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Hi all, I need support so will lay out all the embarrassing details and I'll have a thick skin to read your responses. Don't expect sympathy cuz I've had lots of help for past 3 years but it's still exhausting. My Mom with psychosis of PD was at AL for 22 months (no memory care attached). Her difficult medication needs (9 times/day) couldn't be met so we provided our own caregivers with me there several hours a day. As her dementia and psychosis increased, we were with her 24/7. She was increasingly inappropriate to be at this AL so I moved her back to her vacant home on 9/14/16 with 24/7 care that included 2 of us with her during waking hours. After moving home my gorgeous brilliant Mom started eating rocks, gravel, leaves, bark and/or seashells on a daily basis with the occasional flower or other non food item thrown in. Mostly rocks and seashells. She has collected these things her whole life and there is an unlimited supply inside and out. 4 weeks ago she started falling, a lot. UTI was ruled out. Sometimes 6 falls a day or more. Last Saturday am she took 3 horrific falls and was eating beach glass. Then there was an incident where she had a BM into her 2 hands as I was trying to help her on the toilet and feces went everywhere. I had a breakdown (not mad at her but 3 years of frustration caught up with me) and knew I had reached my limit and took her to the ER for help with placement. She was transferred (I drove her as it was "voluntary" due to her lack of understanding) to a Senior Mental Health unit. She's been there over a week and will be discharged Friday. I can't do this anymore and have found a dementia care center where the residents are well cared for, their family members seem happy, and they promise they can meet her medication needs. The problem is my 24 yo son and 27 yo daughter. They have been 2 of her devoted caregivers and want to prove themselves to me by taking more responsibility for her care at her home. Every bone in my body and every ounce of sense I have tells me this is a bad idea and setting them up for failure. What a burden for 20-somethings. My husband has even joined their cause and I feel so guilty. But I can hold onto myself and do what I think is best for everyone concerned and what my Mom would have wanted before she got ill. But baring my soul for other opinions and a reality check from our community. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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dmasty, Tell them all NO, you are done, you are finished, you can't do this anymore. They won't last two weeks with this. It's all on you while they are at work. NOT FAIR and not physically possible. They have no idea what they are asking of you.
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You most likely cannot fix your mother's eating non-food items at home. She needs a more controlled and sterile environment to keep her safe at this stage of her illness.

Suggest you stand your ground, with love.
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Try to understand your family's deepest emotions, and realize that is what is speaking, the emotions. They are unwittingly placing the guilt on you as an added burden, imo. Don't receive the guilt into your heart, but also don't try to fix them.
You must be the one with more common sense for now. Not heartless, but the one who decides.
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I'm so sorry this is happening to your mom but if she had round the clock care and has been falling and eating non food items then surely it has not been a safe environment

A dementia care center may not be able to keep her from falling as this happens regularly at my mom's facility but it will lift a burden from you so that you can continue to be her care overseer

God bless and let us know how the transition goes
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She needs a secure , i.e. locked environment. She will live longer and safer in the dementia unit. Be your mom's best advocate here.
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Has she ever been examined and tested if necessary for pica? It refers to eating hard substances and the need to chew. Other than the flowers and leaves, the rocks, gravel, bark, and seashells could fit into this category.

Iron deficiency anemia and malnutrition can cause this, according to what I've read. And, incidentally, I crave crunchy food objects (celery, cucumbers) and have battled anemia off and on for years.)

Did some more quick research to see if I could determine what kind of doctor could be consulted for this; it seems that there could be a mental component and psychiatrists, psychologists could be involved, but a medical doctor would probably have to do the diagnosis.

It's interesting that she's been in a psych unit. You might ask the doctors there if pica was considered and if they did any blood work to determine if she was anemic.

I think an endocrinologist might be an appropriate doctor to evaluate if you think pica is a possibility.

It's the first thing I thought of when I read your comment about her eating habits.

Beyond that, I really wish I could offer some other suggestions, but I do think that the situation is beyond your control. You might consider a short trial period so that your family can feel as though they've given it their best shot, but set a deadline so that other arrangements can be made if necessary.

I really hope for a good solution for all of you; your post was so sad.
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Do what you know is best for your mother. You are her advocate.

Is the good place you have found close enough so that your family can visit often?They can interact with her there, where she is safe and looked after. They can play a very helpful role in her quality of life, without taking on the responsibility for day-to-day care.
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Pica is sometimes believed to be related to iron and/or zinc deficiencies. Also, pica is sometimes related to OCD. It can be helped by anti anxiety meds if OCD is present. Have your mothers dr check for mineral deficiencies.
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Dmasty
Hope the evaluation goes well tomorrow and then encourage your kids to be part of mom's life after the move - there are some family members who visit their loved ones daily at my mom's facility and others who rarely visit - I personally try to be there 3- to 4 times a week and have a private aide with her everyday

I have seen several residents eat non- food items - paper - plants - styrofoam - trash etc.
I suspect your neuro didn't blink because he/she understands the brain isn't working properly and even those whose dementia is not as advanced will pick up food or drink that belongs to another resident

As another poster said, your mom's journey may continue for some time and it may be difficult at times to be part of it but try to rest when you can and be present with her - touch is very comforting
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They don't even know how much they don't know about what it entails. I'd put her needs first and do what you know is right. They need to support you in this. She will progress in her condition and require more and more care. They obviously do not comprehend the severity of the situation. If the dementia unit will accept her, I'd be very grateful. It sounds like the level of care that she needs is substantial.
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