BIL wants banking account info. I am DPOA. Is there anything I should be wary of if I give it to him?

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Mom would give this to him if she knew it. After some heated conversation while I was making arrangements to move Mom to the IL/AL place she wanted and needed to live in because it has a few low-income units, I commented that I just don't have any more to give to this process. I have no money for her. I can't coordinate long distance unless our family friend, B, helps me. Mom and sister and BIL don't want B helping.

So now BIL is asking for her bank account info so he can monitor it. Not an unreasonable request since he will be putting money into her account.

But I feel like I need to protect myself. Do I? Or am I just being reactionary to this sudden twist?

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Veronica - The cafeteria is a la carte. She gets a bowl of salad, that has a cost. She gets the main entree, that has a cost. She gets a piece of bread, that has a cost. She has a dining card and anyone in the family can add funds to it. Or she can add funds to it using her debit card. Every time she uses the dining card, they give her a receipt showing the balance on it. BIL thinks she will "go on a budget" if it is all just explained to her. He doesn't realize she has resisted living on a budget for 60 years. But if he wants to subsidize her learning experience, good luck to him.

I've made it clear I cannot add funds to her dining card. When she lived with me, I did buy foods that we shared, like chicken and basic dinner ingredients. She bought her own breakfast and lunch foods, since she made those herself when I wasn't home. If she got a hankerin' for steak, I didn't buy it for her. She could buy it. She would only eat filet, so no way would I buy that for her or even myself.

It has been a week and she has done okay so far. But BIL bought her about a weeks' worth of snacks and light meals for breakfast and dinner in her apartment. For breakfast and dinner, she will soon need to decide to go to the little store on site or else eat at the deli which is easier to get to. We'll see how it works over time.

Daughterdeb, thank goodness that hasn't happened to me yet. What an insulting letter. Not use depends? Go on Medicaid? That reminds me of everyone telling me about the free phones the government gives out. "Why is mom spending so much on a phone, there are free phones," they tell me. Well, then you look into it and it isn't a free cell phone plan, it is a discount since the minutes are so limited. That's when it gets so frustrating.
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CM How does the cafetera work? Do they "pay" per item from their account? is there a daily allowance or what? I can see her regarding it as free. Is there any way you can have the staff put a limit on the amount she is allowed to use per meal. When she has spent all her money she will tell them to charge it to BILs account. At this point i would be inclined to let the chips fall where they may unless you have signed anything to assume financial responsibility for her expenses.

Deb I had to laugh at brother's observations.
1 Actually there could be some room for reduction in this area. At her age she may not need some of them or could change to a cheaper generic. Talk to her drs and see if there are any changes that wiil not affect her health or quality of life. I don't remember what is wrong with Mom and some of the better newer drugs may have no substitute.
2. No contest. Invite him to wear a soaked (with water) Depends for a day.
3. Well we know how that all works
3. $40 a week that is pretty basic eating $5.71 a day. Would not even buy brother his lunch
5 Offer to practice cutting brother's hair
6. Doesn't sound as though you are charging her for housing, let alone heating, laundry and transportation etc
Did he forget to mention the vast amounts she spends on clothing, beauty products, eating out, premium TV chanels, gifts and anything else you can think of.
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kdcm1011 I won't. But I gave to my attorney since it was handwritten and mailed to my home address from his home address. (a legal document the minute it was mailed)
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And there you have your answer why he wants the info. His comments are outrageous and laughable. Don't give him any more information. You are not required to give it, yet you did originally in good faith. He, however, overstepped.
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I wish we could make these siblings as imaginary as the Parent's imaginary fortune and give them an imaginary POA!!! But we are living and dealing with the real world of caregiving and they couldn't walk a mile in our shoes! They want all the glory and none of the work!

Update:Brother sent me a letter! lol! His opinion on the expense sheet of mother's finances. He actually wrote that he felt some of mother's expenses were not necessary that I was wasting her Social security check. His suggestions,
1.Cut out some of her pills that are not covered completely by her health insurance.( all of them have co-pays)
2.Cut out or lessen her use of depends. ( Wth? have her accidently urinate on the rugs and furniture?)
3.Find a doctor with a cheaper co-pay or use the free clinic.(Set rate by Insurance company)
4.Cut back on her food bill. ( She only contributes $40 a week)
5.Cut her hair yourself. ( lol!)
6.Quit charging your own mother housing!
But my favorite part of his letter was " you know if you put her on Medicaid, they will pay for everything!" This from the one who is the reason she isn't on Medicaid due to the "look back" years!
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Veronica, that's funny but not. I'm sure BIL wants to know where money went. To my sister, mom's $900 a month was a lot of money. But add in her $450 on medical insurance and medicines, plus paying off her debts. And her love of eating out (which I had to limit) and most of it is gone.

And now he wants to see how she will handle the dining set up at this new place. Especially since I complained to him about how she will go to a restaurant (or cafeteria) and order more than she can eat. Or splurge on things - a salad on the side instead of the vegetable that comes with it. Because she deserves it (in her mind). It is a major trigger for me how mom behaves with food and is the biggest possible obstacle to making this new living arrangement work.
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You can but I think it is too late to shut the barn door, the horse has already gone.
BIL already knows the current situation what he wants to know is where Mom's imaginary fortune went in the past. but then I am a nasty suspicious old lady. I don't know that account numbers will actually help him if you have pOA. The bank probably won't give him access.
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For better or worse now, mom gave him the info. I will just have to make the best of it and protect myself. I'm still a little nervous though since as many say, even when you've done nothing wrong and are straight up about everything, people can still get suspicious and accusatory. I don't think he will, but I don't want to be foolish.

I think perhaps once things settle down with Mom's recent move and once the full benefits are arriving and BIL no longer needs to give her money that I might change the password at least.
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I am DPOA and every time I do something my father or brother don't like they say that I've done some thing illegal and make it seem like I am a bad person and dishonest when in fact I am the most honest one. I am absolutely willing and have printed and offered reports showing exactly where the money goes because I have nothing to hide. In no way would I ever give them the account numbers. My brother tries to guilt me into it by saying what if something happens to you how would we get access. I have a folder for everything and my sister is the alternate so she would be able to figure it all out if necessary. bottom line PROTECT YOURSELF TRUST FEW when it comes to family.
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