, as long as the woman's family does not have a problem I would not worry about this.

I do not think you have to worry about the facility kicking him out due to this, if they make moves to do so they should also evict the woman. And they would have a discussion with the families before it cam to that.

It might be good to discuss it with the staff and ask what they do about it, if anything. It may not be a problem in their eyes. If it bothers you, you can mention your wishes to the staff.

If both parties are comfortable in each other's company, and if they're not frightening the horses, and if the staff are confident no one is coming to any harm... I know it's a bit much to say "be happy for them" but perhaps at least be glad they have this companionship (doesn't sound as if they're getting up to much else 😰). The situation just wants an eye kept on it, that's all.

If they both enjoy the situation, just make sure the staff are all aware that they should be monitored.

Be happy for him, most eider claim that they are lonely, have no compagnon to be with and many of them don't always tell they miss love and would very much remain sexualy active, because attraction and need are still present but oculted. Dont forget that this situation for both of them means that they still have "life pulses" i.e. they are certainly not ready to die, so be happy for them and for you, Dont do the habitual mistake of reprimanding him or them, better is to approve the situation, envie them and hope that you reach his age if ever you should have dementia.
Next month I will moderate(in Belgium) as gerontologist a four day session embracing "Age love and sexualité" Participants are between 65 an 80
Good luck
Yves
Belgium

and the problem is?

Unless your brother is freaking out and saying he is being stalked or sexually abused, leave it alone.

That they can find some comfort and peace should be encouraged and not destroyed. Love comes in many different forms, be happy that they are able to recognize it in their conditions. It is a blessing to them.

I had a problem with a woman always in my husbands room. Both in memory care unit. I would always lead her out or get a nurse. I was too bewildered, shocked and tired from it all, to care much. My husband would tell me" she is always horny and I have to tell her I am a married man." She also would hold hands with a lot of the men. My daughter and I called her the hall wh*re between just us. Had to laugh to keep from crying. I complained and the response I got was. " honey all the residents go in each others rooms all the time"

Simply said, you can't do anything. People, even elderly people need
companionship. All you can do is ask that you be informed of issues arising. By taking your brother away from that environment will only unsettle him.
Staff will monitor him and others. Remember he has advanced dementia.

All the best,
Arlene

All of us humans need to be held and that doesn’t change even with dementia. I would let him and her get their holding time, I’m sure it is comfort for both of them.

I've heard of all kinds of activity at NHs. Seems to be more the norm than not. Luckily my late mother was the recipient of very kind patient~an amputee who had lost a leg, but came to my mom's bedside every night when I would leave to go back to her home and held her hand till she fell asleep. Bill Miele was an angel!.

Skinnylizzy; This happens all the time in the N.H. dont feel bad everybody gets lonely it is normal for any human being to seek companionship also it sounds like the little woman is the one to watch .....I hope her family is notified; I do not think that your brother is doing anything wrong at all and I dont know that any NH can kick out 2 consensual adults actually as long as no one is getting hurt there is no problems except this little lady seems a bit permiscuis ....

As my dad's Parkinson's advanced, the one thing my parents had was their "movie nights". Dad would (painfully) move the 15 feet into mother's room and lay there and watch a movie with her and they'd cuddle, as much as possible. (He was in a lot of pain).

I used to joke with them that they got more "action" that I did--still had all 5 kids at home--

But I am grateful for that little gift they had. When daddy had to move to a "hospital bed" their time like that ended.

If your brother isn't complaining--leave it be. We NEED human touch. I know that on my worst day--a great big hug from a grandkid or one of my precious sons in law just makes it all OK. MY DH is not someone who wants/needs "touch". Very lonely at times.

WHO IS IT HURTING? - if 2 people enjoy a bit of closeness then let them be - most likely they are incapable than more but they have a crush much like 8 years old