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My brother (who has not helped in any way with my Mom who has Alzheimer's) is now alleging Elder Abuse. Last year, because of the fact he was having horrible fights with our Mom (and refused to move out), she filed a Temporary Restraining Order against him. I don't recall all the circumstances, but he ended up leaving, and I (stupidly) suggested to my Mom that she drop the TRO.

In February, she agreed to let him stay for a short time (without telling me). he barely, if at all, worked. He would lock himself in the office and sleep all day. I noticed he always semed to have money, but he wasnt working. So I became suspicious. One day, i was using the house computer and his email popped up. Because I suspected him of taking money from our Mom, i went in it to see if I could find any information re the items he sold. I have suspected for awhile that he had lied to our Mom, by telling he he sold things for less, and pocketing the difference. Long story short, he found out, exploded and pushed me. I fell down, hit my head, resulting in a concussion. Once I was able to drive, I filed the Temporary Restraining Order. and he was removed from the house. In retaliation, he has alleged Elder Abuse to Adult Protective Services, and now to the Court. How do I prove that he is being retaliatory?

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I am so sorry you have to go through this. You AND your mom. Your brother sounds like a drug addict but I guess that's not really the point. I hope you are ok now after the fall.

Perhaps sitting down and writing out an account of everything that has happened. No emotion, no opinions, just fact. Make several copies.

Has APS contacted you? In person? By letter? Phone? You're just going to have to calmly and rationally explain the entire situation to them. Since you have not, in fact, abused your mom then there's nothing for APS to discover. An old classmate of mine used to work for Child Protective Services and he told me that people used the agency to get back at other people all the time and they would discover it in the course of an investigation. If there's been no abuse there's no chance of any proof of abuse being discovered. Unfortunately, your mom's input can't be considered because of the Alzheimer's but I would imagine this isn't the first time a false allegation has been made. Dysfunctional families, siblings fighting over inheritance, etc. I'm sure it happens frequently. It must be very stressful for you just the same and you must be terrified of your caregiving being put under a microscope but you've done nothing wrong. Your brother is a scumbag (sorry). They'll talk to him as well and I'm sure it will all work out ok.

Keep your brother as far away from you and your mom as you can. Is the TRO still in effect? Your brother is a sick and pathetic person and I'm personally offended that he would go out of his way to put you through this. Your life is difficult enough, I'm sure.

Hang in there, honey. Be as cooperative as you possibly can with APS and I would be willing to bet that this will blow over eventually. You're doing the noble thing by caring for your mom and your brother sounds like a total loser.
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How fortunate I feel to have found this website where I can chat about my life and get so much information. I've read a lot of other people's issues, and that helps me too. My plan is to find an attorney on Monday. I am NOT going to let him get away with his vindictiveness & lies. Also, I hired new caregivers the day he assaulted me. So they haven't been around here long. Also, the agency has told our caregiver if they contact her, not to discuss it with them on the phone. They will set up an appt. for APS and the Caregiver to meet in THEIR offices.
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I was referred to a new attorney. He's out of the office today, but hopefully I can talk to him and get some good advice.
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I am happy to report that Adult Protective Services notified me that they have closed the case against me! What a relief. Now, when I go to Court, I am going to give him a letter stating he has 30 days to get all of his belongings out of the house, and open a PO Box for his mail. I pay $160/month for off-site storage while I live here and help our Mom. And since he doesn't live here, he needs to find a new "permanent" address -- such as open a PO Box. After June 30, his mail will be returned to sender. Also, any visits with Mom need to be scheduled, and there will always be a third party in attendance. I am also having cameras installed in the house. I am done with his trying to get money from my Mom, not including me in financial matters(when I have the POA). No more!
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sure sounds snarly. i have doubts that there is a perfect elder care situation anywhere. we are imperfect humans having something very complicated being dropped in our laps. we are in the hot seat and it isnt by accident. aps made it clear to my family right away that they were breathing down our necks just to prevent us from making bad decisions. it isnt a fun place to be but if i were dragged into court i would tell a consistant story and trust the judge to sort out the facts. it is very unnerving but i do understand the need for elder protection. the assault allegation isnt going to make your bro the poster boy for nurturing family caregiver.
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Damn. I wrote a paragraph in response to your kind words. Basically, I am hoping the Judge sees through his crap, and realizes he is being retaliatory. Also, unknown to him, I keep a journal (mostly for my Mom's health, so I don't have to remember things. That will be my saving grace, along with my medical bills, and our housekeeper has seen a couple of things. I'm hoping I can get her to sign an affidavit. This is totally crazy, especially since he is the one who yells, has called my Mom an F---ing B*&^h and me the "C" word. He has hit doors so hard, there are holes in the wall. This is insanity. My Mom and her sisters fought the whole time I was growing up. When my grandmother had to be put into a care facility, the accusations were flying between my Mom and one of her sisters. I NEVER wanted to repeat that cycle. But here we are.
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I am part of such a family too. I know I have to cover my a** whatever I do. I am executor and when the time comes plan on giving the job to a professional so my sister can't sue me. She sued her own kids for money and won. Apparently she has planned for a long time to get all that mother leaves, and sucks up to mother and bad mouths me when she can. Fortunately, mother doesn't trust her with money -yet! You have to cover your front, your back, your sides, your top and your bottom. t is sad when it comes to this within families.
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noone can put mom anywhere unless she is declared incompetent by her doc. my doc just asked mom the other day what year it was and who the current president is and she answered both. that was evidence to him that she was capable of making her own decisions. aps blows. they deliberately breathe down your neck to keep you worried as a sick preventive measure. it is damaging and unfair to the carers who are stressed all to hell to begin with. asswipes !!
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It really is tragic. Unfortunately, it grows in the family because my Mom and one of her sisters were always fighting when my Grandmother had to go to an assisted living facility. It was ridiculous! He may think that if I am not allowed to be her caregiver, he can step in and get some $$ for it. But my Mom never wanted him involved in her finances, so he is not named on the POAs or as Trustee when our Mom passes. My backup is a family friend, and I tell her everything (so I am transparent). But this is very upsetting nonetheless.
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Well, given my attorney doesn't return my calls, and I'm pretty frustrated. I took my Mom to her doctor today. I told him to talk to her alone because my brother is alleging abuse. I heard Mom said I yell at her. What she didn't say is she comes after me, and I have to lock doors to get away from her. The police have been out here 3-4 times when she hit me. We lost a caregiver because my Mom slapped me in the face. I need to get copies from the Police Department of the times they have been here. This is so absolutely totally ridiculous. The reason my brother assaulted me was I looked at his email because I suspected he was taking money & selling things for her (and pocketing some of the money). He was also trying to get her to give her my car (because I drive hers now). She already gave him our Dad's car (which he doesn't insure, so I won't allow him to take her anywhere). But right now the Temporary Restraining Order is still in effect, so he can't contact her.
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