He says our Mom only wants her own children to take care of her, not a nurse or caregiver. My brother is single, is an RN, and has no children. I’m married, have three very young children (that I’m trying to teach with distance learning), and am also exhausted. My husband and I offered to pay all the costs for my Mom’s care, but they will only accept care from me, personally. They say it’s my duty as a daughter. Am I being selfish?
You are not being selfish; they are!
Do not pay for her care!
Do not provide care yourself!
Leave your selfish brother and mother to their own devices, raise your children, and live your life.
You are not responsible for your mother's care, legally or morally.
I repeat, do NOT financially help her unless you are independently wealthy (mulit-millionaire), else you'll spend up your nest egg on her, and in 40 years your kids will be stuck in the same position with you.