Mom used to be in a senior community in India till she became very forgetful. I employed aides in India but there was no one to supervise them. They came late, left early etc and locked up mom to stop her from wandering out. Her neighbors called me, so I rushed over and got her here. I got her a green card, pay for expensive monthly insurance and am in charge of her 24/7. Luckily, she's ok physically and sleeps well at night. I can also put on YT movies and get a break for me.
My brother lives overseas and has no interest in mom because of how my parents treated him 30 years ago. I agree my parents were not the best but my point is, we cannot abandon mom. Dad is no more. I have asked DB for very specific help, like handling mom's financial affairs or talking to the senior community about pending dues. All this can be done by email/phone but he has not heeded my calls for help.
Strangely, DB is nice when I talk to him about my kids, general events, movies etc . He goes grey rock (I think that's what you call it??) when I try to tell him about mom.
My husband visited him overseas to tell him that we cannot handle mom's burden alone. DB and his wife unloaded a whole boatload of complaints against my parents (which happened decades earlier) and kept insisting I should have left mom in India. But the burden of checking up on the aides & keeping tabs on mom was & will be on me. I got migraines and that's why I rushed over and got mom here.
How do I accept this and move past? I get very angry thinking DB is living carefree (except for the pandemic) and living his life while I have to think of mom's care before I do anything.
Thank you so much