Should I bring my Mom home after geriatric psych stay?

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Hi all, I need support so will lay out all the embarrassing details and I'll have a thick skin to read your responses. Don't expect sympathy cuz I've had lots of help for past 3 years but it's still exhausting. My Mom with psychosis of PD was at AL for 22 months (no memory care attached). Her difficult medication needs (9 times/day) couldn't be met so we provided our own caregivers with me there several hours a day. As her dementia and psychosis increased, we were with her 24/7. She was increasingly inappropriate to be at this AL so I moved her back to her vacant home on 9/14/16 with 24/7 care that included 2 of us with her during waking hours. After moving home my gorgeous brilliant Mom started eating rocks, gravel, leaves, bark and/or seashells on a daily basis with the occasional flower or other non food item thrown in. Mostly rocks and seashells. She has collected these things her whole life and there is an unlimited supply inside and out. 4 weeks ago she started falling, a lot. UTI was ruled out. Sometimes 6 falls a day or more. Last Saturday am she took 3 horrific falls and was eating beach glass. Then there was an incident where she had a BM into her 2 hands as I was trying to help her on the toilet and feces went everywhere. I had a breakdown (not mad at her but 3 years of frustration caught up with me) and knew I had reached my limit and took her to the ER for help with placement. She was transferred (I drove her as it was "voluntary" due to her lack of understanding) to a Senior Mental Health unit. She's been there over a week and will be discharged Friday. I can't do this anymore and have found a dementia care center where the residents are well cared for, their family members seem happy, and they promise they can meet her medication needs. The problem is my 24 yo son and 27 yo daughter. They have been 2 of her devoted caregivers and want to prove themselves to me by taking more responsibility for her care at her home. Every bone in my body and every ounce of sense I have tells me this is a bad idea and setting them up for failure. What a burden for 20-somethings. My husband has even joined their cause and I feel so guilty. But I can hold onto myself and do what I think is best for everyone concerned and what my Mom would have wanted before she got ill. But baring my soul for other opinions and a reality check from our community. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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DLSinVA, I have goosebumps reading your answer because many details are similar to our situation. The family has always been wonderful but it's just more than we can manage anymore. I am truly trying to do the best thing and hope that we see an improved situation for everyone like you have.
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Wow I don't know where to begin. I will start by saying stand strong in your decision to put your mom in 24/7 care. My mom was diagnosed almost 3 years ago and she lived 800 miles away. It has been a up hill battle. Without going into to much detail she was being cared for by my "Awesome" stepdad who is 13 years older than her. He tried for the last couple of years to care for her in the home. My sister and I knew it was a train wreck and we had to sit back and wait for it. Very hard and a very sad situation. This past August I moved my mom from FL to VA into a nursing home. She has had to leave her home, her husband and what feels like her life. By the way she barely remembers the last two years which she had no quality of life and did not get out of bed for days on end. She is doing much better and is getting the 24 care and medication regiment she need. Stand strong! I know your family is now stepping up and being helpful but a little to late.
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Excellent advice Jsanders. I truly am fighting for my own survival. I had assured my husband over the past 3 years that I would know when it was the time to place my Mom in a higher level of care. Now is the time. It's the first emotionally healthy thing I've done in a long time. We were set to transfer in a few hours but the Dr has decided not to release her today. More medication adjustments are needed to address nighttime wakefulness.
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I would strongly recommend a family meeting at the Geri psych unit. Let the team treating her try to work with you all about what is best. As a clinical social worker, I would have already had a meeting with the family re: your mom's long term care needs. It sounds as though they are not hearing your needs and your are too exhausted to fight for yourself and your mom right now. Let them know that you are at risk for being hospitalized yourself if you don't get the help for your mom. Nothing is permanent. Life is fragile and you need help managing your kids and husband's expectations of you. Or get your own doctor or mental health provider to hold a family meeting! Best of luck to you.
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Look at it this way: even if she is in a nursing home, there is nothing stopping you or your kids from taking on her care. No matter how good the place they won't have enough staff to give her one to one care. As well, by coming in every day you show the staff that you are on top of things and will not put up with any lackidasical work.
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Trust yourself. Walking out of the facility for the first time and leaving your Mom behind will be on of the hardest things you will ever have to do. We that have had to do it understand. If you will be the person of contact you will still have plenty to deal with just not hands on. Your mind and body will have time to recharge between calls. If your Mom is a "faller" expect several calls at first until the staff gets a handle on the best way to manage your Mom.
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You are so right Lizzywho16!
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Dmasty, you are in a tough situation. I think you know in your heart what you need to do. I know your kids mean well but if they plan to help as much as they will be needed and possibly for an extended length of time I don't think it is a good idea. If they have outside jobs there will be no time for a social life. If they start not doing their part it will cause hard feelings and you will again be stretched beyond your limits. As your Mom's situation progresses it in my opinion is not something young adults who aren't trained really can handle. I guess from personal experience I am afraid you will be left with the brunt of this because no one else will be able to stick it out with you. Do what you think is right for your Mom, yourself and your kids. Place her in a safe environment. Each individual can visit as they see fit. Best of Luck to You.
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Dmasty
Hope the evaluation goes well tomorrow and then encourage your kids to be part of mom's life after the move - there are some family members who visit their loved ones daily at my mom's facility and others who rarely visit - I personally try to be there 3- to 4 times a week and have a private aide with her everyday

I have seen several residents eat non- food items - paper - plants - styrofoam - trash etc.
I suspect your neuro didn't blink because he/she understands the brain isn't working properly and even those whose dementia is not as advanced will pick up food or drink that belongs to another resident

As another poster said, your mom's journey may continue for some time and it may be difficult at times to be part of it but try to rest when you can and be present with her - touch is very comforting
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Pica is sometimes believed to be related to iron and/or zinc deficiencies. Also, pica is sometimes related to OCD. It can be helped by anti anxiety meds if OCD is present. Have your mothers dr check for mineral deficiencies.
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